The Greatest Political Scandal Ever

The Greatest Political Scandal Ever August 9, 2015

Last year two Republicans were elected to the Michigan House of Representatives, Todd Courser and Cindy Gamrat. Even by right-wing standards, these two are way the hell out on the fringe. They managed to get kicked out of the Republican caucus almost immediately for their bizarre behavior. And now they have been caught red-handed in what may be the single greatest and most hilarious political scandal in American history. No, I’m not exaggerating.

Get this. These two God-soaked Christians, both married with multiple children, who rail constantly against the evils of sin and how those damn gay people are destroying the sanctity of marriage, have been having an affair. I know, that’s not enough to make it the greatest scandal ever. But I’m just getting started. When someone sent them an anonymous text making clear that they were going to expose the affair to the world, they hatched the most ingenious plan to blunt the impact of that revelation: They were going to leak a story to the press about Courser being caught with a gay prostitute behind a gay bar in Lansing, the idea being that after that story hit the press, the story of the affair would be “mild by comparison.” Geniuses, right?

State Rep. Todd Courser planned the distribution of a fictional email alleging he had sex with a male prostitute in a bid to conceal his relationship with Rep. Cindy Gamrat, according to audio recordings obtained by The Detroit News.

Courser, a Lapeer Republican, said on one recording the email was designed to create “a complete smear campaign” of exaggerated, false claims about him and Gamrat so a public revelation about the legislators’ relationship would seem “mild by comparison.”…

A now-former House aide recorded Courser in mid-May directing him to send Republican activists and operatives an email that would appear to be from an anonymous political enemy that said Courser had been “caught behind a Lansing nightclub” having sex with a man…

During the May 19 meeting, Courser instructed Graham to send rank-and-file Republicans across Michigan what he called “an over-the-top story that’s obscene about me.” It was designed, Courser said on the recording, to “inoculate the herd” — an apparent reference to Courser and Gamrat’s followers in the tea party movement.

“It will make anything else that comes out after that — that isn’t a video — mundane, tame by comparison,” Courser, a married father of four, told Graham.

“I need a controlled burn,” said the lawmaker, who used the term three times during the meeting.

Graham recorded the calls but refused to do it, so Courser apparently got someone else to do it or did it himself.

Written using the pseudonym George Rathburn, the sexually explicit email was received by Republicans on May 20 and 21, the two days following Courser’s meeting with Graham. The missive claimed Courser was removed from the House GOP caucus after being caught having “paid male on male sex behind a prominent Lansing night club,” among other claims.

During the May 19 meeting, Courser twice read aloud portions of a draft email to Graham. Most of the sentences Courser recited match copies of the email sent to Republicans and obtained by The News.

“Nobody’s gonna believe any of that,” Graham said about the draft email.

“Correct,” said Courser, who then added: “No, they’ll believe some of it. They’ll believe some of it.”

Courser does not explicitly say he wrote the letter, only telling Graham “it’s already written” and that Gamrat “agreed” with sending it.

“It’s what they won’t expect,” Courser said. “At that point, if they don’t have some really, really, really offensive stuff … it will be tough for them to bring it after this.”

I cannot stop laughing about this. If this were a storyline on House of Cards, it would seem too unbelievable. The speaker of the house is launching an investigation into this. There’s no way in hell either one of them can survive this politically, but so far they are refusing to step down. The scuttlebutt around Lansing is that Gamrat’s husband caught them at a hotel near the Capitol and that a fight ensued, but no one at the hotel or in law enforcement is confirming that.

It’s the most hilarious political scandal ever. The affair just shows the utter hypocrisy of these two liars for Jesus, but the astonishingly stupid plan for covering it up takes it to a whole new level. If there’s an LD-50 on schadenfreude, my life may well be in danger at this point. I suggest everyone involved get down to Planned Parenthood, which Courser and Gamrat want defunded, for an STD test.

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