Help Fight Cancer By Making Ed Suffer

Help Fight Cancer By Making Ed Suffer September 19, 2013

FTB has formed a virtual fundraising team for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Light the Night project to raise money to fight blood cancers, which means we’re going to be begging and pleading with our readers to contribute to the cause. Ah, but there is a benefit to you — you get to see me humiliated, uncomfortable or in pain if you donate enough money. In fact, I’m going to let you all make suggestions on heinous and unpleasant things I will have to do if I hit $2000 in funds raised.

I already broached this subject on my Facebook page the other day, asking people to make suggestions on what I might have to do if we hit that target. And frankly, I didn’t realize just how cruel my readers and friends could be — or, alternatively, how much they want to see me suffer. Here are some of their suggestions:

Become vegan for a month.

Watch every Star Trek movie, and live blog them.

Read all of the twilight series and write a blog book report on each.

Karaoke. Dressed as a mormon missionary singing Queen’s I want to be free. And obviously we would need video proof.

Attend a Celine Dion concert.

Shave something into your head. Whoever donates the most picks what.

Create a Google Hangout where anyone who’s donated can participate with you live as you watch “Carrot Top: Rocks Las Vegas.”

I know where I can hit him hard: he must grill and eat tofu.

Wear the Gaga meat dress.

A vegetarian month.

Live blog LSD trip.

Shirtless and dressed in leopard-print pants, you and PZ both lip-synch to “I’m Sexy And I Know It” before a live audience.

See what I mean? They’re just vicious. Think you can top those ideas? Leave them in a comment. If I hit $2000 in funds raised, I’ll pick one of those horrifying things and do it. To donate, click here. And because this is all organized under the Foundation Beyond Belief team, every dollar you contribute will be matched by Todd Stiefel, who organized this fundraiser when the American Cancer Association didn’t want our dirty atheist money. So let’s show them what they’re missing, show the country what atheists can do to help others and show me just how cruel you people can be to your humble blogger.

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