January 20, 2020

President Trump defends the Electoral College by quoting scripture found in the US Constitution. Washington DC –  President Trump is facing a barrage of attacks for tweeting the “Election College” was handwritten into the US Constitution by none other than Jesus Christ. The Election College is all American. I won it in 2016. Jesus is going to make me win it in 2020. Election college is found in Two Corinthians. Jesus put it into the Constitution after he punched King… Read more

January 19, 2020

In an effort to galvanize evangelicals, President Trump orders Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos to place a street preacher in every school. Washington DC – The 2020 election is approaching. Iowa is set to vote for its choice on a Democratic candidate in a few weeks. Many on the Left hope impeaching the President will convince enough independents and Trump-Democrats to choose the Democratic nominee in the general election. Some of the President’s most ardent political supporters are evangelicals. He has… Read more

January 18, 2020

The Catholic Church sex abuse scandal takes a bizarre turn. An anonymous source within the Vatican leaked confidential documents revealing an enormous expenditure on sex robots that are supposed to look like male children. Over the next ten years, an equivalent to 191 million US dollars is dedicated to the purchasing and distribution of child-sized male robots to parish priests. The Vatican named these bots “Bobby.” It’s hoped by high Catholic officials Bobby will prevent priests from molesting flesh and… Read more

January 17, 2020

Here is the latest episode of Best Advice Ever, the show where awesome people share the best advice they ever received. Past guests include Professor Phil Zuckerman, YouTuber Steve Shives, and cardiologist Sanjay Gupta. Let’s go through some basics! Who is Godless Engineer? Godless Engineer is a YouTuber. He has 47,300 subscribers and has had over 7.6 million views of his videos. Here’s an excerpt from his about page on YouTube: I am an ex-christian. There was nobody around to… Read more

January 16, 2020

Citing concerns for public safety, the government of Norway voted to ban street preaching. Oslo, Norway – This Scandanavian country is known for its affluence and well being of its citizens. With oil revenue funding a competent government, Norwegians are some of the healthiest and wealthiest people on the planet. The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) is an international institution whose goal is to stimulate economic growth and spread democratic institutions. The OECD also studies quality of life. Here is… Read more

January 15, 2020

President Trump was assaulted yesterday by a religious zealot at a campaign rally. Dayton, Ohio – President Trump isn’t allowing scandal, Democrats, or fake news keep him from the campaign trail. He’s fervently touring battleground states. He stopped by Dayton to rally his political base. If he doesn’t win Ohio with its 18 electoral votes, then he knows his chances are winning in 2020 are slim. The Trump team is worried. They know the party that wins the previous election… Read more

January 13, 2020

President Trump is looking for cash to fund his legal battles. Washington DC – Twitter users gazed at their phones today in disbelief. Most of them thought President Donald Trump couldn’t surprise them anymore. The Twitter-in-Chief proved them wrong. Facing a gaggle of legal battles, President Trump is telling the people of the United States that he will single-handedly shut down the government if his legal fees aren’t paid for in full. The do-nothing Democrats are doing one thing! Making me… Read more

January 12, 2020

Plucky Denmark is sending teams to Republican strongholds to change hearts and minds. Copenhagen, Denmark – This Nordic country of 5.8 million souls is dedicating itself to fight the monster of our times, the right-wing populism of the President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump. Realizing Trumpism is a danger to the world, Denmark’s Ministry of Science is taking a leadership role in what many see as a war against aggressive stupidity. Nordic David Versus Republican Goliath… Read more

January 11, 2020

Prince Harry and Meghan are now officially brand ambassadors for the Magic Kingdom. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex recently announced they were taking a step back from their roles as royals. Part of their plan is to spend more time in North America. While the move will save the couple from the grinding schedule of Windsor Castle, they will need to seek out new income sources. BBC News reports the conundrum they are in: “The established rule has always… Read more

January 10, 2020

Britain is looking for a trade deal with the US. President Trump wants an imperial title. Washington DC – The United Kingdom is leaving the European Union and looking to write new trade agreements with old partners. President Trump is welcoming the opportunity to craft a deal of a lifetime that puts America first. While the media reports a new agreement may jeopardize Britain’s healthcare system, the real story is Donald Trump’s power grab. We may soon see Donald Trump President… Read more

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