Courser Finally Speaks on the Greatest Political Scandal Ever

Courser Finally Speaks on the Greatest Political Scandal Ever August 11, 2015

Todd Courser has finally spoken publicly about the greatest political scandal ever, the one in which he hatched a cockamamie scheme to plant a fake story about himself having sex with gay prostitute in order to cover up his affair with another Tea Party legislator here in Michigan.

He released a 27 minute audio file responding to the “Detroit News hit piece” that revealed all of this. It cracks me up that he calls it a “hit piece” and then admits that every accusation in the article is true. He had no choice, of course, because it was all recorded. But he has excuses and diversions to offer, like claiming that he was being blackmailed.

State Rep. Todd Courser claimed Monday he distributed a story accusing himself of paying a male prostitute for sex to “expose” individuals trying to blackmail him into resigning office over a relationship with Rep. Cindy Gamrat.

In his first response to The Detroit News’ story Friday exposing Courser’s role in the email, Courser claimed his former aides Ben Graham, Keith Allard and Joshua Cline were behind the anonymous text messages he received, threatening to expose his relationship with Gamrat, a fellow Republican from Plainwell.

“The email in question was really put in motion to disrupt, disrupt the blackmailer and to give me some clues as to what their ability was as far as surveillance over my life and the threats they were making,” Courser said in an audio recording released early Monday morning.

That is not, however, what he said on the recorded phone calls with his aide asking him to send the email about him having sex with a gay prostitute behind a bar in Lansing. He said he was doing it because that accusation would be so shocking that if the affair he was having with Cindy Gamrat did come out, it would seem “tame by comparison.” But either way, it’s simply the most idiotic plan ever conceived. It’s absurd to think that putting out the fake scandal about the gay prostitute would do anything but add to the adultery scandal. And he never explains why he could possibly have thought that putting out the fake scandal would “disrupt” the alleged blackmailer or give him any information about who they were or what they could do. Meet the new explanation — just as idiotic as the first explanation.

In his recorded response Monday, Courser acknowledged the salacious email that said he was an alcoholic and drug-addicted “bisexual monster” was “over the top, it was wrong.”

“It was a fast decision on my part to do the emails,” Courser said. “It was not my finest moment. It was the only option that I felt would be unpredicted by the blackmailer.”

Genius. The guy is just a fucking genius.

Courser accuses Graham, 25, of being part of the blackmail plot. In May, Graham refused to send the email for Courser. Weeks later, Courser gave Graham a 6 percent pay raise, state records show. On July 7, Courser fired Graham without explanation.

“The blackmailer’s still operating, goading me,” Courser said on the audio recording. “So I’m not sure how big the ring still is, but they’re still out there and still anonymous.”

Even if this blackmailer claim is true (and he offers no evidence for it whatsoever), he had two realistic options at that point: He could admit to it before they released it, thus robbing them of their leverage, or he could contact the FBI or the state police to investigate it. He could have done both of them or either of them. Instead he chose to tell the public that he was an adulterer and an alcoholic bisexual who has sex with prostitutes. It’s just genius.

Courser accused Graham, Allard and Cline of being “ill-suited” for legislative work and claimed they “bugged and then wiretapped” the combined House office he and Gamrat ran — an unusual arrangement at the Capitol — at the behest of Speaker Kevin Cotter.

Graham, Allard and Cline are his former employees, aides in the office that he and his mistress Cindy Gamrat shared in the House office building (a highly unusual arrangement, to say the least). He’s the one who hired them. And Cline is an old friend of his from his hometown. And he gave Graham a raise weeks before firing him. I think the one who is ill-suited for legislative work is obviously Courser (and Gamrat too).

But this is the best part:

Courser, a tea party conservative who has battled Republican leaders since being elected to office last year, said in the recording he would not resign as representative of the 82nd District in Lapeer County.

“I could have resigned, this is really the option that anonymous texter wanted, and doing so quietly,” Courser said. “I simply would have been submitting to the authority of the establishment machine and doing so to protect myself and protect my family.

“… I felt that in of itself really allowed them to win and continue to do this in the way that they do in finding the screw and the thing that they can turn and turning it,” Courser added.

Courser said remaining in office is “absolutely essential” to advance the cause of smaller government.

“I feel it is absolutely, absolutely essential to have these clandestine operations to control public officials exposed,” Courser said. “So I refuse to leave quietly and have decided to that these efforts really need to come out.”…

“I have the problems in my background, the difficulties in my background like anyone else,” Courser said. “And yet when I look to our founding fathers, they were all flawed and some deeply so. And yet they didn’t seem to see that … as a reason to not serve. And they served.”

Ah yes, the old “I can’t resign because I have such important work to do” argument. How many politicians have we heard use that one? And to blame this all on “the establishment” is equally ridiculous. But comparing himself to the Founding Fathers? That’s the icing on this giant cake filled with stupidity and desperation. But he’s trying like hell to protect Gamrat:

“But there’s also another group that I need to ask forgiveness from and that’s Representative Gamrat and her family — and especially her husband,” Courser said. “My actions in and around these events and the email that was sent to misdirect attention were my doing, both in planning and execution. No one else has the responsibility in those actions. They are mine and mine alone to carry.”

Except that on the original audio recordings, you can hear Courser interrupting the talk with Graham to take a call from Gamrat and telling her that he’s trying to get Graham to send the email. So at the very least, she knew about it in advance and was presumably okay with the idea.

God, I’m enjoying this. It’s just the greatest political scandal ever. It has everything — hypocrisy, stupidity, deceit. I love it.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • JTEberhard

    If I woke up and spent the whole day trying to come up with the most absurd story my imagination could produce in order to embarrass the Republican party…

    …it would not even approach this. This is truly god damn artwork.

    • Sol III

      lol, that was my thought, too. A god damned Masterpiece!

    • Quite simply, I could not think of anything so ridiculous. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

  • John Pieret

    And yet when I look to our founding fathers, they were all flawed and some deeply so

    But none of them were morons as far as I know.

  • Sastra

    My first thought was that he put out the more shocking fake scandal so it would be exposed as fake, and thus his constituents would discount the other one as undoubtedly part of the same conspiracy of lies. It’s not a lie if it’s done for the cause of greater truth, you know.

    Wait, yes it is. Never mind.

  • John Pieret

    My first thought was that he put out the more shocking fake scandal so it would be exposed as fake

    Well, that part of the plan worked!

    and thus his constituents would discount the other one as undoubtedly part of the same conspiracy of lies.

    Who knows? … his constituents were dumb enough to elect him in the first place!

  • Synfandel

    “But there’s also another group that I need to ask forgiveness from and
    that’s Representative Gamrat and her family — and especially her
    husband,” Courser said.

    But not Mrs. Courser?

  • Doc Bill

    Could it be that Courser is simply mentally ill? Wonkette reported that Courser distributed flyers accusing him of being a child molester in 2014, just prior to the election, to gain sympathy from voters.

    However, my sympathy, what little I have and it ain’t much, goes to Gamrat who has to be feeling like a used condom about now.

    • I agree, this whole contrivance is so utterly and astonishingly idiotic, there almost has to be some mental illness in there somewhere. Either that or, perhaps, substance abuse that addled his brain. Then again, as noted, Gamrat appears to have known about it, and went along with it. The chances of two people coincidentally being afflicted with mental illness that wrecks their judgement in exactly the same way at the exact same time, seems highly unlikely. Make of all that what you will … !

      • Sol III

        Not mentally ill. Just a false flag operation to blame those Liebruls Gays for smearing his ….good name ::cough:: while he asks Jebus for forgiveness for his adultery ala Billy Graham. While all the time committing the sin of bearing false witness x 10

      • Artor

        Teabaggery exerts some serious unnatural selection. These two are the cream of the crop, or whatever it is that rises to the surface of that festering cesspit of humanity.

    • Dadishome

      I don’t want to diagnose mental illness online, but I’d be fine with saying that this guy is very, very fucking stupid, and has really bad ideas.

    • Jason K.

      His actions appear more in line with someone who is: 1) not very smart, 2) not very mature, and 3) terrified of being held accountable for his hypocrisy. I see nothing that would indicate mental illness, however.

    • Sol III

      Just because someone is ‘crazy’ doesn’t make him Mentally Ill. Please don’t insult those with a diagnosed mental health issue like that. 🙂

    • Doc Bill

      Yeah, me with a single semester of Psych 101 under my belt. Might have gotten a “B,” too.

      Anyway, Courser seems to have a pattern of doing this to draw attention to himself: making up these sexual conspiracies, acting out fantasies of persecution. It’s more than just stupid. Louie Gohmert is stupid. Courser appears to me to be a full-blown (ha ha, I crack me up!) fruitcake and not in control of his fruits.

    • Azkyroth

      No. Memeopathy (ideopathy?) is both a sufficient and a more plausible and fitting explanation.

      Maybe we can avoid the splash damage, kthx?

  • DaveL

    Courser acknowledged the salacious email that said he was an alcoholic and drug-addicted “bisexual monster” was “over the top, and it was wrong. “

    I almost wish he were a drug addict and an alcoholic. At least then there would be some prospect he could sober up and return to lucidity.

  • tulips

    He has to do this to protect his family and continue his work? Couldn’t he have achieved this end more efficiently by not having an affair in the first place? I mean..one assumes that he was aware that adultery might be a problem with respect to both his family life and his fringe right political status? A no brainer, right? Shooting fish in a barrel really to get the right answer on this one. So…what gives, Todd Courser? Was that…a lack of personal responsibility in action? From a declared conservative? Gasp! Color me shocked. (faints)

    • Sol III

      Well, you know, abstinence until marriage, and then fidelity while in it is 100% effective, right?

      • tulips

        Especially in combination with top tier birth control 😉

  • Nik Snow

    Is there not some adage that is traditional in such circumstances…it usually involved a spade…a hole…and something about stopping using the spade?

    • Bob Jase

      Hey, don’t play the garden utensil card!

  • Bob Jase

    The ghost of Ralph Kramden surely influenced his plans.

  • tsig

    Well there’s the well know story of George W. floating the rumor that he had a relationship with his male gardener to cover up a real one with his horse.

  • karmacat

    Maybe he should be walking the yellow brick road singing, “If I only had a brain.”

  • Sol III

    Jebus Crisp, this guy has an adulterous affair, tries to lie and misdirect the public by hatching a hoax smear campaign, then lies about that by claiming he was being blackmailed by the Whistleblower….only in christian fundy land.

  • eric

    I like how he and Ms. Gamrat created a combined office. Jeez, don’t you get enough kickbacks to rent a hotel room like a normal politician?

    • ebrayton

      They were renting hotel rooms. Expensive ones, at the Radisson a block away from the capitol.

  • MKW

    Couldn’t he at least involve an NSA sleeper agent or the Illuminati? I mean if he’s going full crazy, he might as well be wearing a tin foil hat. It would probably play really well with his voter base if he started talking about the Freemasons or something.

  • The_Wretched

    The only way to detract from the fake gay sex fling was to concoct the blackmail story…

    I can’t wait to see what he’ll try to use to distract from the fake/d blackmail….

  • freemage

    I swear, this was a plot on an early-ish episode of Parks & Recreation. Scandal-prone councilman gets photographed with Leslie at a restaurant, everyone starts talking about how they must be having an affair, and he decides to act like it was real, because the actual truth about his most recent salacious activities is so much worse than just sleeping with a nice woman. (IIRC, it involved sex in the maternity ward with several nurses–he was there, of course, to oversee the birth of another love-child.)

  • Michael Neville

    So, class, we now see there are at least three levels of stupidity. There’s ordinary stupid, there’s incredibly stupid, and there’s Courser stupid.

  • Jeremy Shaffer

    State Rep. Todd Courser claimed Monday he distributed a
    story accusing himself of paying a male prostitute for sex to “expose”
    individuals trying to blackmail him into resigning office over a relationship
    with Rep. Cindy Gamrat.

    This reminds me of all those guys on To Catch a Predator who say they only showed up at the kid’s house to give them a “talking to” about trusting strangers on the internet.

  • DingoJack

    I have the problems in my background, the difficulties in my background like anyone else,” Courser said. “And yet when I look to our founding fathers, they were all flawed and some deeply so. And yet they didn’t seem to see that … as a reason to not serve. And they served“.

    But, but, but — you forget Washington’s claims of having kinky sex with William Howe in Brooklyn (behind the second cowshed on the left) after they had consumed a whole bottle of laudanum together. Of course the former claimed that he was being anonymously blackmailed over [sotto voce] owning slaves (yes, shocking I know). He blamed that Alexander Hamilton, (just look how shifty he looks on the ten dollar bill) and so did Mrs. Reynolds…

  • Whenever I feel depressed about having Patrick Colbeck as my state senator, I look at Todd Courser and realize that it could always be worse. I could have a state rep. or senator of the caliber of Todd Courser. On the other hand, at least Courser is so inept as to be highly entertaining. Colbeck is just inept and dangerous.