Steven Seagal for Governor?

Steven Seagal for Governor? January 7, 2014

Steven Seagal, who has a close relationship with fascist Maricopa County, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, may have taken one too many blows to the head. He’s actually considering running for governor of that state. Apparently he’s never seen himself run, which is one of the funniest things in the known universe. To be fair, though he could hardly be worse than Jan Brewer, who is astonishingly stupid.

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  • Randomfactor

    The report I saw said he “remotely” considering it, which I took to mean he’d run for Governor if he didn’t actually have to LIVE in Arizona…

  • – Scene: State Capitol…

    Governor Strike Harder (Seagal) is seated behind the governor’s desk. An aide rushes in.

    Aide ~ “Governor Harder! Terrorists have taken over this building!”

    Harder ~ “Time to veto some heads.”

    Coming soon to straight-to-dvd near you!

  • Abby Normal

    Why, did they take away his pet raccoon?


  • A terrible actor running for governor? That never ends well

  • coragyps

    d.c.wilson has just proved again that understatement is Da Bomb!

    d.c., you win the Internets for today and tomorrow both!!

  • Reginald Selkirk

    Randomfactor #1: The report I saw said he “remotely” considering it,..

    Which means what? He isn’t serious about running, but thought it would be nice to see his name in the papers?

  • daved

    Which means what? He isn’t serious about running, but thought it would be nice to see his name in the papers?

    It’s an approach that has worked quite well for Donald Trump.

  • Synfandel

    Randomfactor #1: The report I saw said he “remotely” considering it,..

    Which means what? He isn’t serious about running, but thought it would be nice to see his name in the papers?

    He’s thinking about it from outside Arizona over a wide area network connection.

  • I remember watching a MAD TV skit that depicted his girth and being confused by the fat jokes. I only recalled ever seeing him in Under Siege, the sequel, and some bit parts in other movies. I thought he looked okay. It had been a while since those movies were made, so I figured maybe he put on some weight since then, and they were exaggerating.

    Then, years later, I started watching Film Brain’s Bad Movie Beatdown series where he reviewed some Seagal films. Wow, did he let himself go, and no, MAD TV wasn’t exaggerating.

    I’d rather not broadly fat-shame, but I think actors who play action heroes should look the part. There’s only so much you can do with creative cinematography and stunt doubles. I don’t know his financial status at the moment, but if he really wants to try to salvage his action hero image, he should hire a personal trainer to whip him into shape before he does anything for publicity.

    …Why am I giving advice to someone who voluntarily associates with Arpaio? Forget I typed anything.

  • Steven Seagal IS…Hard to Elect

  • Wylann

    I’m going to have to move back to Az just to vote against him.

    AZ does have a bad habit of electing really crazy/criminal governors. To their credit, though, they do occasionally recall them from office.

  • D. C. Sessions

    As others have noted, he’s unlikely to do more than flirt.

    Since I’ll be gone, one way or another, before the dust settles I find myself feeling a bit guilty over how much I look on the prospect of “Governor Seagal” as karma.

  • The fact Seagal is a Buddhist pretty much kills any chance of him getting elected.

  • beezlebubby

    As someone who’s watched a few Seagal movies, I’m looking forward to watching him run, period, because there’s nothing quite as chuckle-inducing as watching him run. It’s the most unnatural gait I’ve ever seen on film.

  • I saw a video someone posted on FB a few days ago of Rob Schneider relating a story from Jamie Foxx on the Howard Stern show.

    Seems while Foxx was working on the movie, Seagal had just had an audience with the Dalai Lama, who, because Seagal had made contributions, told Seagal he was some kind of deity.

    So Seagal’s on the set being all wise and mystical about how he’s a god and has inner piece and crap and someone tells him he has a phone call from his ex-wife.

    His response was to yell: “You tell that cunt to have my kids here this weekend!”

  • It wasn’t the Dalai Lama who told Seagal he was the tulku, or reincarnation, of Chungdrag Dorje, a 17th-century terton (treasure revealer). It was Lama Penor Rimpoche. A lot of people in the US Buddhist community was rather skeptical of the revelation.

  • And I’m rather skeptical of my writing ability.