Joe the Plumber Found Noah’s Ark!

Joe the Plumber Found Noah’s Ark! June 10, 2014

Okay, not really. But I just found this and had to laugh. On good ol’ Joe’s website there’s a posting from December by a guy named Mark Martineau breathlessly proclaiming that Noah’s Ark has been found — and of course he can’t believe that the evil…well, someone…has been “keeping us in the dark.”

I’m often amazed at our lack of knowledge about history. Ordinary people are hungry for this information, yet the organizations responsible to disseminate these facts seem to have an agenda to keep us in the dark. This is especially true when it comes to our ancient human history.

I won’t hold you in suspense with this article: The Ark of Noah has been found. It’s real. I’ll describe the evidence in some detail and end with the historical and religious implications.

Unlike Mr. Martineau, I’m never amazed or the least bit surprised when an ignoramus like him posts bullshit like this. That “Ark of Noah” that he claims has been found is the Durupinar site, made popular by Christian con man Ron Wyatt, which was debunked decades ago even by creationists. Answers in Genesis has a report on this vaguely boat-shaped object that has been getting dimwits all excited for so long.

In 1987 Bayraktutan and Baumgardner, with a suitably qualified team (including Fenner), conducted systematic, detailed geophysical surveys of the type routinely used by mining companies, involving sophisticated instruments in order to find out what is below the ground surface. They completed a magnetometer survey, the instrument involved not only being capable of detecting shallowly buried magnetic/metallic objects, but also scanning deeply through the surficial cover into the bedrock below. This was followed up with a comprehensive ground-penetrating radar survey that systematically covered the whole formation from north to south along grid lines spaced two metres apart. In the time remaining the team completed three seismic survey lines longitudinally north-south to cover the entire length of the formation.

The same two investigators returned with another team in 1988 and this time brought with them a drill rig. Four holes were drilled and cored to a depth of 10 metres. Additionally, a much more detailed seismic survey with more sophisticated equipment was carried out.

The data from this drilling, and from these and other surveys, combined with geological mapping and sampling by these and other scientists, enables the conclusion to be made that this site has a perfectly reasonable natural geological explanation.

Scientists like Lorence Collins have also debunked every claim made in the article on Joe the Plumber’s site. But as usual, there is no claim that is too absurd for wingnuts to cling to as long as it says what they wish were true.

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  • John Pieret

    Darn! I hoped from the title that ol’ Joe had actually found something, ark or not, after all these years of him not being able to find his own ass with both hands!

  • David Marjanović

    😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

  • And I bet it was behind the sofa

    …it’s always behind the sofa

    …last place he looked…

  • raven

    that Noah’s Ark has been found

    It’s been found many times. There seem to have been dozens of Noah’s Arks, all of which look nothing like an…ark.

    “…that Noah’s Ark has been found.” This translates from fundiespeak into English as, “Send us a whole lot more money”. Fundiespeak has a large vocabularly but a very limited number of actual meaningful thoughts.

  • petemoulton

    raven @ 4: but this time it’s different, don’tcha see? It’s “The Ark of Noah”, not just some ol’ run of the mill “Noah’s Ark”.

    Ed sez: “the Durupinar Derpinar site…” FTFY

  • Alverant

    What, did not-Joe the not-Plumber take a trip to Wisconsin Dells? It’s not warm enough to visit a water park.

  • Chiroptera

    How much money does Noah Ark tourism bring into Turkey? Do they have an entire government ministry devoted to catering to them?

  • eric

    It’s been found many times.

    Yes, and the irony here is that the fundies who should be the most supportive of these finds and most want them recognized in the archaeoligal record are the ones who “forget” about them on a regular basis. The non-fundies don’t forget; we remember all the times the ark has been found.

    Of course the reason for this is transparently clear. A definitive, recorded find of a boat would provide a big PR scoop…but only one. Finding it every 5 years provides any number of PR scoops. So its better for their proselytization efforts to “find” a new ark every few years.

  • zippythepinhead

    “I’m often amazed at our lack of knowledge about history.”

    Yes, indeed, all of us here are quite astounded at YOUR lack of knowledge.

  • blf

    [Does Turkey] have an entire government ministry devoted to catering to them [Ark tourists / “explorers”]?

    No idea, but apparently it’s a common mene on the nutter / fruitcake circuit that there is a “Noah’s Ark National Park” in Turkey. I’ve even seen sites claiming it is, or has applied to be, a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

    Almost needless to say, there is no such national park. There is the Ağrı Dağı Milli park which includes Mt Ararat, and uses some local placenames, hence containing signs leading to, e.g., Durupınar and its Nuh’un Gemisi (Noah’s Big Boat) rock formation.

    This discussion page at Rational Wiki contains more information including what is claimed to be the Turkish government’s official(?) “position”.

  • They completed a magnetometer survey, the instrument involved not only being capable of detecting shallowly buried magnetic/metallic objects, but also scanning deeply through the surficial cover into the bedrock below.

    My first thought was ‘Duh, the Ark was made of gopher wood, how can a magnetometer find it?’

    Then I realized that it was covered by tinfoil put there by time traveling Gummint agents to keep Aliens from mind reading Father Noah to get his God given secret to making really large boats out of rodent erections.

    I would have seen it in the Russell Crowe movie but I had to get up to pee.

  • lochaber

    If all the fossils were buried by sediments in the flood, then how did the ark end up buried after landing on a mountain when the waters receded?

    Also with how did the incoming floodwaters carve through the rock layers in the Grand Canyon that contain fossils that were created by the flood?

    Their supposed explanations aren’t even internally consistant.

  • Ichthyic

    If you read the comments on the article… you will see a large number of people, literally sticking their fingers in their ears and yelling “lalalala! can’t hear you!” while being presented with the direct evidence debunking the Ark claim.

    People should really be concerned that there now appear to be so many authoritarians in the world, who will defy reason and evidence at every opportunity, merely to keep within their own ingroups.

    this is getting beyond troubling.

    any time you see authoritarians becoming this entrenched, history suggests very bad things will happen in the near future.

    the random shootings are just the start. the media needs to pull its head out of its ass and get to work changing the message these RWAs are hearing, fast.