First key to conscious communication: Freedom to feel

If I were queen of the planet earth, my first decree would be thus:

ANYBODY GETS TO FEEL ANYTHING, ANYTIME, FOR ANY REASON.

When I figured out this rule of living, I was stepping towards liberation of my spirit, of my life.

I had operated this way: I’d feel kind of grumpy or out of sorts, and try to figure out “why.” I’d look around me. Did I have a good reason to feel mad? No–clearly, everyone was doing the best they could, so I shouldn’t feel mad. How about scared? Nope. Only weenies get scared. Sad? What do I have to feel sad about? Look at everything I have, all the privilege, I’ve got plenty to eat and a roof over my head. I should be HAPPY!

But I wasn’t happy. I was depressed. Maybe it was biochemical…

Then I stumbled into the Hendricks‘ work. They talked about the five basic feelings, about breathing and moving through them. I was quite perplexed.

Eventually, I got it: I’d been doing everything inside-out. AHA!

I learned to start with the sensations–all of which are valid just because that’s what’s happening, whether I like it or not. My jaw is tight, my stomach is in a knot, my chest feels heavy. Like a checklist. No more meaningful than that.

Connecting the emotions to the sensations was the next step. My jaw feels tight: I feel anger. It just is. I don’t have to even know the reason. I just have to let myself feel anger. THEN IT MOVES THROUGH.

Oh.

If you decide to be queen or king of your own inner world, consider passing this law for yourself.

I GET TO FEEL ANYTHING, ANY TIME, FOR ANY REASON.

And so does everybody else.