Michele Bachmann is leaving Congress and gave a farewell speech on the floor of the House Wednesday night that was every bit as ridiculous as one might predict. She rambled on about Moses and the Ten Commandments and how Congress is under the authority of God and blah blah blah.
“We are the lawgivers, because the people of this country have given us the privilege of the election certificate to make the laws. We must never forget that it is by the consent of the governed that we rule and we decide our laws.”
“And as I look about this chamber, we are ringed with the silhouettes of lawgivers throughout history,” Bachmann continued, referencing the 23 marble relief portraits in the House Chamber that were installed between 1949 and 1950.
“And yet only one lawgiver has the distinction of not having a silhouette, but having the full face be revealed by the artist. That lawgiver is Moses. Moses is directly above the double doors that lead into the centermost part of this chamber, and in the face of Moses, his eyes look straight upon not only our nation’s motto, ‘In God We Trust,’ but Moses’ face looks full on into the face of the Speaker of the House. Daily, the Speaker of the House as he stands up in his authority and in his podium recognizes that he is a man under authority, just as Moses was a man under authority.”
“Because you see, Mr. Speaker, Moses is given for the full honor of the greatest lawgiver in this chamber, because he was chosen by the God that we trust to be entrusted with the basis of all law. The ‘basis of all law’ as was written by Blackstone, the famous English jurist, was the Ten Commandments, that were given by none other than the God we trust on Mount Sinai,” the congresswoman said.
“We know those laws, those laws are the fundamental laws of mankind, and here in the United States, the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses is the very foundation of the law that has given happiness and the rise of the greatest prosperity that any nation has known before.”“Mr. Speaker, it could be no coincidence that this nation, knowing and enjoying the heights of such great happiness and such great prosperity, that it could be built upon that foundation of the Ten Commandments and of the law given by the God in whom we trust.”
Ah yes, Moses — the greatest lawgiver of all! Why, without Moses how would we ever have known that it was our duty to throw stones at a woman who was found not to be a virgin on her wedding day until she skin ripped from her skull and she was dead (but not men, of course, only women)? Without Moses, how would we know that we must do the same thing to gay people, adulterers, witches and unruly children? Without Moses, how would we know that when we invade another country, we should take great care to kill all of the men, married women and male children but to keep the young women alive and distribute them among the soldiers as the spoils of war? Without Moses, how would we know that it’s okay to buy slaves and hand them down to our children as their inheritance as long as they come from a different country? Or that we were free to beat them as much as we want as long as they didn’t die too quickly? Without Moses, how would we know that women were unclean twice as long as when they give birth to girls as when they give birth to boys? Or that when a man rapes a woman, he just has to pay her father some money and then she belongs to him forever? That Moses, clearly the author of all our laws, amirite?