Making Peace with Your Adult Children
No one dreams of raising children who grow up to become distant, estranged, or emotionally unavailable.
We imagine our grown children calling often, coming home for dinner, and inviting us into their lives. We expect that after pouring our hearts into motherhood, the bond will remain strong—maybe even grow stronger with time.
But for many mothers, the reality is different.
Maybe your adult child has drifted away.
Maybe they’re struggling with mental health, addiction, or bitterness you don’t fully understand.
Maybe they’ve cut off contact entirely.
Whatever the reason, it’s painful.
It’s disorienting.
And it can leave you questioning everything you did as a parent.
Did I fail them?
Should I have done more?
Why don’t they want a relationship with me now?
Grace in the Grief
If you’re in that place, I want to say this gently: You are not alone. And you are not a bad mother.
You are a human mother who did the best she could. You raised children in a broken world, with your own wounds, limitations, and imperfect tools.
And now, you’re grieving what never was—and what might never be.
God sees that grief. He holds it with you.
You may feel crushed.
But you are not abandoned.
And you are not without peace.
How Do We Make Peace in the Middle of Estrangement?
- Accept that their story is still unfolding.
Your child’s current distance is not the final chapter. God is still working in them—even if you don’t see it. Trust the long arc of His grace.
- Release the idol of reconciliation.
Yes, we hope for healing. But if our peace depends entirely on whether our children come back around, we risk idolizing that outcome. Your peace must come from God, not their response. To read more about dealing with estrangement, visit here.
- Own what’s yours—but only what’s yours.
If you feel convicted about something specific, own it. Apologize humbly. But don’t take on guilt for things you didn’t control—like their mental health, choices, or silence.
- Pray without clinging.
Keep praying for your adult children. But hold them with open hands. Let your prayer life be a place of release, not control. You cannot fix their hearts—but God can reach them.
- Find joy and meaning in your life anyway.
This is hard to say, but essential: Your life is still yours. You are allowed to laugh, grow, love, and live even when the relationship with your child feels broken. God’s mercy is still yours.
Peace Isn’t Passive. It’s Intentional.
It takes strength to live with an open wound.
It takes faith to love a child from afar.
And it takes courage to find joy again when part of your heart feels missing.
But dear one—peace is still possible.
God’s peace doesn’t depend on perfect outcomes.
It meets you in the middle.
Right here. Right now.
And it will carry you through.
For more on this topic, see my brief video about letting go:
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