John 3:1-21 Building Spiritual Relationships

John 3:1-21 Building Spiritual Relationships

This is the story of a man who was looking for a deeper, more significant, spiritual relationship. The Bible tells that it is not good for a person to be alone.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him.”

(Genesis 2:18 HCSB)

But more than the need for physical relationships, we need to develop spiritual relationships. By that, I mean that we need to develop friendships with people whom we want to know for eternity. God wants this. He wants every person to become part of His family. But He wants to use us to help build His family.

Now, our problem is that we have a problem building relationships with other people. The fact that the divorce rate between Christians is just as high as non-Christians proves that we have a problem building healthy relationships.

So we need to develop relationships. God wants us to develop spiritual relationships – friendships with people who God wants to bring into Heaven.

Nic – a spiritual man in need of a spiritual relationship

So here we find Nicodemus, a spiritual man, without the right spiritual relationship. Nicodemus was a representative of the orthodox Judaism (spiritual people) of the first century.¹ There are many people around like him. There are many people who are religious, or spiritual. However, they have the wrong spiritual relationship.

Their relationships are false and John shows this by the fact that Nicodemus came to Jesus at night.

Night represents darkness and sin and evil in the Gospel of John. You will see one of Jesus’ followers plan to betray him and John follows it by saying “and it was night.”

So here is Nicodemus coming to Jesus, secretly at night. Nicodemus knows that Jesus is the right person – Jesus comes from God. But Jesus gets to the point with Nicodemus.

Jesus replied, “I assure you: Unless someone is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

(John 3:3 HCSB)

Jesus says: it doesn’t matter how spiritual you may seem. If you don’t get born into the right spiritual family, you will never see God.

Then comes this dialogue about birth and re-birth. Now Nicodemus and Jesus are not talking about the same thing. Nicodemus thinks it is all physical – the right works. Jesus says “No”, it is spiritual. Jesus talks about being born again. Jesus talks about being born of water and the Spirit.

We are all born of water at our birth – the mother’s womb. We also need to be born of the Spirit. This is a “new beginning,” a starting over again. This is new life given by God Himself. Just as a human birth is a mystery, but a very specific reality, so there is a deeper mystery and reality about spiritual birth.²

Born and Re-Born

We are all born of the flesh, something physical. We also need to be born of the Spirit.³

Jesus answered, “I assure you: Unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. Whatever is born of the flesh is flesh, and whatever is born of the Spirit is spirit.

(John 3:5-6 HCSB)

“I will also sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. I will cleanse you from all your impurities and all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will place My Spirit within you and cause you to follow My statutes and carefully observe My ordinances.” (Ezekiel 36:25–27, HCSB)

Jesus explained that to be “born of water” is to be born physically (This is why Nic asked if it was possible to “enter a second time into his mother’s womb”). The water represents not baptism, but natural birth, because a baby is born in physical water – the placenta. To be born again means to be born of the Spirit. Just as there are two parents for physical birth, so there are two “parents” for spiritual birth: the Spirit of God (John 3:5) and the Word of God (James 1:18; 1 Peter 1:23–25). The Spirit of God takes the Word of God and, when the sinner believes, imparts the life of God.

Jesus was not teaching that the new birth comes through water baptism. In the New Testament, baptism is connected with death, not birth; and no amount of physical water can effect a spiritual change in a person.⁴

Jesus then compares the Holy Spirit to the wind. Actually, He uses the same word (pneuma) for wind and spirit. The point is this: The Holy Spirit is like the wind that you don’t see, but you know exists. This is the closest illustration that Jesus uses to show spiritual relationships.

He says that if you know that there is wind and you can’t see, but you observe it, the same is true of the Holy Spirit. He can’t be seen. But He sure does exist.

Now in the next set of verses, Jesus begins to explain that with Nicodemus’s knowledge, he should understand. But that if Nicodemus has a hard time with the wind (a physical thing that obvious to notice), how can Jesus talk to Nicodemus about spiritual things that he should know about.

The point here is that with every person, understanding spiritual things takes time. But Jesus is also saying: You can’t understand this stuff without Me.

If I have told you about things that happen on earth and you don’t believe, how will you believe if I tell you about things of heaven? No one has ascended into heaven except the One who descended from heaven–the Son of Man.

(John 3:12-13 HCSB)

The Bronze Serpent

Then Jesus explains the crucifixion. Jesus uses the Old Testament example of Moses and the bronze snake. The fact of this was that when the snake was “crucified” or sacrificed to a pole, and everybody looked to it, they were physically healed. In the same way, if you look to Jesus on the cross, when He is crucified, then you will be healed spiritually.

So, no one can really go to Heaven without coming to the cross.

Jesus’ Plan of Salvation

Then Jesus gives the solution first and the problem second.

Solution: John 3:16-17

Problem: John 3:18-20

Now, having said the meaning of all this, let me share with you some insights. You see, Nicodemus did not accept Jesus that night. We have it wrong when we think that everyone is prepared to accept Jesus when they are popped the question. As a matter of fact, Jesus didn’t push Nic to accept and follow Jesus that night. Jesus knew that Nic wasn’t ready. Instead, it takes a process.

Nic’s Process to Follow Jesus

Look at the process with Nicodemus:

Investigation – came to Jesus at night for Q&A session.

Support – Argued for Jesus in the Jewish Council.

Then the temple police came to the chief priests and Pharisees, who asked them, “Why haven’t you brought Him?” The police answered, “No man ever spoke like this!” Then the Pharisees responded to them: “Are you fooled too? Have any of the rulers believed in Him? Or any of the Pharisees? But this crowd, which doesn’t know the law, is accursed!” Nicodemus–the one who came to Him previously, being one of them–said to them, “Our law doesn’t judge a man before it hears from him and knows what he’s doing, does it?” (John 7:45-51, HCSB)

Obey and Follow – Goes to the cross and picks up the body.

After this, Joseph of Arimathea, who was a disciple of Jesus–but secretly because of his fear of the Jews–asked Pilate that he might remove Jesus’ body. Pilate gave him permission, so he came and took His body away. Nicodemus (who had previously come to Him at night) also came, bringing a mixture of about 75 pounds of myrrh and aloes. Then they took Jesus’ body and wrapped it in linen cloths with the aromatic spices, according to the burial custom of the Jews. (John 19:38-40, HCSB)

Belief, of course, means far more than mere intellectual understanding. It means placing one’s life and trust in complete surrender to the one in whom you believe.⁵ However, people rarely come to make a complete surrender in one step. It takes a process.

THREE STEP PROCESS

Investigate claims

Supports the idea/premise

Decides to obey

Notice that for Nicodemus, this took about two years, from John 3 until John 19.

When people who are in darkness start to investigate the claims of Christ, they will ask questions. Some of these questions will sound stupid to you:

“How can a man be born again?”

Jesus let the ignorance go, and didn’t completely insult. It may sound like an insult, but it was clear that Jesus knew that Nicodemus had lots of knowledge – and so he should have known about a rebirth – a spiritual relationship.

Now Jesus doesn’t slam the Law in Nic’s face. He doesn’t say that Nic doesn’t know what he is talking about. Instead, Jesus challenges Nic where he is. Then Jesus gives Nic some time.

So, what about me and you? We are all called to build spiritual relationships. God wants us to multiply disciples.

HOW DO I DEVELOP SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIPS

1. Recognize that people are in the dark about Jesus.

Many people don’t read the Bible. Even if they do, they don’t know much about what it says. Many people don’t go to church. Even if they do, they don’t know much about how a church should be.

2. Be patient and let God do His work.

Just as the wind blows and but you don’t know where it comes from and goes, God works in the lives of people. If I asked you how your life has been in the past month, I bet many would be surprised. God is working in a variety of ways. He doesn’t work sometimes how we would do it. We think He should work fast. But we have to be patient with God.

3. Be supportive of their journey.

Don’t condemn people when they are looking for answers. Be supportive. Don’t do things that may make them think that their journey is not so important. Encourage them. Tell them that you are happy that they are here. Tell them that you are happy to answer their questions and encourage them to keep on. Smile when you do it.

4. Answer questions and share your experience.

Many people will ask you questions. You can answer what you know. But be honest. If you don’t know – say so. Tell them that you will find out and get back with them. Don’t be arrogant. But also be ready to share your story.

…and always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you. However, do this with gentleness and respect, keeping your conscience clear, so that when you are accused, those who denounce your Christian life will be put to shame.

(1 Peter 3:15-16, HCSB)

5. When it is appropriate, be ready to disciple and mentor

Now when a person is ready to obey and follow Jesus, and they come under your watch, then you are responsible for that person’s spiritual growth. You become their spiritual mentor. You are the one who needs to build a spiritual relationship with them. Now, they may or may not come to you. But you need to go to them.

Who needs a spiritual relationship with me?

I am going to end with this challenge. I want you to look at your table. There is a set of sheets for you with a circle on it. I want you to take one and write the name of a person who needs a spiritual relationship with Jesus on that circle. Then I want you to take the next few weeks and evaluate where they are spiritually, and start to pray for them. I want you to start now to look for one person who needs a spiritual relationship and start to pray for them so that you can invite them – on Easter.

We all need to be building spiritual relationships with someone. I want you to pick and pray for someone. In the next couple of weeks I am going to come back to this idea of building spiritual relationships and how you help someone understand about Jesus. But I want you to identify someone today.

Let’s pray.

1Robert James Utley, The Beloved Disciple’s Memoirs and Letters: The Gospel of John, I, II, and III John, vol. Volume 4, Study Guide Commentary Series (Marshall, Texas: Bible Lessons International, 1999), 32.