February unleashed

Our generation played with the Frisbee (Rubik’s Cube followed slightly later). Usually bright yellow, it looked more like a plate. The Frisbee was something we never forgot to pack, be it a picnic or a summer stay at a hillside cottage. It had a mind of its own and never followed the intended direction (especially when it was my turn). If throwing it correctly was a challenge then catching it was even a bigger challenge, making us scamper in confused frenzy. We mostly ended up losing it. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the Frisbee had an inventor, Walter Fredrick Morrison who died at the age of 90 on the 13th this month!

Haldiram left an unsavoury taste in our mouth. Prabhu Shankar Aggarwal, proprietor of this iconic brand, was sentenced to life imprisonment for conspiring to kill a tea stall owner. If he didn’t like his chai, he could have just said so. The Bhujiya baron is now earning a princely amount of Rs 21 tending to hapless shrubs in the jail premises.

Meanwhile the climate could not make up its mind between Ice Age and Global Warming. While most of North America, Siberia, Mongolia and China faced the most brutal winter in a century this season, Delhi witnessed the warmest winter in 55 years. Was it that warm? Then why was I shivering most of January?

A selfless team of Gurgaon electricity board officials went to Brazil seeking answers to Haryana’s power woes. Their visit coincided strangely with the Rio Carnival. I can now sleep peacefully despite the 12 hour power cuts, safe in the knowledge that our taxes are being well utilized for in-depth research in far off lands. And speaking of the carnival, inclusion of 7 year old Julia Lira as the drum corps queen raised the ire of child welfare advocates. Children pushed into the limelight is such an uncomfortable zone. It always leaves me wondering as to who wants it more, the parents or the child.

February is the month of love. This Valentine’s, while most of the world ate heart shaped pastries, tugged at heart shaped balloons, Muthalik, Sri Ram Sene leader, got a free makeover. Just as he was about to launch into another diatribe against Valentine’s Day, his face was smeared black by some unruly Congress activists. Tragically he got no pink chaddis this year.

English football got its first female referee, a move that was dismissed as “tokenism for politically correct idiots”. Our country on the other hand is brimming with politically incorrect idiots. Like the Shiv Sena, making a complete mockery of the term “freedom of speech”. The Khan refused to eat his words. The Sainiks threatened, participated in pointless television debates and vandalized public property. Not that it mattered. People flocked to the theatres whether or not they actually wanted to watch “My name is Khan” all for the sake of solidarity. BJP leader Nitin Gadkari on the other hand sang a different tune. At the saffron party’s national executive meet in Mahdya Pradesh, Gadkari belted out ‘Zindagi aisi hai paheli hai, Kabhi ye hansaye kabhi ye rulaye’ . I can imagine Simon Cowell (of American Idol fame) scowling at him and saying “frankly, I couldn’t make out where the noise was coming from”.

Google’s Buzz made its debut and a forced entry in our mail box this month. It looks like a cross between Twitter and Facebook to me. Do we really need yet another social networking site? Discover how many followers we have and follow others as a moral obligation! Not me. Predictably Google’s new application did not generate enough buzz.

It had now been scientifically proven what we have known all along. Grumpy colleagues are the biggest workplace irritants. But what we did not know is that heavy snoring actually burns calories. Finally a noisy and convenient way to shed all the unwanted bulge! And before I prepare to toss and turn yet again, I have to practise the “You are irritating as hell, I now have scientific proof” speech for all my grouchy colleagues.

But does that stop me from raving and ranting about all the expected and unexpected twists in this year’s budget? Absolutely not, I am simply exercising my 7th fundamental right. Right to crib about anything and everything.