God, How Do I Identify What You Truly Desire?

The joy of a dog’s snore
williams/Williams

I have a list….

My desires to want stuff has dramatically faded. But when I look at my list over the years, I didn’t really want the stuff other people might have asked for. Like, I never wanted a Lamborghini. I sat in one once and I might as well have been sitting on the road it was so low. I rode in a friend’s Corvette once going to happy hour after work. We never got out of second gear.

I look at big houses on the hills around me. Like big houses. There was a hint I might like that then I thought how far is the kitchen from my bedroom or patio or where ever I was at and how much trouble it would be to go—from where I was, to the kitchen to make a sandwich. Or, what if I need milk? In Metro Phoenix, there is a town called Paradise Valley. It’s where those big houses are, some glued to the vertical face of a mountain. When you search their ownership on the county website, they all come back to an LLC out of Delaware. How do I know? A friend told me. Don’t worry about it.

There were jobs I really wanted.

There were jobs I really wanted. I wanted to be a naval aviator like my dad, and even got selected to go to Pensacola. I did and promptly failed the eye test. That was one of God’s hard no’s. At the age I am now, I have realized there isn’t a lot of things I want.

God has given me everything I have needed, but not everything I wanted. I think is a perfect example and proof of who He is.

He has denied most of them.

Even the ‘good’ things, He has denied most of them. A few, like I said, with a hard no. A ‘hard no’ is a no with an exclamation point on the end. A metaphor just for me He definitely wants me to hear.

There are spiritual gifts Abba gives his children, in Romans, Corinthians, and Ephesians, 1 Corinthians 12 NIV – Concerning Spiritual Gifts – Now about – Bible Gateway

Go ahead and find yours, if you believe in the God and the Father and Jesus who took our place on the tree. You have a gift. At least one. If you were setting up a church or some big thing God wants you to do, you might have several.

I can make dead people walk!

I have one-encouragement, I think. There might have more, but I know have the gift of encouragement. I like to say, sometimes, I can make dead people walk! Not really, but when it works and I am using it, I can see in their faces a spine almost growing back into place. Especially people who have been so badly wounded or berated or demeaned for a chunk in their life, they usually are looking down at the table or sideways and when I finish speaking like I’m friggin Abraham Lincoln, they look at me like I’m, well, Abraham Figgin Lincoln.

I have determined, I like where I am at, thank you very much, like my bed-I like my house and my truck. Going for walks, maybe a little bit of traveling which I barely do now. I like going out for lunch or breakfast or dinner sometimes and reading quietly. Finding I like simple things and that is okay. I don’t want to have to walk from one end of house to another to get a glass of milk only to find I’m out of milk.

I have wanted some pretty incredible stuff and have done a lot of the What if’s about things. Like What if I got this wish?

What if I got the lottery when it was over $1 billion dollars? You bet I would feed the hungry I would say! You bet I would build a place for the homeless to live, hell, I would cure homelessness in my home town!

I will need a large car.

So, of course, I would need a large car, like a Suburban to drive food boxes around, right?

I would need to go to places, take some friends, have dinner, and ‘talk’ about how to do things better. I would probably miss church sometimes on Sunday because the meetings with people talking about how we can do things better would go long and I would be too tired. You know, my older brothers are getting, well, older so I would need a house where I might have to put them up, even though they have places and family of their own. A casita at the house would be great for a live-in nurse-should I need them.

I need someone to handle the finances like an accountant, an expensive one.

I need someone to keep up the house with the casita up to par, finding I don’t have the time for such things.

That young lady I talked to about spiritual gifts is nice. She, I am sure, knows I am three times her age.

And Satan Smiles.

And Satan smiles.

Any time Satan can get between me and God, interrupting our togetherness in the Holy Spirit, that bastard counts it as a win. We begin to feel bad, guilty of lack of faith, lack of ability, lack of anything.

And yet, Abba loves us just the way we are. The battle is won with Jesus on the cross. I need nothing more than to believe that. Nothing I do, can do, will do, needs to be added. That action is sufficient.

I am sufficient.

Now, go and enjoy the ride.