Washington DC – President Trump recently dodged the question Have you ever worked for Russia? on FOX News. Wanting to clarify who he actually works for, President Trump went to Twitter to tell Americans what they already knew — Donald Trump doesn’t work for them. People of America you work for only the best. And that’s me. Ask anyone and I’m the best boss. We all have bosses. Here are the people I work for: the NRA, Vlad ‘Big Rus’ Putin,… Read more

  Helsinki, Finland –  The  government of this Northern European country recently declared traditional Christianity as harmful. This edict is the result of a five-year study analyzing the effects the Christian faith has on society. Professor Andrew Kannard is the lead researcher in the broad analysis of Christianity’s toxicity on modern society. “From the Catholic pedophile priest scandals to conservative Christians flocking to support the President of the United States Donald Trump, Christianity undermines the foundation of civilization,” he noted…. Read more

  Reverend Andrew Canard of Mount Aberration Baptist Church is warning America smartphones cause gay erections. In an interview with the Flat Earth Gazette Reverend Canard laid out his case: Smartphones are smart. They are so smart the Devil uses them to reveal temptations. T0 the faithful Lucifer suggests news fake news stories about President Trump from MSNBC. Trying to find tips on how to discipline your child will send you to the demonic show, Transparent. Worst of all, smartphones… Read more

  Washington DC – President Trump went to Twitter and informed his followers the monster snowstorm blanketing the middle of the country would’ve been stopped by his border wall. The Guardian reports the storm is hitting the United States hard: A massive winter storm hit the US Rockies and plains on Friday then punched east, with snow set to assault a 1,800-mile (1,609 km) corridor through the weekend, creating transportation “havoc” in the middle of the country. The system started… Read more

  Washington DC – President Trump is telling Congress to pass a special tax on Mexican food in order to fund his border wall. Dubbed the ‘Burrito Tax,’ the new law would levy a 25% surcharge to all burritos, tacos, and chimichangas sold within the United States and its overseas possessions. ”I said Mexico is going to pay for my big, beautiful wall,” President Trump stated, ‘and it’s going to happen.” Burrito Economics Democrats and some Republicans are scratching their… Read more

  Donald Trump Jr. attempted to support his father’s idea of a border wall by saying “You know why you can enjoy a day at the zoo? Because walls work.” Many Americans are disgusted by the idea of President Trump’s eldest son comparing the US-Mexico border as a zoo and implying Mexicans are animals. What isn’t widely known, however, is that Donald Trump Jr is offering zoo-like tours of immigrant detention centers. ”It’s amazing how popular our tours are,” stated Vice… Read more

  Washington DC – President Trump addressed the country last night about the need for a border wall with Mexico. He made what many consider to be an awkward attempt to make his case to the American people. His presentation was stilted, wooden, and had none of the unhinged flair Trump’s supporters have come to expect. They did not need to wait for long before Trump reverted back to form. Americans Against Chinese Restaurants Within minutes of ending his border… Read more