March 21, 2019

  Washington DC – Vice President Pence came out of the linguistic closet today when he refused to utter the words Homo sapiens. He was the keynote speaker at the Conference of American Scientists. Insiders state President Trump specifically sent him there to get him out of the White House. “President Trump thinks he’s a downer,” an anonymous source stated. “It weirds him out when Pence calls his wife Mother.” During the meet and greet Professor Andrew Canard from Taradiddle University asked… Read more

March 20, 2019

  Lordstown, Ohio – President Trump is traveling to the GM plant in this village of 3,417 souls. His goal is to put the breath of life back into the failed manufacturing center. The commander-in-chief isn’t saying how he’s going to keep the factory that makes the Chevy Cruz open. However, he is making big promises: Lordstown is the apple of America’s eye. The Union is putting its finger in that eyeball. The GM Cruz lives! Lordstown will big! I’m going… Read more

March 19, 2019

  The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) and the American League of Catholic Bishops are demanding apologies for HBO’s documentary Leaving Neverland. Leaving Neverland is a disturbing look at two men’s stories of sexual abuse at the hands of pop icon Michael Jackson. The incidences occurred when they were small boys. Mr. Jackson groomed them for exploitation and proceeded to sexually abuse the children. In depth interviews with the victims and their families paint a dark picture of a pedophile… Read more

March 18, 2019

  Washington DC – Representative  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was arrested in her office early this morning on the charges of witchcraft. The arrest warrant states the Democratic legislator ‘put hexes’ on President Trump and other members of the administration. “One witch down and at least one Pelosi to go,” quipped Department of Anti-Witchcraft (DAW) Chief Andrew Canard. “Seriously, there are  a lot of witches on my list.” The DAW is responding to charges of witchcraft leveled at Ocasio-Cortez by Dave Kubal, president of… Read more

March 17, 2019

  Washington DC – President Trump’s budget aims to fund billions of taxpayer dollars to evangelical research institutions. Trump’s 2020 budget proposal cuts most science funding. The Union of Concerned Scientists explain: The president’s budget also signals his clear antipathy towards action on climate change, with a host of cuts to climate research, adaptation, and even energy efficiency and renewable energy. These include: Completely eliminating the EPA’s Global Climate Change Research Office Cutting the Climate Adaptation Science Center in the Department of… Read more

March 15, 2019

Washington DC – President Trump went on Twitter today, and ranted about the clear and present dangers no one is talking about — witches, socialism, and sea otters. Socialism is destroying Venezuela. Witches threaten to wreck ‘God bless America.’ Sea otters want reparations. I am fighting for YOU. America. #MAGA Trump Unravels Many political insiders believe Trump is buckling under pressure. Politico reports how Republican lawmakers are taking a stand against the commander-in-chief: After more than two years of keeping his… Read more

March 14, 2019

Trae Crowder is the Liberal Redneck. He’s a comedian and has a new video out, Liberal Redneck – Rich Kids, Poor Parents, and the Least Surprising Scandal Ever. Here are a few words of hope in this time of darkness. Enjoy. I’m inspired. I’m going to empty my kids’ college savings and give it to a white rich kid so they can have one heck of a sweet 16 party.   Did you enjoy this post? How about buying the writer… Read more

March 13, 2019

  Montgomery, Alabama – Planned Parenthood is under attack by the GOP around the nation. Alabama is creating a new controversy by forcing Planned Parenthood employees to have a red letter ‘A’ on their foreheads. The law dubbed The Scarlet Letter A Is For Abortionist Statute passed with overwhelming support in the state legislature and signed immediately by Governor Andrew Canard. “I never read that  Yankee book,” he confessed, “I’m sure it wasn’t written with a Sharpie.” Yes, the law stipulates the… Read more

March 12, 2019

  Reykjavik, Iceland –  The island country of Iceland is banning anyone from entering who is unvaccinated. Proof of vaccination from a physician is needed for a noncitizen to enter for any amount of time. The new law comes on the heels of a measles outbreak: Four cases of measles have been reported in Iceland in recent days, making this the most serious outbreak in decades, RÚV reports. An adult passenger on an Icelandair flight from the Philippines carried the… Read more

March 11, 2019

  Washington DC – President Trump and the GOP are facing a threat to future success. The threat is there are more and more brown and black skinned people in the American electorate and comparatively fewer whites. Trump’s solution? Mail-order Russian brides. Republican Problems Pew Research reported on the changing demographics of US voters: Taken together, this strong growth among minority populations means that a third of eligible voters will be nonwhite in 2020, up from about a quarter in 2000. This… Read more

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