I troll the right wing fever swamps every day, but when I’m really looking for rock bottom, I turn to Free Republic for the lulz. This post, written by someone calling himself Eternal Vigilance, sufficiently made me laugh. In it, he explains why same-sex marriage is actually unconstitutional.
“Gay marriage” makes it impossible to fulfill a single clause of the stated purposes of the Constitution.
You can’t possibly “form a more perfect Union” by destroying the most important first bonds that tie together any society, the bonds of holy matrimony, and the bonds of the natural family.
Ha. Absurd in both premise and conclusion. First, you’ll need to explain how letting gay people get married will “destroy” marriage and the “natural family.” Will it destroy your marriage? Anyone’s you know? No? Then you’re talking out your ass.
You can’t “establish Justice” by committing the gross injustice of destroying the first and most important institution of civil society, which is the family.
Still waiting for a connection between letting gay peopleget married and “destroying” the family.
You can’t “insure domestic Tranquility” by committing violence against domestic life.
You can’t “provide for the common defense” by destroying the source of the next generation that must defend the republic, or by crippling the only moral basis that can possibly make them an effective fighting force.
Destroying the source of the next generation? Do you think that letting gay people get married will cause straight people to stop having children? Because that’s really, really fucking stupid.
You get the idea. It’s funny stuff by some halfwit wanna be con law scholar.