Beware the ‘Rainbow Curtain’

Beware the ‘Rainbow Curtain’ July 10, 2013

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the last couple weeks of reading the hysterical and fevered reactions of the Christian right to the Supreme Court’s marriage rulings. This column by megachurch pastor Dan Cummins is one of my favorites. It’s full of soaring and incoherent rhetoric, starting with the obligatory comparison to Nazi communists:

After World War II, Stalin installed an iron curtain around Russia, keeping his capitalist neighbors from eavesdropping. The Chinese accessorized their Cold War condo with a bamboo curtain deterring pesky peeping toms from the West. Soon Mr. Khrushchev, keeping up with his Commie neighbors, built a privacy wall and gated community secluding East Berliners from greedy, free-market entrepreneurs soliciting door-to-door. Not to forget Kim Il-Sung’s ensemble of razor wire and land mines across North Korea’s 38th parallel to discourage those JWs and LDS types from indoctrinating the folks.

Now, in the midst of the American Culture War, behind another curtain of sorts – a life-size photographic scrim concealing a facelift to the Supreme Court’s crumbling west façade – Justice Anthony Kennedy has ordered a redecorating of the nation’s landscape with a bold, colorful and inclusive statement – the Rainbow Curtain – a polyamorous blend suited for a post-moralist motif, designed to safeguard the modern American family from the narrow-minded views of those “animus”-filled Founding Fathers.

Seriously, that just makes me laugh and say “more please.” And oh, there’s more.

From their juridical lair, the liberal Gang of Five recently set off a catalytic charge toppling traditional marriage – the last principled pillar upholding Uncle Sam’s home.

Really? Traditional marriage was toppled? You mean straight people are going to stop getting married? Stop having kids? Stop loving their families? Indeed, how will any marriage be affected in any way because others are allowed to get married too? When other people get to eat lunch, does that somehow diminish your lunch? Has your lunch been toppled?

What’s ahead for those in the Gay Zones who refuse to comply with Kennedy’s dictates – re-education camps for homophobic racists? Will Big Sis employ foreign troops invading through our unsecured borders to enforce the transition into this brave new world? What stark new realities are ahead for those behind the Rainbow Curtain? Will Americans become refugees in their own country as they flee with their families into neighboring Free Zone states?

Will Amanda discover that Rod has had a secret identity all along? Will Batman save the day? Tune in next week, same batshit time, same batshit channel. Yes, he seriously just wondered aloud if Janet Napolitano (that’s who the wingnuts love to call Big Sis) will allow a foreign invasion to enforce marriage equality. WTF? He might as well have asked if Obama is going to bring in Al Qaeda members to work in daycare centers. Shit, I just gave them a new conspiracy theory idea, didn’t I?

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