Breastaurant Memo the ‘DUH’ Moment of the Year

Breastaurant Memo the ‘DUH’ Moment of the Year May 21, 2015

ThinkProgress reports on a leaked memo from the Twin Peaks restaurant chain, a Hooters copycat that features scantily-clad waitresses selling overprices and, undoubtedly, thoroughly mediocre food to dudebros. What’s in that memo nails their customers perfectly:

Twin Peaks attributes its success to a basic understanding of the sexes. “Men are simple creatures and so you don’t have to get too crazy to get them in the door,” Kristen Colby, the director of marketing for Twin Peaks franchise, told the Huffington Post earlier this year. She said that beer, sports, and beautiful women are all it takes.

An internal branding memo provided to ThinkProgress from a current employee at a Twin Peaks restaurant, who preferred to remain anonymous over fears about losing their job, backs up that claim. That employee said the memo was distributed to all the franchises nationwide, as well as handed out to waitresses.

According to the document, the restaurant wants to target guys “who love to have their ego stroked by beautiful girls,” and promises to provide an environment “that feeds their ego with the attention they crave.” They describe their typical customer as someone who likes “attention from beautiful girls and being recognized in front of the guys,” as well as someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.

DUH. The only ones dumb enough not to recognize this are the dudebros themselves, the kind of guys who think the stripper they’ve been throwing money at all night really like them. #notallmen are like this, of course, but the kind of guys who go to breastaurants sure as hell are. They’re populated by guys who slap high fives a lot while yelling “fuckin’ A” for no apparent reasons. Oh, and the older versions of themselves, still pathetically clinging to their self-delusion that they’re still attractive to much younger women.

I’ve been in a Hooters exactly once when a bunch of guys I was going to a basketball game with insisted on going there before the game. The food was at the level of a Denny’s and way overpriced, because a plate of limp nachos is obviously worth $13.95 because it’s served to you by a woman in spandex shorts. The problem isn’t the existence of such restaurants, it’s the fact that they find such a huge number of men simpleminded and lame enough to make them profitable.

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