The Pathetic Life of John Rocker

The Pathetic Life of John Rocker July 29, 2014

Disgraced former major leaguer and racist asshole John Rocker finally made it to Cooperstown. No, not into the Baseball Hall of Fame, but on the sidewalk in front of a store, where he set up a table selling xenophobic t-shirts and a hard night of drinking with him.

Hall of Fame weekend brings out a ton of former big leaguers. From Hall of Famers to Pete Rose…it’s a veritable smorgasbord of All-Stars from years past.

This year, however, is a little different. Probably thinking there’s a way to cash in on the glut of Atlanta Braves fans making the trip north…there’s also John Rocker. And, sure, it’d be easy to suspect that Rocker is in town to support his former teammates Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine and skipper Bobby Cox, but, it’s Rocker…and we know that’s not how dude operates.

Rocker (alongside another former Brave Ryan Klesko) was holding down his patch of sidewalk selling books, posing for pictures, signing autographs and, naturally, telling folks to “Speak English”.

And about that raffle:

I bet they’re lining up for that one, mostly so they can watch him get drunk and spout more racist shit so they can record it and put it on Youtube. Now if only there was a douchebag hall of fame; he’s be a first ballot inductee.

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  • Alverant

    Let me guess, you have to pay for his drinks.

  • colnago80

    Actually, if there were a douchebag hall of fame, the first inductee would by Ty Cobb, a major league asshole of the first order.

  • philipelliott

    Kenny Powers would be proud.

  • dingojack

    No doubt Mr Rocker isn’t into playing the victim (or even studying them) — but it’s everyone’s fault but his own.


  • Douchebag HOF needs to be a thing, and not just for athletes. My ballot:

    Lance Armstrong.

    Roger Clemens.

    Eric Lindross.

    John Rocker.

    Sean Hannity.

    Piers Morgan.

    Ray Comfort.

    Liam & Noel Gallagher from Oasis.


  • petemoulton

    cycleninja: I don’t see Fred Phelps’ name on your list.

  • StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ cycleninja :

    You might want to see this :

    “Douche of the Week” on Aussie SBS TV’s The Feed’ Aussie news show~ish segment.

  • John Pieret


    Really, it would be easier just inducting everyone and throwing out the ones found not to have lived up to the lofty standards of doucheness the hall requires.

  • robertfaber

    That documentary about him on HBO Eastbound and Down was pretty funny, though.

  • Electric Shaman

    Sounds like if one were to do a bar crawl around Cooperstown during the Hall of Fame festivities one would run into a shitfaced John Rocker whether he had sold any raffle tickets or not, so no real need to buy a raffle ticket if one were really inclined to have a big night with John Rocker.

  • jesse

    Dang, a part of me would buy the raffle ticket for the entertainment value. Rocker evidently wants to be the real-life Kenny Powers. (It looks just like something KP would do). We still remember him so fondly in New Yrok — though at least he took the subway to work like everyone else. (His choice of the 7 train, IIRC, was particularly inspired, and anyone who lives here will understand why).

    @cycleninja — curious about Piers Morgan and Roger Clemens. I never saw either one as exceptionally douche-y. Clemens threw a bat at Mike Piazza, but other than that…

    Yeah, I know, steroids, but I never was particularly upset that players used them to “cheat” — I was more concerned that a lot of young men were possibly convinced to do something that threatens their health, 90 percent of whom won’t be HOF-caliber players or even people who make it to the majors.