A friend died from a heartbreaking addiction. I mean that literally. When I first heard about his death, I was told his heart was the issue. He had so many years of sobriety that I did not think beyond that. Of course, I knew other people who abused alcohol who died with a booze related heart attack. But no, not this person. Him relapse? Unthinkable. This person who worked hard to help others including me get sober? No way. And yet, it happened. His heart broke down while mine broke.
Heartbreaking Thoughts
The timing could not be more poignant. I am making corrections for the typesetter of recovery memoir, The Sun Still Shines. It is difficult to get across to people who do not know. Every alcoholic and addict in recovery knows that we could relapse and be dead soon. It seems so obvious that all we have to do is not drink or use our drug of choice. Please, it is not like that never occurred to us. We all know better. And the cemeteries have many others of us who did.
Isolation, disconnection, and feelings of abandonment are major problems for most of us. The recent splintering in my Annual Conference has almost put me over the edge. Seeing people who encouraged me as brothers and sisters to keep living walk away from us has hurt deeply. But my friend’s death by relapse has shocked me away from the abyss. How long? I can not tell you. There is no way of knowing. All that anyone can do is to walk along a spiritual path.
Thoughts To Mend The Heart
Paul treated himself harshly. “So I do not run aimlessly, nor do I box as though beating the air; but I punish my body and enslave it, so that after proclaiming to others I myself should not be disqualified.” (1 Corinthians 9:26-27) I do not know why he felt the need to do that. My guess is that he knew what dark thoughts can plague the minds of people who try to live by spiritual principles. It is not easy to be a spiritual guide, mentor, or leader. Paul, I believe, needed like all of us to get out of his head. He speaks of working with his own hands which helps many of us to change focus and thoughts.
There is no guarantee that manual labor alone will help. I often find my mind going in circles while mowing the lawn or folding laundry. James offers some help. “Are any among you suffering? They should pray. Are any cheerful? They should sing songs of praise.” (5:13) This can help when moving limbs and muscles do not change the mind. I find it easier to do these things after I have moved or worked a bit.
Heartbreaking Circumstances
Personal actions do not change all circumstances. The serenity prayer speaks of action and knowledge. But it is really about wisdom which guides action or knowledge. What can be changed? Will it take my effort alone? What cannot be changed? Am I refusing to see alternatives? My questions can only be answered with wisdom. And wisdom can only be attained with a clear head and a purified heart.
This is the reason people should work together for mutual benefit. It requires more than just deciding “I will.” It requires us to decide “we will.”
There is an old preacher’s story about a fellow who stopped coming to worship. The minister visited the man at his home. While sitting beside a very warm fire, the minister did not say anything. She took the tongs and pulled out a live burning ember and set it on the hearth. It quickly cooled and the fire left it. She then took the tongs and placed the ember back into the fire where it began to glow. The minister said nothing and left. The fellow was back in church the next Sunday. Message received.
One life is meant to benefit all others. One life lost breaks the hearts of the others.
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