The word ‘respect’ summons an array of potential meanings, the most obvious of which might be to honour, look up to, obey, and revere. It occurred to me recently that none of these form the foundation of respect. In fact, there might only be a handful of people each of us looks up to in such a way, in which case respect becomes something rarefied rather than universal.
To me, the foundation of respect is care. When I respect my wife’s needs, I pause to consider what those might be, which means caring that she feels looked after and loved. I can’t respect my wife without loving her first. If I sense she needs time to herself, or a foot rub, or to be listened to, I must first have ‘ears to hear’ that need, and those ears only exist on the basis of love. If I didn’t love her, my senses wouldn’t be attuned to her needs in the first place.
I’m always working on how to look after my step-son well, and bring him up to be the fine young man he is fast becoming, but raising a teenager isn’t easy. Respecting Levi means showing an interest in his hobbies, playing football with him in the garden, and importantly, not pushing my nose too far into his business – like many young people, he guards his privacy closely. Respecting Levi means considering him, his feelings, and his needs, but again, I would have no radar for those needs without the foundation of love, which spurs me on to serve him.
Who is my neighbour?
Here’s the rub. If love is the foundation of respect, then we’re called to respect everyone, because we’re called to love everyone. Jesus told the parable of the good Samaritan to demonstrate what ‘loving your neighbour’ means. He was being questioned by someone wishing to catch him out, but managed to tease from him the basis of what it means to obey God’s commands. Luke 10:26-28,
‘What is written in the Law?’ he [Jesus] replied. ‘How do you read it?’
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind”; and, “Love your neighbour as yourself.”
‘You have answered correctly,’ Jesus replied. ‘Do this and you will live.’
The questioner sought to find a get out clause in verse 29:
But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbour?’
It was this exchange which led to the telling of the parable of the Good Samaritan, in which a Jewish man is violently robbed and left for dead. Two of his fellow countrymen pass by without helping him, fearing the attackers might still be about, but a political and religious enemy of the Jews, a Samaritan, saved the man’s life and ensured he was nursed back to health. Jesus caught the man seeking to trap him in his own snare, in verses 36-37:
‘Which of these three do you think was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?’
The expert in the law replied, ‘The one who had mercy on him.’
Jesus told him, ‘Go and do likewise.’
Through this parable, Jesus established a simple truth – our neighbours (those we are called to love) are not a small collection of people we have something in common with; our neighbours are anyone and everyone, including those from different backgrounds, or even those likely to be antagonists in our lives.
Wear love like a garment
John puts it like this (1 John 4:7):
‘Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.’
Love is not a heady emotion alone; it is service. 1 John 3:17,
‘If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?’
If the dots are joined, the picture becomes clear – we are called to love and serve everyone. We are called to see the best in people, call that into being, consider their needs, put them first, and to do so with joy. And all of this results in respect – respect of a person’s existence, right to life, privacy, feelings, and needs. This is the kind of respect God calls each of us to; universal respect, outworked as a lifestyle of consideration. It means walking around attuned to love.
This begs a challenging question. How do you interact with the world and with other people by default? Are you angry, rude, opinionated, forceful? Do you dominate conversation? Do you seek to be served more than to serve? How does that play itself out in your politics? Do you emphasise personal responsibility without equally emphasising compassion? What about your wallet? How often and how joyfully do you give to those in need? How do you view those who are down and out? What are your assumptions about refugees? A Christlike heart is soft and compassionate, always seeking to understand, to console, and to encourage. How does yours compare?
To respect others is to see the value in them, even if that value is hard to perceive. It takes work, commitment, and the help of God, but a choice to live a life of respect is a choice to live a life of love, and the transformation this leads us to is true discipleship. We cannot simply turn love on like a switch, however. Love is the overflow in a person who nurtures a deep divine connection. We love because he first loved us, therefore the first and most important thing any of us can do is spend regular time with God and develop sensitivity to his leading. Unavoidably, all aspects of Christian growth spring from a close walk with the Holy Spirit. As I emphasise in much of my writing, every believer can make a choice to dive deep into the river of God. When we are full of the Holy Spirit, when our thinking about God is clear, we have an abundance of care and respect to give.
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