Glenn Beck Will Make Your Daughter Beautiful. Because God.

Glenn Beck Will Make Your Daughter Beautiful. Because God. April 4, 2015

In addition to being one of the most ridiculous players on the political stage in America, Glenn Beck is also a fashion designer (or at least employs them). He has a clothing company pretentiously named 1791 (because the connection between blue jeans and the signing of the Bill of Rights is so important). And now on Facebook he says he can make your teen daughter beautiful, as is her God-given right. And he just can’t help but be as dramatic and self-aggrandizing as he can be in the process.

Today I make good on a decade old promise to myself and my daughters.

Years ago when my oldest daughters were teenagers I would take them to the mall to buy new clothes…

But my trouble was not only that, mine stems from the fact that while growing up my daughter was a dress size SMALLER than America’s most famous model and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.

God forbid a designer makes anything cool that would fit her! Most American women are shaped like Norma Jean not the 12 year old boy shaped models covering the walls of the ‘cool stores’.

As I wiped the quiet and hidden tears away store after store as she was told, “oh, no, it doesn’t come in that size.” I made myself a promise.

I wasn’t famous or rich at the time, but I vowed if I ever had a chance I would start a fashion line that was cool, hip, and great quality that would come in sizes that would fit my Marilyn.

Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly how it happened. Fighting back tears, he dropped to his knees and pledged to Almighty God that he would one day bring justice to the fashion industry, probably with dramatic music playing in the background.

Today I make good on that promise. 1791 is proud to announce our new line of women’s Denim. We begin with denim jacket and jeans.

They were designed for and tested on all the girls in my life. It has taken us almost two years to get the design just right.

I am proud that finally I can rest knowing any dad who feels the way I do about the most beautiful girl ever born, my daughter, will be able to feel that way when she slips into her favorite jeans, blouse and jacket.

My wife who is a little more like the current runway models and my daughter who is more classic both can wear and love their new 1791s.

I kind of think it is one of those fundamental God given rights. To feel pretty.

Because you are.

Can’t you hear the hosannas and hallelujahs ringing out from all those teenage girls who now, thanks to Glenn Beck, have the God-given right to spend $150 on a pair of jeans? Yep, that’s the starting price on a pair of jeans. I mean, they’re blessed by Glenn Beck and all, and that has to help their value, but still more than a bit pricey.

Just when you think Beck can’t be more of a shallow buffoon, he proves you wrong.


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