Washington DC – President Trump did an abrupt face at a press conference on Saturday blaming California’s Camp Fire on global warming. A stunned crowd of reporters listened as President Trump demonstrated a remarkable grasp on the science of climate change: Over the past century, California has warmed by about three degrees Fahrenheit. That extra-warmed air sucks water out of plants and soils, leaving the trees, shrubs, and rolling grasslands of the state dry and primed to burn. He added… Read more

  Reykjavík, Iceland – This small island country in the North Atlantic is making waves with a new law forcing evangelicals take a safety course. Evangelicals living in Iceland will need to take a 5 week online class on how the Bible is far from inerrant and full of immoral fairy tales. Lawmakers believe this move will psychologically inoculate its population of 350,000  from what’s commonly called Americanism. “Americans love to call their country exceptional,” Icelandic Prime Minister Garðar Canard stated…. Read more

  Members of the Westboro Baptist Church descended on a buybuyBABY store located near the South Shore Mall in Braintree, Massachusetts. They picketed the store that sells all manner of strollers, car seats, and other items little ones need. The reason for the protest? The church believes buybuyBABY is actually a megastore for abortions. ”It’s right in the name, bye-bye baby!” Andrea Canard shouted at confused shoppers. “This is where mothers kill their babies. Wake up, sheeple!” Other church members… Read more

Washington DC – The midterm elections are over, and in their wake President Trump fired Jeff Sessions. With a weakened Department of Justice and a House of Representatives full of lame duck Republicans, President Trump is seizing the opportunity to pardon himself. Not only did the 45th President of the United States pardon himself for any crimes he may have done in the past, but also for those he may do in the future. ”The Democrats will be in charge… Read more

President Donald Trump has fired Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller and has replaced him with  a Donald Trump Hand Puppet. The move comes immediately after President Trump forced Jeff Sessions out and made Mathew G. Whitaker the new Attorney General. President Trump went on Twitter to communicate how much faith he has in Mr. Hand Puppet to get to the bottom of Russian meddling in the 2016 elections. Mr. Hand Puppet also has a Twitter account and tweeted “Thanks, Mr. President. Fake news… Read more

  Orlando, Florida – Bowing to pressure from the White House, The Magic Kingdom made Ivanka Trump an official Disney Princess. She is joining an august club that includes Ariel, Belle, Princess Jasmine, and many others. Disney CEO Andrew Canard stated, “President Trump wanted us to make his little girl a Princess, and we did it.” Trump’s History With Disney Anonymous sources close to President Trump whisper he has a long history of trying to make Ivanka a Disney Princess…. Read more

  Washington DC – President Trump’s youngest son Barron Trump ran away from home in the early hours of Sunday morning. His whereabouts are currently unknown, and law enforcement is currently searching for the 12-year-old. Although he left no letter to explain his actions, Barron’s close friends at Saint Andrew’s Episcopal School where he is enrolled had one theory why he’s on the run. “He’s 99% sure his dad’s the antichrist,” stated classmate Andrew Canard, “and Barron doesn’t want to… Read more

  Washington DC – President Trump signed an executive order at 9 AM Eastern Time altering the status of every single American. Before the signing what is named the Freedom Forever Executive Order most people living in the United States were citizens. Afterward, those people are citizens no more. They are all subjects in Donald Trump’s increasingly imperial oligarchy. ”The difference between being a subject and a citizen can be murky,” mused Professor Andrew Canard of the Theological Institute Of… Read more