New beginnings: Endings

In the past six months, I’ve stepped consciously out into the space of the unknown. We opened the Boulder Center for Conscious Living, we bought a new home–I’ve basically turned my life upside down. After being in the same office for 17 years and the same house for 13, life has looked very different from how it used to be. What used to be smaller and tighter–my office, my house, my schedule–now are big and spacious. Some of the time I fill this space with fear; much of the time it’s with celebration and play.

What I notice when I muse over these past months is how much my old patterns have surfaced and completed themselves. This is most marked in my old tendency to people-please in order to stay connected, no matter what the price. July was a month where I could see people moving out of my life that I might previously have tried to stay relating to, no matter what the cost. I feel sad about these losses, and happy that I am choosing to be big, even if it means losing what used to fit comfortably.