Biblical Fruitcakes
As we deck the halls with boughs of holly and turn our hearts to the festiveness of the Christmas season, one inescapable fact remains. This time of year always brings out the fruitcake fanatics. Did you know that fruitcakes actually date back to Biblical times? In fact, we may still be eating fruitcakes from Biblical times, as far as I know.
The Bible mentions raisin cakes as food for travelers and soldiers. (2 Sam 6:19) and other places. Isaiah 16:7 mentions raisin cakes as a delicacy. These cakes would be formed after the grapes had completely dried and, when coated, would be nearly imperishable. (Kind of like today.) Such cakes often were compounded with other fruits, dried apricots, figs, and dates and seasoned with salts or spices. (Hence, fruitcake.) Although frequently thought to be a food with certain fertility powers, possibly an aphrodisiac, there is only remote reference to this usage in the OT (Song of Solomon 2:5; Hos 3:1.)
Who Would Want the Gift of a Fruitcake?
I was reading a “Dear Abby” column recently about a woman who was worried about how to tell her new boss that she did not want to exchange Christmas gifts with him. Abby advised her not to be presumptuous and bring up the topic of gift exchanges but to be prepared with a small gift for the boss just in case he happened to gift her. Then, she suggested, of all things, a fruitcake!
Johnny Carson once said, “The worst Christmas gift is a fruitcake . . . There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other year after year.” Fruitcake is probably the most reviled food in the Christmas tradition. So, seriously, a fruitcake for someone you want to continue working for? Sure, the boss can always regift it, but only to someone he doesn’t like. Or he can use it as a doorstop or a paperweight. But does anyone ever eat it?
Does Anybody Really LIKE Fruitcake?
Personally, I can’t think of anything less appetizing than the dry, heavy as a rock, pock-marked, bursting with glow-in-the-dark red and green glace’ cherries (are they even real fruit?) fruitcake. Can fruitcake even be classified as a cake? And who wants to eat something that can be preserved for over two hundred (or thousand) years without going bad? Then again, how would one know if it went bad? Somehow, this brings to mind the preserved mummies in Egypt, not a pleasant association. Speaking of which, Some historians claim that fruit cakes have existed since Ancient Egypt, where people would leave them inside the tombs of the departed. The most popular theory for this unusual practice is that the cakes served as sustenance for the afterlife.
Of course, there are always a few people who defend fruitcakes and tell the rest of us who know better that the mass-produced fruitcakes sold during the holidays are not what a real fruitcake is supposed to be. Said people would try to make us believe there really is such a thing as a “tasty” fruitcake. To that end, they insist we sample “their” homemade fruitcake, which they assure us is delicious. Yeah, I’ve been fooled too often into tasting fruitcakes, which are touted to be good. It’s difficult not to be rude when someone is standing over me, expectantly, waiting for me to declare that, by golly, there is such a thing as a yummy fruitcake and thank you for bringing it to my attention with this dry, nasty, too sweet, weirdly spicy bite of yuck I’m trying to choke down with a smile. And, in all honesty, why should I care about being converted into a fruitcake lover when there is a veritable cornucopia of delectable Christmas baked goods available this time of year? Too many
goodies, too little stomach. As it is, I must pick and choose among delicious homemade cookies, fudge, candy, and real, honest-to-goodness cakes. And as long as I’m feeling guilty about consuming excess calories and sugar, I at least want the guilty pleasure of, “But it was so worth it!”
Now, just in case someone is reading this story and feels the need to prove I am wrong about fruitcake, please keep your “special” fruitcake for yourself. I’ll take your word for it if I don’t have to taste it. Meanwhile, pass the fudge.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In