Don’t Eat the Lesbian Communist Cookies!

Don’t Eat the Lesbian Communist Cookies! March 6, 2015

Kevin Swanson of Generations Radio has an important message for all God-fearing Americans: Don’t eat the evil lesbian communist Girl Scout cookies because they’ll turn your daughters into lesbians who drive Subarus, listen to the Indigo Girls and hate the baby Jesus.

Today on “Generations Radio,” Religious Right pundit Kevin Swanson repeated his criticisms of the Girl Scouts, which he previously said is a “wicked” organization that is turning young girls into lesbian communists. “Please, I beg of you, do not buy Girl Scout cookies,” he said at the time. “Please, I beg of you, stop buying Girl Scout cookies.”

Swanson insisted on today’s program that he isn’t “backing away” from the Girl Scouts issue because the organization corrupts children and, as Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew, “If you offend one of these little ones who believes in me, it would be better for you that a millstone be hanged around your neck and you be drowned at the bottom of the sea.”

That’s damn clever of them, hiding the lesbian communism inside a box of Thin Mints, the most delicious cookie ever invented. But since I’m a man who is already attracted to women and certainly not a communist, I assume it’s safe for me to eat them. And I shall do that, one box at a time (that is, of course, the proper serving size).

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