Here are some gems from the recently published ‘New And Improved Evangelical Play Book’
Preach love of enemies but never do it.
Advise forgiveness of enemies but never do it.
Avoid bible passages like Micha loving mercy.
Avoid bible passages like Jesus forbidding divorce.
Avoid bible passages like Christ exalting the poor.
Avoid bible passages like Paul’s command to veil all Christian women.
Admire millionaire pastors living in gated communities.
Claim to be ‘non-denominational’ as if that’s not just another denomination (out of 30,000 other denominations).
Fight for religious freedom to remain inhumane to LGBTs.
Agitate for religious liberties for some but not all religions.
Welcome prayer in public spaces unless prayer is directed to a different God.
Esteem bible passages like Moses hating gays.
Esteem bible passages like six-day creation.
Esteem bible passages like anti-women quotes from Paul.
Esteem bible passages like Jews plotting the death of Jesus.
Idolize the bible as the fourth person of the Trinity.
Reject papal infallibility while believing your own preachers can never descend into theological error.
Preach Jesus but not Jesus’ actual teachings (‘throw a party and invite the poor and the lame because they won’t be able to repay you,’ Jesus said).
Warn of violence in Islam without knowing the longer history of Christian violence.
Recruit preachers as politicians.
Shiver with fear of political rivals while professing omnipotent God.
Trust God but not so much as to decline the aid of the army.
Trust God but not so much as to decline the aid of border guards.
Espy the devil in political rivals.
Allow the tail to wag the dog: Let politics determine bible interpretation, not vice versa.
Elect a President who is the exact opposite of Jesus.
Affix this bumper sticker to your expensive car: ‘Are You Morally Inept? God Can Use You In High Political Office’
Brook no political disagreement and consider compromise as weak.
Resist climate science as a demonic hoax.
Deem oil industry ‘scientists’ as paragons of truth.
Reject scientific cosmology as absurd.
Brand Charles Darwin, a man of delicate moral sense, as evil.
Pamper lawless godless Wall Street titans.
Smile at questionable jokes from high-watt-low-wit right-wing TV and radio hosts.
Marvel that the most secular nations (Scandanavia, Japan) are among the most civil in the world.
Deny that the most religious nations are among of the most un-civil and violent.
Confuse atheism with immorality and profess astonishment when atheists are the most moral people in the room.
Enfold conspiracy cranks in pious arms.
Hope for one party courts.
Hope for one party rule.
Featured image ‘Play Book’ by Thomas Hawk via Flickr