Recently, I stumbled upon a YouTube video featuring a discussion panel that included both Christians and individuals who identify as “deconstructing” or “ex-Christians.” Regrettably, I found little value in the insights shared by either group. However, one particular comment struck a nerve with me—not because of the individual who made it, but due to the implications it has for Christianity as a whole.
After an “ex-Christian” recounted their experiences growing up in the church and the “toxic” relationships they encountered, a Christian panelist offered a heartfelt apology. While this gesture may appear commendable or “Christ-like” at first glance, I perceive it differently; it seems to validate an erroneous perception about God and the church—that one’s relationship with the Lord should be in the hands of others.
I am utterly exhausted by the sight of Christians apologizing on behalf of “all of us” for the pain, deceit, or negative feelings that may have driven “deconstructing” or “ex-Christians” away from Christianity. Statements like, “I’m so sorry for many of us letting you down,” and “I apologize for any negative experiences you’ve encountered with the church” are just tiresome. Honestly, it’s time to stop.
No one can compel another to disbelieve in God any more than they can force someone to have faith in him. If an individual undergoes a “deconstruction” that leads them to reject belief in God, it likely indicates that they never truly believed in the first place, but were sold a misleading concept of him.
This is apparent when one listens to the numerous testimonies of those who claim to embrace this so-called “deconstruction,” which is not genuine deconstruction at all, as there was likely never a true foundation built— only a series of human-made traditions.
I could be mistaken, but my personal view is that these individuals may have grown up in an environment with strict limitations, unable to pursue their desires, leading them to reason away their beliefs as they matured. Their deconstruction was never a quest for truth, as the answers they seek are readily found in Scripture; rather, it seems to stem from a desire to explore “sin” and worldly pleasures.
Consequently, this deconstruction narrative serves as a justification for their actions, while the continuous social media discussions and personal stories about escaping what they label as “toxic Christianity” is primarily to seek validation from others, allowing them to feel better about the choices that they believe deep down are wrong.
Well, I for one, don’t entertain such feelings—especially when the circumstances don’t warrant such sensitivity. In other words, don’t look for sympathy from me. The Christian faith is no different from any other religion or any other aspect of life when it comes to imperfections. Welcome to the world—where life is indeed a rollercoaster—a tumultuous journey filled with disappointments, challenges, and pain.
There is going to be rejection. There is going to be pain. What truly matters is how we navigate these experiences and emerge stronger. But, no one is responsible for someone else’s lack of faith, so there is no need to apologize for it. Coddling individuals won’t provide any real benefit.
However, this seems to be a prevalent trend within Christianity. We tend to coddle people in their sins, their apathy toward God’s Word, and their decisions to turn away from God. Besides being unhelpful, it’s something Jesus would not have done (Matt. 17:17-20; Matt. 14:31; Jn. 3:18;Jn. 6:60-71; Jn. 5:47; Jn. 20:29).
If you were bamboozled about your faith, I empathize with you. I really do. The healthiest thing, however, would be not to talk about it every chance you get, but instead to move on. After discovering Santa Claus wasn’t real, I was hurt to my core, but eventually I moved on and got over it; but seriously what is the point?
If you’re as free as you claim, then why act as if you’re still a prisoner, bound to the same conversations? It’s possible that many people feel as if they’re breaking free of an unhealthy addiction and helping others to break free of it as well, as I’ve seen people absurdly compare Christianity to a harmful drug or alcohol habit. Nevertheless, anyone with common sense could see that there is absolutely no comparison.
Also, I haven’t seen as many former addicts speak out about their addictions as I have “former Christians.” With the exception of those who have actually been physically abused, in this attention-hungry, social media-addicted world, I only see “deconstructionists” as immature individuals desperate for attention.
Now, to be fair, I readily acknowledge that there are numerous issues within Christianity and among Christians, particularly concerning the widespread problem of biblical illiteracy and the condemnation we often unleash, believing it to be righteous when it’s not. While this can lead to negative feelings and experiences, it doesn’t justify turning away from God.
Furthermore, many of us, including those who remain steadfast in their faith, have faced our own challenges with the church. Why is that? Because the church is imperfect and vastly different from what it was in the days of Jesus and Paul. This doesn’t give us an excuse to whine to everyone about it or make specialized Facebook groups to talk about how hurt we are or whatever the purpose is supposed to be besides to get attention.
Personally, I’ve gone through a crisis of faith and felt misled myself, when I discovered that much of what I had been taught about God and the church was either false or distorted. As I contemplated the possibility that what I had been believing all these years was false, I felt fear and anxiety. Could it be that the God I worshiped, cherished, and communed with every day was just a construction of people? I was and still am angry.
But, in the end, it boiled down to two possibilities: either God wasn’t real, or the things others had told me about him were inaccurate—-“Let God be true but every man a liar.” Although this revelation deeply unsettled me and prompted serious reflection, my trust in God remained intact.
The intimate experiences I encountered early in our relationship, make it impossible for me to forsake that faith. I know with absolute certainty that God is real, which means I had been misinformed by those around me.
This realization is one of the primary motivations for this blog. Those feelings of anger and disappointment had to be channeled somewhere productive. Instead of engaging in endless debates on social media, I thought it would be more beneficial to create a space for those interested in seeking the truth.
Consequently, due to my crisis of faith, I embarked on a journey of “deconstruction.” Unlike others who abandon their beliefs, my aim is to reconstruct my understanding of God—this time grounded in Scripture and guided by the Holy Spirit, rather than relying on the flawed interpretations of individuals with insufficient biblical study.
I chose to stop conforming to the majority and sought direct guidance from the Lord to lead, teach, and direct me toward the truth. What I discover, I openly share.
However, I have no intention of converting atheists, those apathetic toward God, or so-called “deconstructing” (in a negative sense) Christians, as it is not my duty to persuade anyone to believe in God; that responsibility lies with the Holy Spirit, while we are called to share the Word. Yet, for those who are willing to listen, I invite them to do so.
I know from experience how easy it is to live in a state of blissful ignorance, unaware of the deeper knowledge that exists. I understand the feeling of betrayal when that world comes tumbling down. It is unacceptable that “leadership” positions in the church have allowed this to continue.
Nevertheless, no one should deter us from our belief in the Lord. Instead, we should pursue wisdom, understanding, and truth from him. As I’ve mentioned before, the truth is not concealed; those who genuinely seek it will discover it.
As we enter this new year by God’s grace, I urge you to delve into deeper truths from the Word of God, allowing this year to be one of growth in the Lord, where we gain a richer understanding of his character, his Word, and his purpose for us on this earth.
If you have uncertainties or questions about your faith, I encourage you to deconstruct—not to abandon your faith or turn away from God—but to commit to dismantling false teachings and ideas. This way, we as the church can rebuild our beliefs to align with God’s true teachings, allowing our lives to reflect that alignment.
The choice is ours: deconstruct towards reconstruction or deconstruct towards self-destruction, or a third choice, remain ignorant. We alone are responsible for our choices and must live with them.
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