The News Just Got Spicier

In an amusing take on the Indian dream, a 60 year old school dropout from Andhra Pradesh has demonstrated that you do not need prestigious degrees to bag big deals. Devadass Reddy has effortlessly duped giant corporations and well-heeled professionals into buying the Bay of Bengal and its shoreline. Apart from the Sea, he has also managed to sell river beds and canals. Reddy even duped Indian Oil Corporation into buying 166 acres of sea water from him. Yet another example of recklessness with which Public Sector companies gamble with the tax payer’s money.

Pakistan on the other hand is not so amused. Our unfriendly neighbor has notched up an unenviable first place for porn searches per person across the world. According to a Fox news report, Pakistan – the land of pure, tops in searches for “horse sex”, “donkey sex”, “dog sex”, “camel sex”. Actually the list is quite gory but I couldn’t make myself type the entire list. Are men in Pakistan misconstruing the term “wild-sex”? Someone needs to enlighten them ASAP before they end up featuring in some more embarrassing lists.

But someone is wasting all his energy on the right places. Omar Bin Laden, progeny of the infamous Al Qaeda chief is managing to grab the headlines for all the wrong reasons, much like his illustrious Dad. At 29, he already has two wives behind him and has revealed that he now wants to date Drew Barrymore, the most beautiful woman in Hollywood. Just last month, while he was still married to his current flame, a 54 year old psychoanalyst, he had announced that if he has a daughter he will name her Elizabeth, after the Queen of England. The queen received this news with much jubilation and a few hours later, was caught speeding her Jaguar without her seat belt on.

A newly launched website “I write like” claims it can find your inner author. All you have to do is paste a few paragraphs of your writing and you get instant verdict, telling you that you write like Bill Bryson, Jane Austen, Steig Larrson. The New York Times tried putting actual novels such as Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick”. Turns out the dear departed author writes less like himself and more like Stephen King.

Sarah Palin on the other hand is convinced that she writes like Shakespeare and doesn’t need a fuddy duddy site to tell her that. Her recent tweet that “urged peaceful Muslims to please refudiate the idea” kicked up a storm, with media scribes searching high and low for the meaning of this “exciting new” word. She later justified her Freudian slip with a “like Shakespeare, I too can coin words”. 400 years later, the bard finally seems to be facing some real competition.

Me, I’m not too keen to discover the inner author in me. I’ll continue posting gibberish on my blog and continue nurturing my allusions to grandeur. I also intend to hone my entrepreneurial skills. I’m selling Yamuna muck at a whopping 50% discount. Any takers???