Best Description of Tucker Carlson Ever

Best Description of Tucker Carlson Ever April 27, 2018

I’ve had a good time making fun of Tucker Carlson over the years. I have in the past described him as “the walking embodiment of someone eating a mayonnaise sandwich on Wonder bread while listening to Kenny G, wearing yoga pants and Uggs, reading Mein Kampf and polishing your lawn jockeys, the Platonic ideal of unbearable whiteness.” But Michael Harriot has topped that:

Just when you thought the sentient celery stalk who cosplays as a concerned-as-fuck-looking, mediocre, diet white nationalist on Fox News couldn’t get any whiter …

You should know that there’s no limit to how low Caucasian shenanigans can go. Fox News’ proprietary brand of whiteness is like absolute zero and episodes of Real Housewives—the bottom is only theoretical.

Oh, snap. The topic under discussion was the town of Hazelton, Pennsylvania. Carlson was citing a National Geographic report on shifting demographics. Since 2000, that town has supposedly gone from 2.5% Latino to majority Latino. And that, Carlson argues, makes people nervous because that is “more change than human beings are designed to digest.” Designed? By what or whom?

Harriot points out that there aren’t fewer white people there, those numbers have remained steady. What has happened is that a lot of Latino people have moved in and made the white people all jittery. “Carlson’s entire argument is based on the fact that he doesn’t want to live around brown people,” Harriot writes. “More pointedly, he doesn’t want to be a minority. But if—as Tucker often claims—he’s not a bigot and racism is overblown, why would he have any problem being a minority? After all, he’d still be white.” Good question.

He also points out the hypocrisy of Carlson saying that this change isn’t happening in the neighborhoods that policymakers live in, that their neighborhoods “look like it’s 1960! No demographic change at all!” But Carlson himself lives in a $3.85 million home in a neighborhood he once told an interviewer “looks exactly like it did in 1955.” The man is a shameless hypocrite.

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