Here’s a situation many of us may be familiar with. We’re spending a relaxing evening at home, or maybe we’re taking a nice walk with the one we love. As far as we know, everything is just fine. And then all at once, with no warning at all, our partner says something that makes us feel like they just tossed a bomb at us.
Now that it’s too late, it’s obvious: we didn’t see any of the familiar signs that usually indicate a conflict is about to erupt. We weren’t aware that our partner was about to say something overtly cruel, or make some passive aggressive comment to remind us where we went wrong earlier that evening, or maybe even five years ago.
And then, on cue, from out of our own mouth comes pouring a host of tried and true things we tend to say in similar situations; words with edges to cut, some smooth enough to defuse the situation, others more forceful, and all designed to turn the tide of battle and push our partner back onto their heels.
Here’s Where the Healing Magic Starts
But suddenly, there’s a shift; something within us remembers that we’ve been where this fight is about to take us at least a hundred times, and there’s nothing new or good about getting there; just more of the same.
In that same revelation, in fact as a part of our remembrance of it, we now see what we couldn’t before: we’re about to wade into a “war” with our partner that can’t be won, regardless of which of us seems to come out on top! And so, given what this new level of higher awareness shows us as being true, there’s the only logical, and ultimately loving action left for us to do: we refuse the call to combat.
Instead of going ballistic, we go inwardly quiet.
But let us tread this new path carefully: we are not surrendering ourselves to the misguided will or whims of our partner. We’ve seen how that path leads only to resentment when, as it must happen, we can no longer bear the brunt of being in such an inequitable relationship. The real question before us, now that we can see the truth of our situation, is this: what difference does it really make which of us seems to be “steering” our canoe when we’re both headed for the falls!
The Action That Changes the Moment
One of us has to wake up and change course, even if our partner is unable, or even unwilling to see the wisdom of that choice in the moment. And that’s why we don’t engage as an “enemy” someone we loved only moments before.
Instead, we deliberately drop the false assumption that coercing our partner to pay for our pain can do anything other than increase their resentment that is growing between us.
Neither do we allow this bitterness to “think” for us. That means, not only do we detect and reject its conclusions as our own, but we also refuse to lend it use of our voice to speak its demands, without which there is no fight.
In short, we give ourselves up.
We surrender…but not to our partner.
Instead we take the one path that remains open to us, given what our new understanding about higher love has shown us to be true. Having seen that we remain powerless to drop our own unconscious demands and how – much in the same way – our partner is equally unable to do anything other than insist we make the “payment due” for their pain, we are left with no other option:
We agree to “die” to those parts of ourselves we can feel are trying to push us, in any way, to identify with and then enact their old solutions. Rather than uselessly suffer some well-worn pain that our lower nature usually blames on our partner, we choose to drop it, along with any familiar sense of ourselves that may be connected to it, as well.
In other words, we agree to voluntarily suffer the death of this false self that love has shown us knows not what it does to us, let alone what it does to those we want least to hurt.
Making this intention – and striving to enact it, as a life-long practice with our partner ¬– is doing our part in realizing unconditional love. In truth, it’s really the only thing that is in our power to do. Which brings us to this closing promise:
If we will do our part, love will do the rest; but we must put it to the test.
Welcome and embrace these new ideas. Turn them into new action. Let them prove love’s power to heal and perfect anyone who will dare to invite Love’s power to heal.