If You Don’t Believe In God, Why Have You Devoted Your Life To Mocking Him?

If You Don’t Believe In God, Why Have You Devoted Your Life To Mocking Him? August 26, 2019

You know, there is not a day that goes by on Instagram that I don’t get asked one specific question multiple times by crowds of deficiently deducing dicks. In fact, I didn’t have one particular Poirot in mind to respond to when beginning this post – instead, I scrolled through my recent comments and it took me less than a minute to find the latest addition to the ever-flowing stream of this precise question:


In this one idiotic question, there lies a mountain of problems so vast, it makes the Fyre Festival look like a NASA mission. It’s been phrased a million ways:

“If you don’t believe in God, why do you spend your life mocking him?”

“If you’re so sure God doesn’t exist, why do you devote your life to hating him?”

And on and on and on, until my eyes cross from the sheer, unbridled what-the-effery.

I see what they’re getting at, these detectives for the almighty. I mean, don’t think I don’t see their flawed logic. I do. I see that this is a gotcha for them. They think everyone, on some level, must believe in a god and the fact that I hate on him day in and day out is a clear clue that I acknowledge his existence. I see this. But Jesus

Via Giphy

Class, stop me if you see the problems here.

First, the phrase, “spend your life” or “devote your life” gives me kidney cramps because their comment is, more often than not, posted on Instagram. Likely, the troll has not bothered to visit my blog. He’s probably never spoken to me before; never emailed me to ask for clarification. No, he saw one post that upset his Christian sensibilities, skimmed the rest of my profile for a few seconds and decided – with the power of Jeeby vested in him – that this must be my entire life.


My entire life.

I don’t know about you heretics, but when I post something on Instagram, it takes me but moments. A minute tops. I post about 4-5 posts per day on Instagram. What Sherlock Trollmes is basically saying, is that those 4-5 minutes of my day is sufficient to determine what my entire life looks like. Not presumptuous at all, right? Of course, there’s also the possibility that to my Hardy-Boy-du-jour, Instagram is life and so, therefore, it must be for the rest of us. But no, half an hour is the most I ever spend on Instagram on any given day, much to the chagrin of all the Remington Steeles asking me this question in the comments.

But what about your blog, GM? What about Twitter and Facebook? Don’t those take up more time? 

Sure do, Horatio. But if you could go back through my blog catalogue and find all the posts in which I “mock god”, the percentage of total posts would be maybe 2%. The trolls throwing around this question conveniently overlook the “mom” part of my name. All they see is “godless”.

The life and posts my trolls refuse to acknowledge consist of kids and puppies and kittens and husbands and work and cleaning and laundry, so much laundry. Cooking, baseball, cubs, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, vet appointments, bank appointments, road trips to Alberta, watching Mindhunter with my hairier half, starting bonfires on the beach with which to make s’mores… That is my life. That post that upset you about your fragile god? A blip… a mere blip on my day-to-day schedule.

So, as far as “devoting my life” to mocking god? Nah. I don’t even wish that was my life. I like writing about living a secular life more than anything. Your god just doesn’t register for much beyond the odd joke, friend.

Now that we’ve covered that, I’d like to take a minute to talk to you about King Joffrey. He was the vilest king to ever rule the Seven Kingdoms, I think we can all agree. But, don’t you think with a little red lipstick and longer hair, he could pass for Christina Aguilera circa the Genie in a Bottle era? You gotta rub me the right way… 

Oh, geez, look at me. I’ve mocked King Joffrey.

But wait, GM, surely you don’t think Joffrey is real?

That’s right, Columbo. Sit on that one and rotate for a little.

I do indeed mock your fragile god and I do it all while not believing in him. The same way I mock the idea that standing on your head cures cancer, my neighbour’s claims he travels the astral plane and that lady the other day who told me she made energy balls in her living room with her family to ensure she got the house she wanted.

I don’t believe in any of that BS, but 9/10 docs agree, it’s all an exceptional source of vitamin LMFAO.

via Giphy



But GM, most of your Instagram posts don’t mock god at all. 

You are correct, Kojack. In fact, the vast majority of my Instagram posts that mock anything at all, are mocking religion, blind faith and bigotry not god. The posts that are critical of something are critical of religious ideas, not your magic space-ruler. I poke holes in your stories, not God’s stories.

So, when the next Shaft asks me why I devote my life to mocking a god I don’t believe in I tell them:

  1. This is not my life. Believe it or not, I do feed my kids. How else would I plump them up for rib night?
  2. One can mock that which one does not believe in. Remember that time you yelled at the TV, “Tara, you goddamned idiot, look behind you!” when Rick Grimes was leading the gang through a pack of biters? Yeah, you do.
  3. I mock and criticize religion most of the time. Religion exists and is real and is not equivalent to your god.
  4. Stop and think about the “mom” part of my name. If I “devoted my life” to mocking your god, I’d have had my babies taken from me long ago.

So, heathens, why do you devote your life to mocking god if you’re so sure he’s not real, huh? Let me know in the comments.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • igotbanned999

    I once countered by asking ‘If you don’t believe that climate change is real, why do you spend so much time arguing against it?’

  • Raging Bee

    My answer to that question: “I’m not mocking God, I’m mocking you. YOU’RE NOT GOD, remember?”

  • nmgirl

    OOOHHH! I like that one. Got to remember.

  • Wisdom, Justice, Love

    The same people that tell us about witches, demons, demons realms, etc. wish to ask why challenge something you don’t believe in.

    They don’t believe it either, no matter how much they claim it. They’re upset about being asked to validate/verify/corroborate their claims. How dare you? /s

  • I don’t hate or mock God, I just don’t believe in any gods. Sometimes I make fun of religious people for their ridiculous beliefs though. I hate how some religious people try to force their religious ideas on the rest of us. I hope that’s clear!

  • Michael Neville

    Exactly. I don’t hate any gods. It would be silly to hate a figment of someone else’s imagination. I couldn’t care less about any gods. However certain members of various gods’ fan clubs are worthy of disdain and mockery. I particularly don’t like how some people use their god to excuse bigotry.

  • Scott Auden

    Same reason i’d hate “sparkly fairies’ if for my entire life, credulous rubes and disingenuous conmen were attacking innocent people, encouraging magical thinking, and enriching themselves all because of “sparkly fairies.” A better question is: if you’re so sure your magical spirit is real, why do you hate people who know “he” isn’t, and spend all your energy trying to stamp out “nonbelievers”? I know the earth isn’t flat. Because I know that’s true , I don’t waste time with fools who can’t see it. Shouldn’t it be the same with you? You know, if deep down you didn’t know it’s nonsense?

  • WallofSleep

    “If you’re so sure God doesn’t exist, why do you devote your life to hating him?”

    The truly depressing thing is that these are grown-a** adults who believe this is a grown up, super logical question.

  • SecMilChap

    Agreed. But I really do hate people who keep forcing their versions of allegedly “moral” behavior on dying cancer victims, pregnant women, abused children, and probably a dozen other categories of victims that suffer from what the god-believers think is appropriate for them to suffer.

  • Ann Kah

    I speak out against religion because it affects every facet of our lives, here in the still-religious backwater we call the USA. You can see it in our laws, you can see it in science denialists and those who would teach “creationism” and other inanities to public school children, you can see it on the calendar and you can see it in the courts and you can see it in city council meetings and school boards.

    I speak out about the problems religion causes us when it encourages hatred of “others”, whether they are other religions or other nationalities or other colors or other sexualities.

    I speak out against religion because (ironically, in the words of Martin Luther) “I can do no other”.

  • Clancy

    I don’t mock God. It would be impolite to: my wife, who has asked me to attend church with her; my daughter, the progressive pastor; the members of the handbell and chancel choirs, who I see during the week at practice. They know my position, and we leave each other alone. Instead, I come here to P/NR for a break, where I mock literalist Christians.

  • Anri

    So, multiple times a day, theists ask you why you bother with theism if it doesn’t effect you daily?

    I’ll take “Own Goal” for $1000, Alex.

  • Raging Bee

    Maybe it’s a form of “second childhood?”

  • Flint8ball

    Because…. “Religion poisons everything.” – Hitch
    If religion was just a belief that didn’t have such an adverse impact on the world, I wouldn’t care. If it didn’t inform a believer’s worldview, breed ignorance and desire to control others, I’d lay off it.

  • Jim Jones

    I don’t bother with social media but my normal comeback is “Define god”.

    Then I laugh as they struggle.

  • Jim Jones

    Or, “I’m trying to correct your errors. I am God, the creator of the universe and all things in it and YOU are mocking ME!”

  • Jim Jones

    Or, “Religion is evil and is never good”.

  • Jim Jones

    You answered your own question. Many theists use religion as a cover or cloak for their vile selves.

  • blogcom

    And the tired robotic response is how can we hate something that doesn’t exist? .
    Well how about hating the concept, or is this too much of an intellectual leap for most to grasp.


    I got better things to do than mocking God, like sleeping in bed on Sunday morning instead of going to church and reading a good book that stimulates me intellectually instead of reading a useless book called the Bible.

  • persephone

    It also scores them points with the others in their echo chamber.

  • persephone

    I tell them something similar: I wouldn’t care except that they’re trying to force people who are not members of their religion to adhere to their toxic beliefs through secular means.

  • Raging Bee

    Your robotic complaints about robotic responses are noted. And dismissed.