Graham: Boycott Pro-Equality Companies

Graham: Boycott Pro-Equality Companies June 9, 2015

Franklin Graham is urging his followers to start boycotting companies that view and treat gay people as human beings with equal rights. He started by withdrawing the Billy Graham Evangelical Association’s bank accounts from Wells Fargo because they had an ad featuring a gay couple. Because acknowledging the existence of gay people is clearly evil.

Have you ever asked yourself–how can we fight the tide of moral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media, and the gay & lesbian community? Every day it is something else! Tiffany’s started advertising wedding rings for gay couples. Wells Fargo bank is using a same-sex couple in their advertising. And there are more. But it has dawned on me that we don’t have to do business with them. At the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, we are moving our accounts from Wells Fargo to another bank. And guess what—we don’t have to shop at Tiffany & Co., there are plenty of other jewelry stores. This is one way we as Christians can speak out—we have the power of choice. Let’s just stop doing business with those who promote sin and stand against Almighty God’s laws and His standards. Maybe if enough of us do this, it will get their attention. Share this if you agree.

Oh, I agree. I absolutely agree. I think you should refuse to do business with any company that isn’t sufficiently bigoted. You can start by boycotting every company that scores well on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index. As I’ve written before, this could prove to be a real problem for you, but I’d find it hilarious.

You can’t fly on American Airlines or US Airways, both of which scored a perfect 100. You might also want to avoid United, Southwest, Delta, Northwest, Continental and JetBlue; all scored above 80. Who can you fly? Well, you could try Nepal Airlines, the faith-based airline that sacrifices goats to appease God. On second thought, that won’t work either. Nepal Airlines has two planes, both of them made by Boeing; Boeing got a perfect 100 too. Go Greyhound!

In fact, you might want to start boycotting the military too. Most of the major defense contractors scored very well. Honeywell, Raytheon and Northrop Grumman all scored a perfect 100. Lockheed got an 85. Who would have guessed that our good ol’ red-blooded and (presumably) straight American fighting men are using weapons that advance the gay agenda? If they don’t ask, we won’t tell.

Shopping could be a problem too. You can’t shop at Abercrombie and Fitch, The Gap, JC Penney’s, Macy’s, or Nordstroms. Can’t wear Levis jeans or Nike shoes. And even that staple of middle American fashion, LL Bean, scored a 79. Ah well, there’s always K-Mart. And in a pinch, you can always wear a plain white sheet.

Then again, it’s going to be difficult to get to the mall anyway since cars are pretty much out entirely. Ford, General Motors, Chrysler, Toyota, Subaru and Volkswagon all scored a perfect 100. You could try Volvo, but that’s a Swedish company and you know how those morally bankrupt Scandinavians like to treat gay people like human beings. It may be horse and buggy time.

Finances are gonna be damn near impossible. Want to find a hetero-normative mortgage? Good luck. Bank of America, Citigroup, Countrywide, JP Morgan Chase, Fannie Mae, Indy Mac, Washington Mutual and Wells Fargo all scored 100. Need a morally upstanding credit card? Avoid American Express, Mastercard and Visa; all got perfect scores. Can’t do Discover either, since they’re owned by Morgan Stanley and damn if they didn’t get a 100 as well.

Banking in general is gonna be a real problem for the Righteous, and you might as well give up on any thought of investing your money or saving for retirement. Bank of America, Bear Stearns, Capital One Financial, Charles Schwab, Deutsche Bank, Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Wachovia – all get perfect scores on the Sodomy Scale. I guess that leaves the old coffee can under the bed, but you’ll have to make sure it isn’t Maxwell House or Gevalia; they’re both owned by Kraft Foods which, you guessed it, got a perfect score too.

Speaking of which, eating and drinking could be a bit difficult as well. No Coke or Pepsi, they both got 100. Nothing from Kraft or General Mills, which wipes out about half the products in the supermarket. No Budweiser. For crying out loud, even Coors, typically a friend to conservatives, has been corrupted by the forces of buggery and scores a perfect 100. And even that old American standy, Campbell Soups, got a 95.

Ironically, you can safely eat Heinz 57 sauce; despite being associated with a certain gay-loving Massachusetts liberal, they only scored a 46. It doesn’t look like you’ll have much to put it on though; perhaps it will go well with the manna from the sky you’ll be relying on in your quest to take a stand for decency in America.

It’s probably a good thing that most of you believe in faith healing too, because getting health insurance without supporting those godless sodomites may prove impossible. AAA, Hartford, Metlife, Prudential, ING and Nationwide are all perfect 100s. Even the obviously misnamed American Family Insurance Group scores over 100. Don’t they know that you can’t use the word “family” unless you’re anti-gay?

Even if you did have health insurance, your doctor couldn’t prescribe you any medication made by Eli Lilly, Bristol Myers Squibb, GlaxoSmithKline, Johnson and Johnson, Merck or Pfizer. Don’t worry, I’m sure that rash will clear up soon. And if it doesn’t, take solace in the fact that you’re doing the right thing. Wear it like a badge of honor for your brave and virtuous stand against immorality and equality.


Browse Our Archives