FORT SMITH, AK – What started with a simple question about the nature of good and evil spiraled into heathen helter-skelter last Wednesday. The faithless furor began at a routine Bible study when Calvary Chapel pastor Ben Jones made the critical error of opening the floor to discussion. “I warned [Jones],” said survivor Karen Musgrove. “Nothing good ever comes from asking questions! I don’t want to say I was right… but then I also didn’t want PTSD.” Rumors abound as… Read more

  Dear Shane Gillis, Sir, up until a few days ago I had never heard of you. (In retrospect that is a good thing.) And even though my knowledge about your personal life and professional background was nonexistent, I was shocked and disgusted on seeing this clip from an old podcast episode:   today SNL announced the hiring of its first cast member of East Asian descent, and also this guy pic.twitter.com/0FAGJZJUkK — Seth Simons (@sasimons) September 12, 2019 This… Read more

  With healthcare costs rising and wages barely keeping up with inflation, Republicans are forging relationships with the private industry. One of these new relationships is with the ride sharing company Uber. Uber drivers transport thousands of clients daily. Uber Eats supply tasty meals to hungry patrons. It was only logical to merge Uber’s cutting edge technology with transporting people to emergency rooms. ”Say you have a Toyota Corolla and want to make a few extra bucks helping people,” suggested… Read more

The 2nd Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America is in hiding. The amendment for a well-regulated militia hasn’t been seen for days. Friends and family are concerned and hope the amendment responsible for mass shootings, suicides, and accidentally getting shot in the testicles comes home soon. Anonymous sources report the 2nd Amendment got more and more anxious as the third Democratic presidential debate drew closer. ”He saw the writing on the wall,” said one friend. “Once… Read more

  Washington DC – It’s been another wild ride for the nation. President Trump says he broke up with National Security Advisor John Bolton. The newly out of work Bolton insists he broke up with Trump. Hidden from the headlines is the sad fact the fifth White House intern fell ill this week and had to be rushed to an area hospital. Andrew Canard is only twenty-two years old. He has a bright future ahead of him. His parents worked tirelessly… Read more

Vatican City – Pope Francis stepped down from being the head of the Catholic Church earlier today. The sudden move by the popular Francis is shaking the Catholic world to its very foundations. Millions of believers are asking why? And the answer is *Pumpkin Spice Spam. CNN heralded the coming of Pumpkin Spice Ham: Starting September 23, lovers of all things autumn can purchase limited-edition Spam Pumpkin Spice on Walmart and Spam’s online stores, a spokesperson for Hormel Foods told… Read more