September 18, 2019

FORT SMITH, AK – What started with a simple question about the nature of good and evil spiraled into heathen helter-skelter last Wednesday. The faithless furor began at a routine Bible study when Calvary Chapel pastor Ben Jones made the critical error of opening the floor to discussion. “I warned [Jones],” said survivor Karen Musgrove. “Nothing good ever comes from asking questions! I don’t want to say I was right… but then I also didn’t want PTSD.” Rumors abound as… Read more

September 17, 2019

  Dear Shane Gillis, Sir, up until a few days ago I had never heard of you. (In retrospect that is a good thing.) And even though my knowledge about your personal life and professional background was nonexistent, I was shocked and disgusted on seeing this clip from an old podcast episode:   today SNL announced the hiring of its first cast member of East Asian descent, and also this guy — Seth Simons (@sasimons) September 12, 2019 This… Read more

September 16, 2019

  With healthcare costs rising and wages barely keeping up with inflation, Republicans are forging relationships with the private industry. One of these new relationships is with the ride sharing company Uber. Uber drivers transport thousands of clients daily. Uber Eats supply tasty meals to hungry patrons. It was only logical to merge Uber’s cutting edge technology with transporting people to emergency rooms. ”Say you have a Toyota Corolla and want to make a few extra bucks helping people,” suggested… Read more

September 15, 2019

  Evangelical leader Franklin Graham loves his God and harassing Democratic Candidate for President Pete Buttigieg. The New Civil Rights Movement reports Graham’s latest salvo against Buttigieg: “Mayor Pete is trying to tell people that the homosexual lifestyle is okay with God and that abortion is okay. His brother-in-law is right when he said, ‘This is leading people astray and it’s very, very dangerous.’ God defines right and wrong, not us. As Christians, we are to live by the standards… Read more

September 13, 2019

The 2nd Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America is in hiding. The amendment for a well-regulated militia hasn’t been seen for days. Friends and family are concerned and hope the amendment responsible for mass shootings, suicides, and accidentally getting shot in the testicles comes home soon. Anonymous sources report the 2nd Amendment got more and more anxious as the third Democratic presidential debate drew closer. ”He saw the writing on the wall,” said one friend. “Once… Read more

September 11, 2019

  Washington DC – It’s been another wild ride for the nation. President Trump says he broke up with National Security Advisor John Bolton. The newly out of work Bolton insists he broke up with Trump. Hidden from the headlines is the sad fact the fifth White House intern fell ill this week and had to be rushed to an area hospital. Andrew Canard is only twenty-two years old. He has a bright future ahead of him. His parents worked tirelessly… Read more

September 10, 2019

You may know Professor Alan Lichtman from his numerous media appearances. He’s been on Fox News, Bill Maher, and CNN. He’s written multiple articles like this one for The Hill. Professor Lichtman is most known for co-creating a system that accurately predicts presidential elections. You read that correctly. In his book The Keys to the White House: A Surefire Guide to Predicting the Next President Professor Lichtman explains how he’s been able to predict the outcomes of presidential elections since 1984. And… Read more

September 9, 2019

Google translate is the Internet service that hundreds of millions of people use each day to make foreign languages understandable. Although it isn’t perfect, most of the time the reader can get the basic idea what the author was trying to communicate. President Trump’s garbled speeches provide a problem for non English as well as those who are native English speakers. The rambling sentences that trail off make people wonder if Making America Great Again means the ritualistic sacrifice of… Read more

September 9, 2019

Washington DC – The world took notice today when First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) Melania Trump changed her Facebook relationship status from ‘married’ to ‘it’s complicated.’ People are wondering what that means for the couple and the nation. ”’ It’s complicated’ can mean many things,” says relationship expert Andrew Canard.”Melania could be signaling she is unhappy in her marriage. Perhaps the President and FLOTUS are taking a break from their relationship?” Many Washington insiders are amazed Melania hasn’t publicly… Read more

September 8, 2019

Vatican City – Pope Francis stepped down from being the head of the Catholic Church earlier today. The sudden move by the popular Francis is shaking the Catholic world to its very foundations. Millions of believers are asking why? And the answer is *Pumpkin Spice Spam. CNN heralded the coming of Pumpkin Spice Ham: Starting September 23, lovers of all things autumn can purchase limited-edition Spam Pumpkin Spice on Walmart and Spam’s online stores, a spokesperson for Hormel Foods told… Read more

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