Dropping the Kid Off at College

My son is going away to college in a month.  A whole 19 miles away.  Yup, he’s going to U of L right here in town but plans to live on campus.  Even though he’ll be nearby, my mind can’t help but think of things I want to say when we move him into the dorm and turn to leave.  It’s a big moment, even if it’s only 19 miles from his bedroom at home. I feel the need to say something wise and profound, something he will remember that will guide his decision-making.  Play along with me and pretend that anything I say could have that kind of power.

The mantra I have used with my son for years is, “Make good choices.”  It’s practical but not exactly the Mr. Miyagi-to-Karate-Kid kind of poetic guidance I’d prefer.  My other frequent attempt at pithy wisdom is simply saying “peace and love” when I walk past him playing violent video games.  Thus far, it’s had zero effect on his choices, and I secretly dislike that it’s not a complete sentence.  Perhaps a verb might make it more compelling?  No, the college drop-off, such as it is, deserves more than the anemic advice grenades I usually toss.  I’ve become especially fond of something St. Francis DeSales said:  “Be who you are and be that well.”  I might go with that. Bonus . . . it has a verb.

Marching Orders

This week’s gospel reading is all about Jesus’ own dropping-the-kid-off-at-college speech.  He sends his disciples off in pairs to share the good news far and wide with marching orders about how to behave.  What’s striking for me in this passage is what he does NOT say.  He does NOT tell them to:

• Attend religious services regularly
• Pray a certain number of minutes or hours each day
• Tithe no less than a certain amount
• Marry only a certain type of person
• Understand the Bible a certain way
• Vote only for certain candidates or only one way on certain issues
• Create rules for people to follow and judge those who don’t follow them

If Jesus wasn’t concerned about those things, why are we?  I’m far more interested in what he DID tell his disciples to do.

Tip #1

“He instructed them to take nothing for the journey but a walking stick—no food, no sack, no money in their belts…wear sandals but not a second tunic” (Mark 6: 8-9).  Right from the get-go, I recoil this guidance.  I’m the kind of person who smuggles snacks into the movie theater because paying for the overpriced soft drinks and popcorn would require financing.  I take more than I plan to eat to work for lunch in case I might choose to work late and get hungry.  And if I attend an off-site meeting or conference, I wouldn’t dare arrive snack-less or without a small hand-held fan.  Nor would I be caught dead without wet wipes and tissues. What if lunch is delayed?  What if the AC is broken?   What if my hands get sticky and my nose runs? In many ways, I live my life 180 degrees from Jesus’ advice in this gospel passage. 

However, I think there’s more to Jesus’ message than some obscure advice about how to pack for the trip.  To me, Jesus seems to be saying, “Don’t waste time on a fallback plan,” or maybe, “Don’t hedge your bets.”  Instead, he seems to be saying, “Dive in head-first!  Bet everything you have on this path forward because it’s the only winning ticket!”  I think it’s his way of saying, “Go all-in!” Based on what I know of Jesus from the gospels, this interpretation makes perfect sense.  Jesus is an all-in kind of guy, so I hear this message as one that calls me to the same kind of commitment.  And score, there are no prohibitions to emergency peanut M&Ms.  Win-win.

Tip #2

“Wherever you enter a house, stay there until you leave.  Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave there and shake the dust off your feet in testimony against them” (10-11).  At first glance, Jesus seems to be giving advice about lodging, but his travel tips aren’t what you’d find in a Fodor’s guide or at Expedia.com.  I think he’s telling his disciples not to get worked up about who welcomes the “good news” they share and who doesn’t.  He’s letting them know that it isn’t a competition, and no one’s keeping score.  I hear him saying, “If someone turns you away, so be it.  Just go find someone who won’t.  Don’t dilute the message, and don’t question your role as messenger.” Again, this kind of “just move on” message calls me to do the same.

I’d say that’s a pretty good dropping-the-kid-off-at-college speech.  Go all-in!  And don’t change what you’re all about if others don’t get you. What’s more, it applies to loads more of us than just the kids going off to college.  It’s good advice for everyone traveling life’s journey.  “Be who you are and be that well.”    And it’s okay to bring peanut M&Ms.