Dear God, Thanks for Helping Us Slaughter People

Dear God, Thanks for Helping Us Slaughter People December 1, 2014

Katie Halper last week put everyone in the mood to celebrate Thanksgiving by quoting from some of the Christian leaders who helped kill mass numbers of Native Americans, as they praised the allegedly omni-benevolent and all-loving God for helping them slaughter the “savages.”

In his Brief History of the Pequot War, Captain John Mason, who helped lead the attack, recalls, that he (speaking about himself in the third person as is, apparently, his wont), “immediately stepping into the Wigwam where he had been before, brought out a Fire-Brand, and putting it into the Matts with which they were covered, set the Wigwams on Fire… and when it was throughly kindled, the Indians ran as Men most dreadfully Amazed.” But it was all god’s doing, obviously:

And indeed such a dreadful Terror did the ALMIGHTY let fall upon their Spirits, that they would fly from us and run into the very Flames, where many of them perished… GOD was above them, who laughed his Enemies and the Enemies of his People to Scorn, making them as a fiery Oven: Thus were the Stout Hearted spoiled, having slept their last Sleep, and none of their Men could find their Hands: Thus did the LORD judge among the Heathen, filling the Place with dead Bodies…

In his own arson-based humble-brag News from America, Captain John Underhill agrees that using fire and sneak attack to kill men, women and children, is, actually, a very Christian thing to do. He knows people may think it’s not very Jesus like: “It may bee demanded… (as some have said) should not Christians have more mercy and compassion?” But he’s on top of it:

But I would referre you to Davids warre, when a people is growne to such a height of bloud, and sinne against God and man, and all confederates in the action, there hee hath no respect to persons, but harrowes them, and sawes them, and puts them to the sword, and the most terriblest death that may bee : sometimes the Scripture declareth women and children must perish with their parents. some-time the case alters.

Yes, the Native Americans weren’t just the enemies of the settlers who wanted to kill them, but of God himself. And just like in the Bible, God kills them in the most brutal ways. Praise the lord! Hallelujah! And as she notes, this is just from a single war. One could go on all day long listing similar quotes from virtually every war for 17 or 18 centuries.


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