Beware the Dangerous Heresy of Michael Bird!

Beware the Dangerous Heresy of Michael Bird! April 23, 2014

Joseph M. Holden, the president of something called Veritas Evangelical Seminary (a subsidiary of Norman Geisler industries), has written a post called ICBI Inerrancy is Not for the Birds, in which he draws attention to the cancerous and conniving heretical ravings of a certain Michael Bird.

Apparently this Michael Bird fellow – along with other heresiarchs like Craig Blomberg, Michael Licona, Darrell Bock, and Kevin Vanhoozer – has committed the heinous heresy of advocating genre criticism.  Yes, by asserting that the Bible contains “genres,” this Bird fellow has become himself the devil’s concubine, an incarnation of pure Machiavellian evil, seducing young sterile minds with this filth spewed forth from the bowels of hades and hell. Now the word “genre” is French and we all know that the French are socialists and all socialists are also atheists. So its not wonder that this French fried garlic soaked frog souffle of error called “genre” will necessarily encroach upon the truth of Holy Scripture whenever it is allowed. Oh, my friends, the days are evil, apostasy sallies us from all sides, the kingdom of God is indeed suffering violence, ETS allows in women, Rob Bell is touring with Oprah, the Russians are in the Ukraine, Democrats are in the White house, Fox News ratings are falling, Left Behind sales are plummeting, and poor people are being given government subsidized healthcare! No wonder that the Rapture Index is off the chart! Oh Saint Ronald of Reagan, please intercede for us and petition the Holy Father to send swarms of carnivorous panda bears and battalions of mutant koala bears to devour our enemies.

Note: Do not take this literally, this is a speech-in-character, designed to make light of what is a really, really weird ultra-conservative critique of certain views of inerrancy.


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