4 Truths About Every Godly Feminine Modesty Pusher

4 Truths About Every Godly Feminine Modesty Pusher January 31, 2019

Being a voracious reader and a glutton for self-punishment, I’ve forced myself to get through far too many articles and blog posts about feminine modesty in my day. It’s like the circus sideshow, you know? Modesty pushers are sort of like the rare exhibits I just can’t seem to look away from. I shake my head so much that by the end of each damned post, I have given myself whiplash. Then, I just go and do it again like I’m the submissive and the dom in some twisted relationship with myself. I force myself to gulp down these bits of writing defending modesty because I just can’t seem to grasp how fully-grown adults cannot see the absurdity in what they say. Like, if I keep reading them, maybe one day I will understand. But alas, there are only four things to be learned from people who write such posts. Four things, total:

1. It says that you think you’re irresistible. You’re convinced that if you show a hint of the Bobbsey twins, it’ll send the men in close proximity into a sweaty, all-consuming whirlpool of desire that will end in blistered palms, divorce papers and a spike in Kleenex stock. Your daisy dukes will cause a lotion shortage for a 100 mile radius and your thigh-highs are gonna triple the number of road accidents every single time you’re out in public. You think you’re so dang hot that men will be aborting their baby batter for hundreds of years over the mere mention of your name. According to Single Young Christian Mom, it’s not just men, either:

I feel the desire to wear the sexiest outfit in the room so that I know beyond a doubt that Ethan’s eyes will only be on me and he won’t have to make the conscious effort to turn away.  But this is a selfish desire of mine.  This is a desire I have to keep fighting, because while, yes, Ethan’s eyes will be locked on me, so will the eyes of others.  Men, women, boys, girls, young women, young men…

Literally everyone will be falling over themselves for a look at your real estate, is that right? Move over Jennifer Lawrence, because they’ll be calling it The Fappening II: The Second Coming. Data caps will be met and destroyed as everyone near you scrambles to upload photos of this Jesus-lovin’ mama in “the sexiest outfit in the room”.

Right, sugar. Sure thing.

Creative Commons – Giphy.com

 

2. It says that you have absolutely no respect for or faith in the men in your life. You think these men are so useless and unrestrained that just a flash of knee will turn them into criminally deviant sex offenders. You’re sure they lack self-control so severely, that it is fully up to you to make sure they behave. You’re positive if they didn’t have you to take care of them, they’d behave like a feral chihuahua at a pork rind convention… just ravenously consuming everything in view.

Boy, oh, boy, are these men lucky to have someone who thinks so highly of them in their lives.

Despite what you think of them, men can and do control themselves. Whether or not they react outwardly to a glimpse of Boob Canyon is entirely up to them. Trust them to be respectful. Most of them are, and if someone dares admire your Twin Peaks, it’s not the worst thing in the world. One day, they’re going to be hanging down around your knees and you might find yourself missing the old days when your perky pillows made any man’s Chairman Mao stand at attention.

3. It says that you are uncomfortable with human sexuality. You’re terrified of being turned on by a man’s magic wand and bag of tricks. You’ve been told over and over that sex is dirty, lust is sin, and the Jeeboner, blessed be his horny soul, is always watching. You’re afraid to paddle your pink canoe, lest God sees your eyes roll into the back of your head in pure ecstasy. One glimpse of a bean flick, and the big guy might send you to the lake of fire with all the other skittle diddlers, amirite? Boobs and vaginas and penises, oh, my!

Creative Commons – Giphy.com

 

4. You’re a liar. When you write your righteous blog posts about the devil-borne evils of bikinis and why you won’t wear leggings anymore, we see right through it. Do you know how we see through it, Lil Miss Perky Pillows? Because if you were serious about not wanting to be attractive, you’d wear potato sacks and not apply make-up, ever. You’d stop washing and gain weight. Maybe you’d fart and burp in front of every man you meet, or eat like a slob with a trail of food down the front of your shirt every day. Lustful thoughts aren’t going to disappear because you stopped wearing low-cut tops. It really doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. Women get hit on bundled up on the slopes just as often as they do in the gym.

My advice is to wear what you want. Explore your sexuality and be happy with your body. You know, the body you believe God both designed and gave you. If a man can’t control himself around you, that’s on him, not you.

Women are beautiful. Celebrate that. Enjoy it. Take pride in the fact that you are, in no uncertain terms, a work of evolutionary art that beat incredible odds into existence and will go back to star dust before you know it. Seize the flipping day, carpe the freaking diem and just be happy in your own skin before you run out of time to do so.

"Provide evidence, you distasteful urchin."

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Jim Jones

    > You’d stop washing and gain weight. Maybe you’d fart and burp in front of every man you meet, or eat like a slob with a trail of food down the front of your shirt every day.

    It takes WAY more than that to discourage all men!

  • persephone

    Thank you. I’ve rolled my eyes so many times over these “I’m so modest” posts that I’m having trouble keeping my eyes focused.

  • Polytropos

    I’d add a fifth item to the list: it tells us their idea of women’s role is so restrictive they can’t think of any better way to get attention. They want to be noticed, and in a religion that treats women as livestock the only way for a woman to be noticed is through her desirability as a marriage prospect. But a respectable fundie woman can’t put the goods on display – that would demonstrate sexual agency – so she turns the concept on its head and highlights her “purity”.

  • wolfypuppy

    Everyone is responsible for their own behavior. If guard dogs can be trained not to eat a steak until their handler gives them permission, then men can be “trained” to understand consent. “Modesty” is just an excuse for rape culture.

  • wolfypuppy

    Bodies are useful for so much more than reproduction. Women wear workout clothes to … well, work out. Do yard work. Etc. Religious conservatives see women as just sitting around waiting for sperm.

  • HairyEyedWordBombThrower
  • HairyEyedWordBombThrower

    Sadly, for some…

    🙁

  • wolfypuppy

    LOL! Exactly! Religious conservatives underestimate men so much, it would be insulting if it weren’t for their being able to use it to get away with bad behavior.

  • So, just out of curiosity (to the OP or anyone else reading). If someone found a married person attractive and wondered what it would be like to have sex with them or thought it would be exciting to have sex with them. Are they a bad person?

  • Berlzebub

    Nope.

  • Percontation Points

    I’m a woman, but from time to time, I scream at the men who hit on me online “I have a penis!” and it does not discourage them at all. :/

  • Cryny

    You should start telling them that you have several penises.

  • Percontation Points

    I am Edward Penis-Fingers. There’s nothing but Ken-Doll down below, but I have penises for fingers.

  • Connie Beane

    Which one, you or the object of your desire?

  • I am almost 50 and i still get catcalled by men – usually when i am out running and wearing long pants and a jacket. Some men will catcall anything they perceive as female. I got catcalled when i was 6 months pregnant and wearing a gigantic tshirt. Modesty doesn’t deter catcalled, and I am not all that.

  • Carol Lynn

    Contrary to popular opinion, there are no thought police. Think away. Fantasize about that person while you are screwing your own partner. No one will know. Now if you actually hit on that person uninvited and won’t take no for an answer, then you’ve got problems and yes, that might make you a ‘bad person’.

  • Allen T Coffey

    I totally agree. I’m sick and tired of these people who are essentially victim blaming and victimizing women with their obsession over making everyone else feel as guilty as they do for being human.

    Thanks for writing this.

  • MatthewTanner

    You can wear anything you want and I can think whatever I like about you.

  • Oh, I was meaning the one doing the fantasizing.

  • Yeah, I’ve always been single so I wouldn’t know how it would feel to struggle with that while being in a relationship.
    And unfortunately in some circles it can certainly seem like some people want to be thought police. There are parts of the Bible that can seem to encourage that and in my own family we had some holier-than-thou Christian thought police. (At least it certainly felt like they came across that way)

  • Connie Beane

    Well, Jimmy Carter once famously confessed to having “lusted in his heart” (Playboy Magazine interview, November 1976), but his standards of morality have always been considered pretty rigorous–unlike those of the Current Occupant. Most moralists, religious or otherwise, generally consider fantasizing to be a “victimless” crime, as long as you keep it in your own head. LOL

  • Cozmo the Magician

    To be honest, EVERY TIME that ‘I’ wear a bikini, EVERYBODY stares.. Men, women, boys, girls, dogs. gerbils, even jellyfish O_o

  • haha, yeah. I imagine a lot of people would stare at me too if I wore a bikini. But probably not because I look good in one.

  • Zeropoint

    Regarding point number 2, you have to wonder if these people remember that strip clubs exist. That’s right, attractive young women getting completely nude, and yet the men manage to keep their hands to themselves. A low-cut top isn’t going to cause a man to do anything wrong unless he’s already got severe problems.

  • Freethinker

    You should tell them you have a massive, horse sized penis. That should do the trick.

  • Kathleen Margaret Schwab

    I got sexually harassed by my boss when I was 7 months pregnant. All I could think was ‘Really? I’m ballooned up with another dude’s baby, and that turns you on?”

  • Yeah, same when I was pregnant! I dunno, some people are weird.

  • Kathleen Margaret Schwab

    I wondered if it gave him some kind of deniability. He belonged to my church, he had three kids himself, who would believe he would do that?

  • Kathleen Margaret Schwab

    Amazing how people manage to follow the rules when they have to.

  • ugh, so slimy!