Pat Robertson is Gonna Pray the Hurricane Away

Pat Robertson is Gonna Pray the Hurricane Away September 11, 2018

Pat Robertson has a long history of claiming that his prayers are so powerful that they can turn away hurricanes. He claimed to have done that decades ago when he first started CBN, ignoring the fact that the hurricane just turned north and was massively destructive in New Jersey and New York instead. Now he says he has established a hedge of protection around his area and ordered Hurricane Francis to go back out to sea and not do any damage.

“I don’t want that thing to come in,” Robertson said. “I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t wait it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.”

Robertson then commanded Florence, in the name of Jesus, to change its path away from land and to spin off into the Atlantic ocean.

“We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!”

Robertson then assured those who had gathered in prayer that they will “live to mark this day” as the moment when their prayers guaranteed that “we are not going to let Hurricane Florence hurt us.”

Welp, that oughta do it. Everyone in the area can rest easy, stop preparing for the hurricane and stay right where they are. Wanna take bets on whether Robertson stays home in the path of the hurricane or gets the hell out of dodge? I’d be willing to bet he’s gonna be out on a private jet to somewhere inland, showing just how strong his faith is. I think everyone who works for him and believes that he has the power to change the weather should not only stay in their homes, they should gather on the beach and throw a party. Prove to the world just how strong your faith is.

If it does hit, of course, they can just blame the gays, or the ACLU, or witches or — oh hell, let’s go for it — Obama and George Soros and their secret weather-control machine. There’s always an excuse.

"I am sure a lot of priests running scout troops could give an answer."

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