Three Proven Ways To Increase Empathy

Empathy can be described as the ability to expand consciousness and put oneself in other people’s shoes, seeing things from their perspective and even experiencing them on a similar emotional and mental level without getting caught up in the drama. Empathy is the hallmark of a loving, heartfelt and ethical interspiritual seeker.

Conscious Practice

Empathy needs to be consciously practiced in order to become a primary mode of interacting with the world. It’s easy to misunderstand, judge, predetermine and be intolerant. Empathy requires us to use our cognitive abilities and project consciousness outward to take in new perspectives.

The Bigger Picture

An old Indian story about blind men who were trying to describe an elephant illustrates how hard it can be to comprehend the bigger picture.

One of the blind men was touching the trunk of the elephant and said: “An elephant is slender and flexible like a snake.”

Another was touching the belly of the elephant and said: “No, the elephant is big and round like a ball.”

The third blind man countered both of them because he was touching the leg of the elephant: “You’re both wrong,” he said. “An elephant is cylindrical and tall like a tree.”

A seeing man walked by the argument and said: “Every one of you is right, but none of you is portraying the entire elephant. You would need even more perspectives to get the whole picture.”

Opposite to Narrow-Mindedness

Empathy is the opposite of narrow-mindedness. In order for us to co-exist on this planet, we must learn to understand and respect each other. Once we make an effort to understand other people and find the underlying unifying principles, we are more likely to treat them in a respectable and peaceful manner.

In our culture and pluralistic world, empathy is not a luxury—it is a necessity. I urge you to make it one of your primary ways of interacting with others. Here are three proven practices to get started.

1. Put Yourself in Other People’s Shoes

Try seeing the world from other people’s points of view. This is relatively easy when people are agreeable and peaceful but becomes increasingly difficult when you are faced with irritating, negative and downright destructive behavior.

Putting yourself in another person’s shoes depends on two things, information and imagination.

If you have information that may uncover the reasons for somebody’s behavior, it is easier to empathize. However, when you don’t have information, you can try to imagine why someone would do something like that. You will not always reach a conclusion that you will like or even understand. Still, by making the effort, you are one step closer to understanding what motivates humans. We seem to share many of the elements that drive behavior.

2. Listen Empathetically

Listening empathetically means that you listen with the intent to understand. Listen without interrupting. Ask questions for clarification. Restate the information you have been listening to and make sure that you have understood the other person. Only when you have really understood, make your own point. Listening intently increases empathy.

3. Seek Understanding

A friend of mine made up a catchphrase that I’ve used continually in my books and seminars because it rings true. He said:

“The most common form of understanding is misunderstanding.”

Many negative emotions come from the wellspring of misunderstanding. Breakups, fights, family feuds and even wars between nations could, in many cases, have been avoided if understanding had been actively sought first instead of jumping to conclusions.

With maturity, perspectives often change. Therefore, it can be useful to try and understand our past regressions, then project into the future and think about how this moment might look upon reflection in the future. A change of perspective can often have an enlightening effect, releasing tensions, especially in minor cases of irritation or resentment.

When we seek understanding, we actively change our perception and make it easier to feel empathy.

Gudjon Bergmann
Author, Coach, and Mindfulness Teacher
Amazon Author Profile

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