Addicts, Recovery, And The Holidays

Early in recovery, addicts and alcoholics find the holidays very difficult.

While in active addiction, people navigate through a strait of crashing currents and are relieved to be on the other side of the calendar. While in early recovery the same people are now looking for a passage through the holidays. We think it should be easier, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

The Recovery Assumption

Families, friends, and people in recovery suffer from bad assumptions about what life out of addiction should be. It is commonly believed that addicted people will return to being who they were before they fell into addiction. As the saying goes, “That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.” The people they were became addicts. The person is now an addict who is neither drinking nor using. An old recovery observation holds that expecting someone to become who they once were is like expecting a pickle to turn back into a cucumber. It does not work that way with any life-threatening disease or accident. The loved one is only a fraction of who they once were.

Recovery from the Dead

The gospels and the book of Acts tell stories of miraculous healings. The widow of Nain receives her son who was dead alive again. Only a few of us ask, “Was he the same as before he died?” Lazarus is raised from the dead. Could anyone experiencing what he has been through be the same person again? I doubt it. The change that comes over the prodigal son is compared to a person who was dead and is alive again. There is no way he is the same person. Only one person in the story experienced no personal growth. He only harbored resentment. He does not learn who his brother has become.

Here is another problem for the addict in early recovery. Almost everyone else has some sort of resentment against the person. And let’s tell the truth. The addict likely earned their resentment. There also seems to be someone who wants them to pretend all is forgiven when it is not. It makes us ask if the father in the parable of the prodigal son mishandles the situation.

A New Person

All addicts fear what will happen to them. Becoming normal again may be the first goal, but there is something better. The day comes when the person begins viewing life differently. It is easy to dismiss the person’s new-found insights because they are outside the experience of the family. One should never dismiss an insight which may be commonplace for one’s self in another person. The discovery is the beginning of being a reborn individual – becoming a healed person. The healing process cannot be rushed. While we look for a miracle to happen, we cannot make it happen. Everyone involved must pray patiently for the healing to come.

What to Do

Those who love people in recovery should encourage their loved ones. People often ask me if it is okay to drink alcohol in front of me (It is). People in early recovery develop strategies to avoid drinking or using. Their loved ones should accept those strategies whatever they are. Does the person in recovery need to leave a party early? Will they be late because they go to a recovery meeting first? Live with it. Accept the idea that one drink is too much for recovering people. Be a blessing to them.