In looking back on 2014, raging bigot Peter LaBarbera thinks the worst thing that happened was Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend on TV. He’s so mad about it that he wrote a poem about the horror of witnessing affection between two men. And yes, I’m very disappointed that it doesn’t begin “I once knew a man from Nantucket.”
I saw the kiss by Michael Sam..
It made me mad–he kissed a man!
That’s something I don’t want to see
It’s wrong, unnatural, and it’s not just me.
Many now say, “Homosexuality is OK.”
But God says there’s a better way.
He made men for women, and women for men.
So why are “gays” so prideful then?
Please, no public same-sex kisses, Michael Sam.
We don’t want to see this man-on-man!
Not in a boat, not in a car
This public perversion goes too far!
Not in the store or on a bus
This same-sex stuff, it brings disgust.
Not at the movies or on TV
It’s wrong, unnatural, can’t you see?!
I don’t want my kids to think it’s right
So please, please, keep it out of sight!
Why is it always in our faces?
This sin–celebrated in so many places?
Even at football and baseball games
We have to pretend homosexuality’s the same.
Young kids exposed to same-sex acts,
When parents just wanna’ have fun and relax.
“Well,” said Michael Sam, “let me ask you this:
“Do you get mad when men and women kiss?!”
Man and woman, that’s Nature’s way.
As long as there’s not too much PDA.
“But can’t you see, it’s who I am?!
“I’m gay, accept me!” begged Michael Sam.
I disagree–it’s not who you are, it’s what you do.
Hey, haven’t you had a girlfriend or two?
Yes, but this is now and that was then.
My “sexual orientation”…hey, it’s towards men!
No, Michael Sam insisted, I’m gay.
Can’t you see I was born that way?
Why must you hate gays like me?
“Hate?” I said. “I don’t hate you, I just disagree!”
You already changed from straight to perverse.
Why can’t the process work in reverse?
And on and on like that. He’s like the Samuel Taylor Coleridge of anti-gay poetry, only without the talent or the vocabulary. We’ll call this one the Rhyme of the Ancient Homophobe.