Crokin Blames Clinton Witchcraft for Surfing Accident

Crokin Blames Clinton Witchcraft for Surfing Accident August 30, 2018

Unhinged conspiracy nut Liz Crokin was recently in a surfing accident in which she lost the tips of two fingers when the surfboard, which was attached to her hand by rope, was ripped away by a wave. A rational person would just chalk it up to bad luck. Crokin is not, of course, a rational person so she blames it on Hillary Clinton casting a spell on her.

“These people that I expose engage in witchcraft,” Crokin said. “You know, the people like Marina Abramović, the people like Hillary Clinton, [the people] from the deep state articles that are getting ready to write a hit piece on me right now. Well, look it up. Look it up. Do research on Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton and their trip to Haiti and how—I think it was on their honeymoon—they admitted to doing voodoo there together. Research Marina Abramović; she talks about the rituals she does, she’s an occultist.”

“All these people dabble in witchcraft and spirit cooking,” she added. “So, do these people do witchcraft against me? Of course they do. And I wouldn’t be surprised if they were casting spells on me the night before.”

“These people do engage in witchcraft, they do cast spells on people,” Crokin insisted. “So I’m sure there was some spiritual stuff going on.”

Hmmm. You know what that sounds like to me? An admission that her god won’t or can’t protect her against spells. Has she not been praying hard enough? Not often enough? Did she forget the magic words? Or does God hate her? Hey, maybe God is sending a message to her and her fellow crackpots to stop making idiotic claims in his name. Maybe he’s “lifted his hand of protection” from them, or some such rot.

"OK, that's worth a dope slap right there."

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