Big Brother

Big Brother October 16, 2015

In the 1946 classic film “It’s a Wonderful Life,” Angel Second Class Clarence Oddbody is assigned as George Bailey’s guardian angel. It’s a challenging assignment; George has been driven to the brink of suicide by a series of unfortunate choices and circumstances. George and ClarenceMore than George’s life rides on Clarence’s success since Clarence, who has been a wingless angel for over a century, is guaranteed by his managing angel Joseph that if Clarence turns George around, he will finally earn his wings. Clarence has a childlike honesty and is completely up front with George about both his identity and his mission from the start—and George isn’t buying any of it. “Well, you look like about the kind of angel I’d get,” George comments. “Sort of a fallen angel, aren’t you? What happened to your wings?”

I was reminded of this scene from everyone’s favorite Christmas movie the other morning as my Facebook feed greeted me with the opportunity to find out who among my 627 Facebook acquaintances is my guardian angel. I have taken far fewer of these sort of Facebook quizzes and games over the past several months than I used to, but this one was of interest. I particularly wanted to know who my guardian angel is so I could find out where the fuck she or he was when I tipped over on my bike and broke my ankle ten days ago.

guardian angel

Upon seeing the result I thought “That makes perfect sense. My brother is exactly the kind of angel I would get, and I’m not surprised he didn’t notice I needed help. I’m totally screwed. Fallen angel, no wings.” But today is his birthday, so a few observations are in order.

It’s a good thing we connect frequently on Facebook, because my brother and I rarely see each other. vaughn and lavonaVaughn and his wife LaVona live a busy life in Wyoming where he is a doctor while Jeanne and I are equally well established 2500 miles away in Rhode Island. My son and daughter-in-law spent a week this summer with their aunt and uncle in Wyoming; if memory serves correctly, it was the first time my daughter-in-law ever met them. She remarked afterwards that my brother, my son, and I are so similar in our mannerisms—the way we walk, talk, cross our legs, our senses of humor—that it is “freaky.” Vaughn and I were best friends during the early years of my life, more of necessity than choice, since for the first eleven years of my life and fourteen years of his we lived in rural Vermont, far removed from relatives and even school friends. If we didn’t want to be alone, we had to get along. I particularly remember an early turning point in our relationship.

As she usually did on a Saturday morning, 11898831_1011331812232317_5409885431890534606_nmy mother sent my brother and I outside shortly after breakfast and said “See you at 5:00 for supper.” So she was surprised to see me coming through the front door about a half hour later. “What are you doing here?” she asked. I answered that my brother had told me to go upstairs to get something needed for the game we were playing that he had forgotten in his bedroom. “You go tell your brother to come in here and get it himself!” she told me. “You don’t have to do what Vaughn tells you to do!” “I DON’T?” I replied—this was news to me. Up until that point I had assumed my older brother had the authority of a third parent. That Saturday morning was a turning point in my life—I didn’t have to do what my brother commanded any longer.

Just as a good Baptist kid should, I used stories from the Bible as touchstones during my growing up years. As the younger of two sons, jacob and esauI identified with Jacob’s preference for his mother and for hanging around the house rather than going out hunting and killing things, something Vaughn did with my Dad. Jacob’s ability to regularly outsmart and manipulate his doofus older brother Esau rang true, because I was sure I could get my equally challenged doofus older brother to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I was sure that if Baptist fathers gave special and exclusive blessings to oldest sons, I could get Vaughn to hand over his blessing in exchange for a can of soup.

In reality, it wasn’t like that. My brother and I are the first two people on either side of our family to earn a four-year college degree, let alone an advanced degree. I remember no time when it was not clear to both Vaughn and me that we were going to college; this, of course, put the grade pressure on from the beginning. Both of us earned mostly A’s, but my impression was that Vaughn got his without breaking a sweat, while I had to work hard for mine beginning with my Freshman year in high school. This served me well as I headed to college, as my work ethic was already established; my impression was that my brother didn’t enter the world of having to work hard at school until college.brother

I sometimes wonder how it is possible that the two of us are even distantly related. He loves rural Wyoming, while I prefer urban settings and would go insane with boredom living in the sticks. He prefers vodka martinis, which taste like lighter fluid to me, while he cannot abide the intense single malt scotches that I have come to love. He once pronounced on Facebook that Samuel Adams Boston Lager is as dark as he will go. I replied that Boston Lager is as light as I will go. Even though he dresses like an aging cowboy for work, he made critical remarks about corduroy jackets in another Facebook pronouncement–I had to point out that such jackets are the sine qua non of male attire in my profession (I own five of them). He loves hockey but can take or leave college basketball, apparently unaware that the greatest two weeks of sport each year is March Madness.

Today is my brother’s birthday—Happy 63rd, Big Brother! You’re my favorite sibling! Of course you are my only sibling, but you’d probably be my favorite even if there were more. If I was to construct an imaginary brother, he would be just like you but with much better taste in adult beverages. Even though we don’t see each other very often, it’s a comfort knowing where my closest match for organ transplants lives. Mom and Mad Eagle are smiling on you today—have a good one!Trudy and Bruce June 1982


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  • Gail

    Lovely story!

  • Christine Colwell

    Thanks so much for sharing your musings in print here on your blog, Vance. Having known your father and mother at BINE while I was there 1968-1971, and remembering you and Vaughn from those days, this means a lot to me. I must echo your daughter-in-law’s sentiment that your resemblance to your father in so many facets is astounding. It is good to hear that you and Vaughn are passing that on to your children. As I read your blog, it resonates so often with my memories of your father’s level of intellectual restlessness and brilliance in seeking truth and meaning in life. He always “made me think and question the status-quo,” and that played a big part in attracting me from the coast of Maine to the little Bible Institute in the mountains.

    Incidently, at times I feel a bit haunted by the number of connections I have had recently with you and your family. I found your blog on Facebook within the last year, and then, in August (2015), Jim Jardine, an old friend of ours from Lyndonville, was pleased to unearth the fact that we knew your father, and he proceeded to introduce us to Lauren, Vaughn’s daughter, at the restaurant where she works for other old friends of ours in Lyndonville. My husband, Dave, and I had had her as a waitress several times while we lived and worked in the Lyndon area until 2011, but we had no idea that she was Vaughn’s daughter. It was fun to be able to greet her and tell her that we not only knew her father, but we also knew her grandparents and you.

    Dave pastored the Lyndon Center Baptist Church, next to LI’s football field, from 1983 to 2003, and during that time Evelyn and Don Erskine and Cheryl and her boys were our parishioners. That was ironic, because my first Practical Work assignment as a freshman from BINE in 1968 was to teach a Monday afternoon Bible Club at Evelyn Erskine’s house. We still keep in touch with them. Evelyn is now in an assisted living center in Craftsbury, VT, and Cheryl says that it is a lovely place and that Evelyn likes it there.

    Recently, we inherited my in-laws house in Windsor, NY (near Binghamton), and we moved here in early September. A few weeks after we arrived, we heard a missionary couple, David and Evelyn Stone, speak at our church here, and they told about their work in Peru. While making small-talk after the service, we discussed that my husband, Dave, is a retired pastor from norhteastern, VT, and that we both attended BINE. David Stone’s face lit up at the mention of BINE, and he said that he knew your parents because his father was a member of the Northeastern Gospel Crusade back in the 60’s and 70’s, and he pastored Baptist churches in East Wallingford, VT, (near Rutland) and in East Dixfield, Maine. When I mentioned that we had met Lauren, he asked me if she was your daughter or Vaughn’s, and he asked if we knew what you two are doing these days, so we filled him in with your locations and professions.

    Thanks again for this blog.

    Chris

  • Like my brother and myself, your brother and you, though different in the ways that you differ, are the same in the way that you love each other. I’m sending your column on to my beloved conservative Republican younger brother in California. Thanks!