Translation of a Recently Discovered Fragment

The controversy over the so-called “Bethany gospel” is not going away anytime soon. I decided on a bet with my cousin Indy that I could make a translation of it quicker than him. Here is my offering

My Translation

[He] arrived just before the Passover. The spectacle was embarrassing. I thought about how far we had fallen.

There was a time when we Jews had some dignity about us. When Alexander of Macedonia rode into Jerusalem. The crowds cheered him too. Alexander respected our ways. He was guided by the High Priest to make a proper sacrifice to Adonai. It was very inappropriate. But there are times we must make allowances [When] being ruled by gentile Kings. Alexander [intended?] to bring Greek civilization to the world. It did not mean we had to submit to it. Unfortunately, King Antiochus, the mad man, thought [we] should. His memory [is cursed. While that of] Alexander is blessed.

The Objection Identified

The carpenter from Nazareth made a mockery of everything. The procession began when he rode toward the city. His followers coaxed the crowd into proclaiming Yeshua as King. But what sort of King was he?

Yeshua was… He was the King of tax collectors, Samaritans, and prostitutes. These people who did not follow the way of Moses were his subjects. Blind beggars and cripples claimed healing and forgiveness through him. Most of them were likely faking their infirmity to keep from honest toil under the sun.

The King of tramps rode an ass into the Holy City. The crowd threw the clothes off their backs in front of him. It did not keep him from letting the donkey destroy what little clothes they had. “Blessed are the poor,” indeed. It is fine to talk about helping the poor. But actions are important.

His disciples placed a curse upon the crowds with by goading them into chanting an altered Hallel. “Blessed is the one who comes in the name of Adonai.” But they changed the “one” into King. The true Messiah will not allow these things to happen in his name. May he come soon…just not too soon.

The worst came from the blasphemer’s own mouth. Young Samuel was so disturbed by what was happening that, against all proper behavior, he shouted, “Tell them to stop!”

Yeshua replied, “If they don’t, the stones will cry out!”

The Conclusion

The man is no true prophet. He misused the blessed prophet Habakkuk who said these words for the witness made by an evil man’s own house. The crowd laughed and continued to the city.

I placed my hand on Samuel’s shoulder. “Do not be disheartened,” I said. The crowd is accursed and easily befuddled. They do not know the tradition of Moses. You will see how easily they can be turned and turned back throughout your life. By Passover, they will have forgotten him and possibly curse him if they remember him.”

“I am sure you are correct, Rabbi.” Samuel replied.

I was gratified to hear my student affirm my words. But why did he keep staring at the stones?

A Controversial Translation

I know my translation itself is controversial. How common was satire in second century Jewish literature? This is the only one found so far. But satire was well known in Greek and Roman literature for hundreds of years prior to the dating of this document.  Unfortunately scholars, like certain archaeologists I could name, lack a sense of humor.