Another reason Catholic doctrine pairs marriage and children

Here’s an excerpt from a letter from the New York Times’ “ethicist” column:

My wife and are I childless. We can’t have children of our own, and in any case, I have never wanted children. Now we are in our 40s, and my wife is starting the process of adoption. She is very well aware that I do not want to adopt a child, but to keep the peace in our relationship, I go along, under protest. . . .

I know that I will not go through with the adoption, but I am not sure when to pull the plug. There is a high chance that our relationship will fail over this. She is still young enough to start a family with somebody else. I would rather be alone than be a miserable family man I never wanted to be.

Now, I suppose this shouldn’t be shocking.  After all, I’ve read plenty of advice columnist letters in which couples argue over whether to have children, or in which a husband gives his wife the ultimatum, “get an abortion or I’m filing for divorce,” or, in the reverse case, a wife gets an abortion, sometimes repeatedly, without telling her husband/the father, because she knows he’d object.

But it is at any rate, a reminder of the value of the Catholic teaching that a marriage isn’t valid unless both parties are open to children.  Even disregarding the question of whether one must intentionally seek to procreate at some point during one’s married years, these letters point to something very wrong with a marriage.  In some cases, the couple hadn’t discussed the question before marriage, in others, one spouse moved from openness to rejection of children, or from rejection to openness, or, if the pregnancy was a surprise, one, but not the other, was willing to accept the change this would bring.

Current statistics say that 15% of women ages 40 – 44 are childless — a percentage that has, surprisingly dropped from its peak in 2006, though future trends are unknown since the newly open resolve to never have children seems to be more common among the thirtysomethings.  How many of those 15% represent couples for whom the question to have a child — now that it is a question, to be answered as you choose — brings about division and bitterness and unhappiness?

image: a flicker photo; https://www.flickr.com/photos/69184488@N06/8091027271/in/photostream/; creative commons license.