Chuck Norris Joins the Jade Helm Idiot Brigade

Chuck Norris Joins the Jade Helm Idiot Brigade May 5, 2015

Add Chuck Norris to the brigade of right-wing paranoiacs who think the Pentagon’s upcoming Jade Helm 15 military exercise is really a secret plan to take over the entire Southwest region of the United States. It’s all a conspiracy, dontchaknow.

Last week, I laughed as some progressives in the mainstream media tried to mock Gov. Abbott for telling the Texas State Guard to monitor the Pentagon’s Jade Helm 15 military ops that are occurring this summer in seven states, including California and Texas.

If you haven’t heard about Jade Helm 15, you need to. It is multi-state training mission for special operations soldiers scheduled over an eight-week period in July and August, with most of the activity happening on private property but some public, too. The official website press release from March 24 admits: “While multi-state training exercises such as these are not unique to the military, the size and scope of Jade Helm sets this one apart.”

Gov. Abbot was right in writing Maj. Gen. Gerald Betty, “During the training operation, it is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed.” Abbott is demanding “regular updates on the progress and safety of the Operation.”

Concerned Texans and Americans are in no way calling into question our brave and courageous men and women in uniform. They are merely following orders. What’s under question are those who are pulling the strings at the top of Jade Helm 15 back in Washington. The U.S. government says, “It’s just a training exercise.” But I’m not sure the term “just” has any reference to reality when the government uses it.

“Well, I’m not trusting what we’re being told,” said Mike Hightower, an affable antique store owner and real-estate agent in the very small town of Smithville, Texas, where some Jade Helm 15 exercises will take place. He added, “I think there’s something a little more involved than what they’re telling us.”

Hey, what stronger evidence do you need than an affable antique store owner saying he thinks there’s something fishy going on? Checkmate, skeptics. Take your fancy logic and evidence thinking back to New York City, you gay hippies!

If Washington wants to cool the embers of controversy, then it should quit stoking the fire, as with the posting of a map of Jade Helm 15 “just” exercises that label some areas of the country, including Texas, as “hostile,” according to KHOU 11 News in Houston and verified by the Washington Post.

Yeah, see, it’s a military training exercise. That means someone has to pretend to be the bad guys and they have to be labeled on the map as such. That probably wasn’t in the script to Delta Force, which is as close to actual military matters as you’ve gotten.

Whatever Jade Helm 15 actually is, I think it is more than coincidental that the FBI director just confessed in February that the presence of ISIS can be felt in all 50 states of the U.S. and that the Pentagon is suddenly running its biggest military training exercise with every branch of the military across seven Southwestern states.

Wait, suddenly? This exercise was announced months ago and it’s still at least two months away from taking place. In what universe is that “suddenly”? And if you think it’s actually an exercise against the presence of ISIS, wouldn’t that be a good thing? Seriously, I know thinking isn’t exactly your strong suit, Chuck, but this would be incoherent for an average 9-year old, much less an adult.

Here’s the question that neither Chuck nor any other right-wing paranoid has ever tried to answer: Why would the federal government need to “take over” land that is already part of the country?

"Your argument is "Things exist, therefore God," and you just simply believe that there has ..."

And Yet Another Stupid Atheist Meme
"Oh hell. Just now got back here. Requiescat in pace, Ed, or just feed the ..."

Saying Goodbye for the Last Time
"So many religious comments from muslims and the atheist religion..."

Carson: Islam Not a Religion, but ..."

Browse Our Archives

error: Content is protected !!