Political Theology American Style

Political Theology American Style October 5, 2017

How  to  practice  political  theology  American  style:

  • Preach love of enemies but never do it.
  • Advise forgiveness of enemies but never do it.
  • Avoid bible passages like Micha loving mercy.
  • Avoid bible passages like Jesus forbidding divorce.
  • Avoid bible passages like Christ exalting the poor.
  • Avoid bible passages like Paul veiling women.
  • Admire millionaire pastors living behind security gates.
  • Claim to be ‘non-denominational’ as if that’s not just another denomination.
  • Fight for religious freedom to remain inhumane to gays.
  • Agitate for religious liberties for some, not all.
  • Welcome prayer in public spaces unless directed to a ‘different’ God.
  • Recruit preachers as politicians.
  • Esteem bible passages like Moses hating gays.
  • Esteem bible passages like six-day creation.
  • Esteem bible passages like prudishness of Paul.
  • Esteem bible passages like Jews killing Jesus.
  • Idolize the bible as the fourth person of the Trinity.
  • Reject papal infallibility while believing you can never descend into theological error.
  • Preach Jesus but not Jesus’ actual teachings (‘throw a party, invite the poor’).
  • Warn of violence in Islam without knowing history of Christian violence.
  • Shiver with fear of political rivals while professing omnipotent God.
  • Trust God but not so much as to decline the aid of weaponry.
  • Espy the devil afoot in political rivals.
  • Allow the tail to wag the dog: let politics determine bible interpretation, not vice versa.
  • Elect a President who is the exact opposite of Jesus.
  • Brook no political disagreement.
  • Resist climate science as a demonic hoax.
  • Deem oil industry an angelic paragon of truth.
  • Reject scientific cosmology as absurd.
  • Brand mild mannered Charles Darwin as evil.
  • Pamper lawless godless Wall Street Titans.
  • Smile at questionable jokes from high-watt low-wit radio hosts.
  • Marvel that secular nations are the most civil in the world.
  • Confuse atheism with immorality.
  • Enfold conspiracy cranks in pious arms.
  • Hope for one party rule.
  • Hope for one party courts.


Featured image ‘Tidings’ by Daniel Oines via Flickr

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