Meet the Next Christian Martyrs

Meet the Next Christian Martyrs April 2, 2015

The owners of a pizzeria in the small town of Walkerton, Indiana are the latest victims of the Gaystapo. All they did was announce that they would be using that state’s new RFRA law to refuse to send pizzas to a gay wedding (news flash: they didn’t need that law to do that) and Big Gay descended on them like rabid dogs to take away their God-given right to be bigots.

After Crystal and Kevin O’Connor of Memories Pizza appeared on ABC 57 to declare their support for Governor Mike Pence and the controversial Religious Freedom Restoration Act yesterday, the backlash was immediate.

“If a gay couple came in and wanted us to provide pizzas for their wedding, we would have to say no,” Crystal said as she stood in the restaurant, which is festooned with Christian paraphernalia.

“We’re not discriminating against anyone, that’s just our belief and anyone has the right to believe in anything,” she added. “I do not think it’s targeting gays. I don’t think it’s discrimination. It’s supposed to help people that have a religious belief.”

First, I was giddy to see the word “festooned” used in that quote. Second, that last paragraph is hilariously stupid. You can’t say in one breath that you would refuse to serve a gay wedding and in the next breath that you’re not discriminating against anyone. If you’re refusing service, you are — by definition — discriminating. That’s what the word means.

Their Yelp page was descended on and some of the most hilarious reviews were posted. But this one I don’t buy:

“This is a transparent attempt to fly the Christian martyr ‘mean Gays are calling us bigots’ flag in the hopes that other mouth-breathers in the area will rally to them and their crappy pizza the way Southerners rallied to Chick Fil-A.”

I think that’s giving these people way too much credit for being clever enough to think up such a strategy. If that happens, and I doubt it will, that will be an unintended consequence. So will the fact that they’ll soon be able to make money on the Christian rubber chicken circuit telling the harrowing tale of their persecution by the homofascists.

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