Bachmann’s Ridiculous Farewell Speech

Bachmann’s Ridiculous Farewell Speech December 12, 2014

Michele Bachmann is leaving Congress and gave a farewell speech on the floor of the House Wednesday night that was every bit as ridiculous as one might predict. She rambled on about Moses and the Ten Commandments and how Congress is under the authority of God and blah blah blah.

“We are the lawgivers, because the people of this country have given us the privilege of the election certificate to make the laws. We must never forget that it is by the consent of the governed that we rule and we decide our laws.”

“And as I look about this chamber, we are ringed with the silhouettes of lawgivers throughout history,” Bachmann continued, referencing the 23 marble relief portraits in the House Chamber that were installed between 1949 and 1950.

“And yet only one lawgiver has the distinction of not having a silhouette, but having the full face be revealed by the artist. That lawgiver is Moses. Moses is directly above the double doors that lead into the centermost part of this chamber, and in the face of Moses, his eyes look straight upon not only our nation’s motto, ‘In God We Trust,’ but Moses’ face looks full on into the face of the Speaker of the House. Daily, the Speaker of the House as he stands up in his authority and in his podium recognizes that he is a man under authority, just as Moses was a man under authority.”

“Because you see, Mr. Speaker, Moses is given for the full honor of the greatest lawgiver in this chamber, because he was chosen by the God that we trust to be entrusted with the basis of all law. The ‘basis of all law’ as was written by Blackstone, the famous English jurist, was the Ten Commandments, that were given by none other than the God we trust on Mount Sinai,” the congresswoman said.

“We know those laws, those laws are the fundamental laws of mankind, and here in the United States, the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses is the very foundation of the law that has given happiness and the rise of the greatest prosperity that any nation has known before.”

“Mr. Speaker, it could be no coincidence that this nation, knowing and enjoying the heights of such great happiness and such great prosperity, that it could be built upon that foundation of the Ten Commandments and of the law given by the God in whom we trust.”

Ah yes, Moses — the greatest lawgiver of all! Why, without Moses how would we ever have known that it was our duty to throw stones at a woman who was found not to be a virgin on her wedding day until she skin ripped from her skull and she was dead (but not men, of course, only women)? Without Moses, how would we know that we must do the same thing to gay people, adulterers, witches and unruly children? Without Moses, how would we know that when we invade another country, we should take great care to kill all of the men, married women and male children but to keep the young women alive and distribute them among the soldiers as the spoils of war? Without Moses, how would we know that it’s okay to buy slaves and hand them down to our children as their inheritance as long as they come from a different country? Or that we were free to beat them as much as we want as long as they didn’t die too quickly? Without Moses, how would we know that women were unclean twice as long as when they give birth to girls as when they give birth to boys? Or that when a man rapes a woman, he just has to pay her father some money and then she belongs to him forever? That Moses, clearly the author of all our laws, amirite?

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  • Loqi

    So we have a marble relief of a guy who gave, as one of his most important laws, a law against graven images. I think that about sums up his importance as a lawgiver.

  • NitricAcid

    And, of course, before Moses, there were no prohibitions against killing at all (which is why Cain wasn’t punished at all).

  • Who knew the USA was an Isrealite Nation?

  • NitricAcid

    Modus- wasn’t that obvious by the illegality of pork products?

  • chilidog99

    Supposedly she started pestering Obama at the White House Christmas party last night. She told him he needed to bomb Iran.

    The president laughed in her face.

  • weatherwax

    So were the most important people in the land, because we were chosen by the people to be lawgivers, but we’re less important than that lawgiver, ’cause he wasn’t chosen by the people…

  • scienceavenger

    That Moses, clearly the author of all our laws, amirite?

    Moses killed all the Amirites. God told him to. Well, except the virgins, them you keep. Moses weren’t no fool.

  • I know you made that up, chilidog99. Our anti-colonialist president would never allow a Christmas party to be held in his gay-Marxist-Muslim headquarters.

  • Michael Heath

    Here’s a link from CNN regarding Rep. Bachmann’s advice to President Obama:

    If Michele Bachmann advised me to wipe my ass after I took a dump, well I’d think long and hard about stopping.

  • Whatever else you can say about Bachmann, at least we know she is sincere. She truly is every bit as stupid as she appears.

  • howardhershey

    Exactly when did Moses pose for this full frontal view?

  • Francisco Bacopa

    American law is based on English Common Law and a bit of high philosophy. Common Law is pretty much just the mostly cool laws of the Germanic tribes that moved to England with a little bit of Viking stuff mixed in. All of this was written down before the tribes of England became Christians.

    And what of European Civil Law? All based on the code of Justinian. Sure, Justinian was a badass Christian, but when he made his legal reforms, where did he look? To Moses? Hell no! he produced a simplified compilation of PAGAN Roman law.

    I don’t know how any European-descended American can hate their cultural heritage so much as to posit that our laws come from the The Bible. I am also a Native American descended person. While I don’t think any Native American laws have been a major influence other than the borrowing of the word “caucus”, there is no reason to think that that North Americans lacked laws before they knew The Bible even existed.

    And what about African descended peoples in the Americas? Why the hell would you identify with Christian and Muslim traditions? You have your own traditions and laws which I honor by using an operating system named after one of your ethical concepts.

  • peterh

    “That lawgiver is Moses.”

    As I recall the account, Moses was a mere office boy carrying a memo from the boss to the break room.

  • dingojack

    Francisco Bacopa – England converted to Christianity long after the coronation of Henry II in 1154? Who knew? 😉

    Loqi – Oh and remember Moses was very down on murder (and stealing) too… @@


  • U Frood

    Moses certainly didn’t flee from Egypt after committing murder. Why would he have to do that, he hadn’t been given the ten commandments yet so murder was perfectly acceptable.