“Men will be men,” according to a certain Baptist pastor in North Carolina. This may have ordinarily passed as an innocent statement, but given the circumstances, it was far from innocent. It revealed a very serious issue that is prevalent in many church circles. A video clip which shows the pastor making this comment about men recently went viral, even though the sermon was preached several months ago. In the video, the pastor is seen complaining about the way girls dress. He specifically states that girls in shorts outnumber those wearing dresses or pants combined. He then goes on to state that he actually sat in his car and counted to see if he could confirm this.
If you think it’s problematic that a pastor apparently had nothing better do with his time, your concerns are justified, but it actually gets much worse. During the same message, he basically said that if a girl gets raped dressed like that, he would let the man go free if he was on the jury.
Yes, a pastor said he would not consider a rapist guilty if the victim was wearing shorts.
Let that sink in.
He later apologized. For more details on this story, you can check out the Preacher Boys’ podcast and this essay by Paul Walker, a former Anglican priest, who writes regularly on Medium.
Too little, too late
In fairness to the pastor in question, he later issued an apology posted on the marquis sign outside the church, followed by a formal written apology. While an apology may be a step in the right direction, it is simply not enough to issue an apology in response to the outrage that followed his despicable statement. A person doesn’t just make such statements “by mistake.” It is indicative of a belief system that excuses or justifies sexually inappropriate behavior in men, while blaming victims of sexual assault. Based on his own words in the short video clip, this pastor indicated that he had preached on this issue before. The statement didn’t just come out of thin air. Given the damage that has been done to so many victims of sexual abuse, the apology seems “too little, too late.”
Men are getting mixed messages which are harmful
The idea that men cannot control their sexual urges and therefore rape victims are the ones at fault is wrong and harmful. Women are often molested and assaulted by the very people who are entrusted to protect them, while men are given the erroneous message that they are somehow not in control of their own behaviors. On the one hand, these same men are told that they are the ones with authority and that women should submit to them. Yet, when it comes to sexual misconduct – something that actually is completely under their control – they are told that their behavior depends on women.
“Paying attention to God”
The pastor in the video clip referenced above said, “It seems like we’ve paid no attention to God.”
Well, let’s pay attention to God by examining what the Bible says.
Matthew 5: 27-28 (NIV)
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
This passage of scripture clearly puts the responsibility on the man to control his thoughts, since thoughts can lead to inappropriate behaviors. It seems like this North Carolina pastor and the many who think like him are the ones who need to “pay attention to God.”
I am not suggesting that women shouldn’t dress decently, but the truth of the matter is that a woman who is fully clothed can still be a rape victim. Rape is a conscious act, and it is the person committing the act that needs to be held responsible, not the victim. Churches should be safe havens for the vulnerable and oppressed. We need to expose and dismantle the toxic teachings that perpetrate abuse and hold abusers accountable for their actions.
If you or a loved one have been a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence, help is available.
Resources
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800- 656- 4673
https://www.rainn.org/resources
https://www.wildernesstowild.com/about (Empowering women to thrive after trauma)
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
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