Is Jim Garlow 12 Years Old?

Is Jim Garlow 12 Years Old? December 9, 2014

Jim Garlow, the self-declared “prophet” (not to be confused with Jim Garrow, the deranged wingnut who claims that Obama tried to nuke South Carolina last year), was invited to the Vatican’s conference on gay marriage and came back to make this incredibly silly and juvenile statement:

“All the people who advocate for so-called same-sex marriage ought to have to live in homes in which the plumbers who built them, or the electricians who built them, didn’t understand the difference between the male and female end of piping or plumbing or of electrical as well,” he said, “and see how that home works out for them.”

“It doesn’t work,” he concluded.

I’ll take absurd analogies for $1000, Alex. He actually said that, presumably with a straight face. The Christian right, where no argument is too stupid to be made.


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  • jaybee

    People who think “Jesus is at once both fully human and fully divine” is a mystery instead of a blatant contradiction are not logical when it comes to religious matters. In return, I’d tell Garlow that I hope the next time he goes to a baseball game, I hope the vendors try to feed the stadium full of fans with five hot dogs and two cups of beer.

  • hunter

    But Ed, that’s the essence of “Christian” morality: it’s not about people, it’s about plumbing.

  • brucegee1962

    hunter, you nailed it. That quote should go up on everybody’s wall.

  • eric

    Let’s run with this. If we’re going to separate the world into ‘straight’ (male-female only) connections and everything else, then Garlow should no longe be allowed to use any of the following:

    Homosexual male to male USB connectors (as well as display cables, TV cables, audio cables, etc… most all of which are male to male).

    Polygamous power strips.

    Bisexual (or trisexual) three-in-one plugs

    Who knows how to classify them but definitely obsence adapters.

  • dingojack

    “… the essence of “Christian” morality: it’s not about people, it’s about everyone else’s plumbing”.

    Edited for increased accuracy.


  • dmcclean

    As usual, it’s also a terrible analogy on its own terms, mostly because he included “electrical”.

    Which type of electrical connectors is “male” and which is “female” is actually quite confusing. Generally “male” pins are located inside “female” housings to form a “male” connector, which receives the “male” housing of a “female” connector that includes “female” sockets for each of the pins. But this rule is not universally followed, and doesn’t have provide any clear guidance for naming connectors with sliding contacts (like USB or HDMI contacts) instead of pins and sockets, such connectors tend to be named by the “gender” of the housing, the exact opposite of the general rule. Then of course there are “genderless connectors” that attach to identical connectors.

    So, on his own terms, Garlow has no fucking clue what he is talking about. But before you even get to that he is spectacularly wrong for a variety of more important reasons, of course.

  • U Frood

    Reminds of that joke about an intelligent designer not putting the playground so close to the sewer.

  • thebookofdave

    Are all male-fitted components that dumb, or is this Garlow part of a bad batch? It appears designed for no purpose other than to randomly spew raw sewage everywhere.

  • caseloweraz

    Perhaps the Senior Pastor was having a senior moment…

  • cswella

    As far as I know, plumbers don’t use water-based lubricants to lay pipe. Perhaps Mr. Garlow should be using copper welding devices or pvc sealant for his bedtime activities.

  • Larry

    What I don’t understand is how the plumbing that is used in somebody’s house and how it is used affects Garlow.

  • cptdoom

    @dmcclean #5 – and what about modern electronic devices, like my new cell phone, that have dual-use chargers? It has a standard, presumably male, plug for use in a wall socket that is also removable so the phone can connect to a USB port, and that’s a more female type of connector. That’s right Mr. Harlow, my cell phone is a hermaphrodite.

  • doublereed

    Well if that’s not an insulting comparison of Marriage I don’t know what is.

  • cry4turtles

    I’m so proud of my daddy! He always said, “I can fix anything, but I’m no plumber!” Yeah, my dad rocks.

  • To be fair, I’d question it too if my plumber tried putting his pipe in my rectum.


    Larry “What I don’t understand is how the plumbing that is used in somebody’s house and how it is used affects Garlow.”

    It’s because everyone’s a critic, like how your father drops by to see your new kitchen and goes “PVC pipe? I’d have gone with copper”, except that it’s an uninvited stranger, the kitchen is your bedroom, the pipe is your significant other and also he calls the police.

  • John Hinkle


    Finally, on Palm Sunday, 2000, Skyline realized a 19 year dream of relocating to the mountain. Not only was this a lengthy endeavor, it was also a costly one. Nearly $27 million was spent constructing a $6 million building due to environmental, topographical and bureaucratic challenges.

    Huh, only $21 million – or 450% – over budget. Plumbing problems?

  • Don Quijote

    How very strange, where I live houses are built by bricklayers and stonemasons.

  • Doug Little

    Why does he care how someone else’s house is wired or plumbed?

  • Loqi

    It’s been many years since I helped my electrician friend with a rough-in, but I don’t recall the bulk of it being wall-socket-style plugging in. Methinks Harlow understands about as much about electricity as he does about anatomy.

  • U Frood

    Yeah, aren’t most connections screwing two or more wires into those caps? That somewhat resembles… something that Garlow surely couldn’t handle.

  • jameshanley

    I hate to break it to Garlow, but from a plumbing perspective, his mouth and anus are female parts.

  • I’ve met my share of cis/het men who haven’t the foggiest idea how “female” plumbing works. It’s one of my arguments for sex before marriage, actually.