Jackson Exorcises All Our Demons

Jackson Exorcises All Our Demons May 2, 2019

E.W. Jackson, the crackpot who nearly became Lt. Governor of Virginia, is one of those people who claims anyone who disagrees with him is possessed by demons. He’s finally doing something about it, borrowing a page from Bob Larson and performing an exorcism of all of us during his radio show this week.

“What is wrong with these people?” he asked. “Well, we know what’s wrong. What’s wrong is that they’re filled with the devil. That gets them going whenever I say that they’re demonic, but that’s really what’s wrong. I don’t say that to disparage them, I just say that to truthfully describe the problem and, in the name of Jesus, the devil needs to be cast out of them.”

“So if any of you are monitoring the program right now and you are out there on the left hating me and encouraging people to hate me and all of that because I am telling the truth according to the word of God, I say, ‘In the name of Jesus, Satan, come out of them now!’” Jackson proclaimed. “In Jesus’ name, hallelujah. Folks, I can see demons trembling right now.”

Man, I feel like 20 pounds lighter now. Wait, that’s probably from the paracentesis I got on Tuesday. Maybe that’s what all this ascites is all about that I’m suffering from — demon juice! I should warn the radiology nurses that they might catch The Devil by tapping into it and drawing it out. Then again, I get them done at a Catholic hospital, so they’re probably safe.

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