Washington DC – Early this morning President Biden ordered the Federal Communications Commission (FCC ) to place new restrictions on FOX News. The conservative channel that features such personalities as Tucker Carlson, Laura Ingraham, and Geraldo Rivera must play 15 minutes of actual news each and every day from 8 pm-8:15 pm. “This cuts into our prime time lineup of top propagandists,” said FOX News CEO Andrew Canard. “Facts are going to kill us.” Here is a list of what the… Read more
In the new book, I Alone Can Fix The Country President Donald J. Trump told Vice President Mike Pence that “Jesus made me the king of democracy.” He went on to say that Jesus would be proud of Trump’s handling the coronavirus and how he ran quarterback Colin Kaepernick out of the NFL. Author Andrew Canard states there were many eyewitnesses to the incident. “It was after Trump lost the election, and he was having another one of his meltdowns,” he… Read more
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene and Representative Matt Gaetz are more than just colleagues. They’ve teamed up in recent weeks to push QAnon conspiracies against the 2020 election and the January 6th riot. Throughout their America First tour, there have been whispers about the two politicians. Sexy rumors swirl around the two. Perhaps their relationship is more than just professional in nature? Today, Marjorie Taylor Greene admitted she is pregnant with Matt Gaetz’s love child. “Our baby was conceived in the… Read more
Martha Stewart, the businesswoman, lifestyle influencer, and ex-convict is reportedly embracing the philosophical concept of nihilism with open arms. Friends state the 79-year-old recently realized that life is inherently meaningless and that’s a good thing. “The last time we had high tea together she said to me, ‘Andrew, God is dead and we have killed him,'” said longtime friend Andrew Canard. “What a thing to say while nibbling on cucumber sandwiches.” The news has hit many fans of Stewart’s… Read more
White Americans who attend church services at least once a month are more likely to be fascists than those who attend less frequently, an Economist/YouGov poll released Tuesday finds. On the other end of the spectrum, Americans who say they never go to church are the most likely to view fascism unfavorably. The Economist reports it was seeking to test two theories, one being that Americans “who have no religious affiliation find themselves attracted to democracy.” The other, which has been posited… Read more
Many know superstar actor Chris Pratt as his character Andy Dwyer in Parks and Recreation or Star-Lord from the Marvel movie franchise Guardians of the Galaxy. He’s famous for his self-deprecating humor and winning smile. Up until now, Mr. Pratt has considered himself a proud Christian. However, all that has changed recently and sources say he’s looking for a new deity to follow. “We were having coffee one day and he told me he started reading the Bible cover to… Read more
Washington DC – Some GOP lawmakers are scrambling to convince their constituents to do the right thing. The Delta variant is sending the unvaccinated to the hospital and some to the morgue. And that’s why Senator Mitch McConnell is rebranding the COVID vaccine as Freedom Medicine. There’s no doubt the pandemic is cutting a path through the unvaccinated. Numerous polls show Republicans are far less likely to get the jab than Democrats. As GOP politicians are watching their voters getting… Read more
Dallas, Texas – The Institute for Creation Research (ICR) announced its scientists created a drug that turns atheists into evangelical Christians. Faithium is reported to be 100% effective and safe to use its creators say and will change the socio-political landscape of the United States of America. Professor Andrew Canard led the research team. He faced many difficulties over the years while developing the soul-saving elixir. “I prayed a lot and finally the LORD answered, ” he said. “And now we… Read more
This is a true story… “I got 99 problems but a vax ain’t one” weren’t the last words out of anti-vax Hillsong Church member Stephen Harmon. However, he did utter them before coming down with COVID and dying from the virus. The Sun reports: Stephen Harmon lost his battle on July 21 – after posting a moxie-filled tweet back in June: “IF YOU’RE HAVING EMAIL PROBLEMS, I FEEL BAD FOR YOU, SON. I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A VAX AIN’T ONE!”… Read more
Washington DC – Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene is back in the news. The QAnon conspiracist went on Twitter and attacked Chinese food. Patriots! China tried to kill us and is killing us We need tariffs against duck sauce. General MAO’s chicken is SANTANIC. Even fans of Green’s were a bit confused. “Is she saying General Mao’s chicken is in league with Santa Claus?” asked one supporter. President Trump Also Attacked Chinese Food Although Greene’s tweet may seem bizarre, she is echoing… Read more
