Motherhood doesn’t end when our children grow up.
And neither does the weight of wondering whether we got it right.
I’ve spoken to so many women lately — women of faith, wisdom, and strength — who are quietly grieving. Grieving the broken relationships with their adult children. Grieving the words said in anger. Grieving the unmet expectations, the distance, the silence.
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And above all, grieving with guilt.
The enemy loves to whisper in that space:
“If you had been a better mom… this wouldn’t be happening.”
“If you had prayed harder… they wouldn’t have walked away.”
“You messed it up.”
I know those lies because I’ve heard them, too.
After decades of mothering — through adoption, homeschooling, crisis, and trauma — I watched my marriage unravel, and with it, parts of my family. I’ve had to learn how to navigate relationships with adult children who carry their own wounds and don’t always want to heal in the ways I’d hoped.
And still, God is teaching me something important in this tender, unspoken season of motherhood.
You’re Not Meant to Carry Their Cross
Scripture says:
“Each one should carry their own load.” — Galatians 6:5
That’s not permission to abandon them.
That’s wisdom to release what was never ours to hold forever.
When our kids become adults, they carry their own choices. Their own faith. Their own consequences.
Yes, we still love them fiercely.
But love does not mean rescuing.
Love does not mean rehashing the past on demand.
Love does not mean sacrificing your God-given peace for their approval.
Grace Is Still the Way Forward
If you are living under the cloud of mom guilt, let me gently remind you:
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God never asked you to be perfect.
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He asked you to be faithful.
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And when you missed the mark — because we all do — He offered grace.
If you need to apologize to your adult children, do so with sincerity.
Then leave it at the foot of the Cross.
You don’t need to beg for forgiveness that Christ has already secured.
You don’t need to keep explaining what they’ve already decided not to understand.
You are allowed to have boundaries.
You are allowed to protect your emotional and spiritual well-being.
You are allowed to say, “That belongs to you, not to me anymore.”
You’re Still a Good Mom
If no one has told you lately, let me be the one:
You’re not perfect.
But you are a good mom.
And you are not disqualified from love, joy, or reconciliation — even if your family is fractured right now.
God is still writing your story.
And theirs.
You don’t have to fix it.
You don’t have to carry it all.
You just have to keep walking in truth, rooted in grace, and faithful in prayer.
The second act of motherhood might look different… but it can still be holy.
I would invite you to do two things today: Get a copy of the Second Act Soul Check-In available here. Then check in at our Empty Nesters Facebook Group. Join the conversation as we deconstruct these complex emotions. You are not alone.
How have you learned to deal with and diminish mom guilt? Share your thoughts and stories HERE.
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