Boy Scouts Introduce Christian Nationalism Badge

Boy Scouts Introduce Christian Nationalism Badge July 19, 2015
On the lookout for communists and sneaky atheists

The Executive Committee of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) is introducing the Christian Nationalism badge which celebrates the wall that surrounds and protects the intermingling of church and state. The badge takes its place in the Religious Emblems Programs which celebrates a scout’s dedication to whatever faith his parent adheres to.

Up  until now each faith had its own emblem that a scout could earn. Zoroastrianism, Islam, Judaism, Mormonism, and the multitude of Christian sects have their own Boy Scout approved symbol and curriculum booklet. It has been seen that the Religious Emblems Programs sums up one of the basic principles of the BSA: A Scout is reverent. He is reverent towards God. He is faithful in his religious duties and respects the convictions of others in matters of custom and religion. 

During its latest meeting the Executive Committee realized that while each individual religion is acknowledged, there was a need to fully express the conjoined nature of politics and a Christ-centered religious life. “If you approve of the Supreme Court allowing us to keep out atheists and allowing local troops to discriminate against gays, then you are going to love the Christian Nationalism Program!” stated Nathan Bedford Forest, BSA spokesperson.

Those wishing to earn the prestigious badge must work diligently and complete the rigorous curriculum which includes, but not limited to:

  • The Dominance of Faith over Reason diorama The scout will create one of the many scenes that can be found throughout history where faith dispelled reason. Suggestions include: The Salem Witch Trials, the Burning of the Library of Alexandria, and the Presidency of George W Bush.
  • The True Meaning of Religious Freedom essay This writing assignment will test how well the scout understands religious freedom in a pragmatic day-to-day context. It is expected that the writer will cite real world examples from the media to illustrate when religious sentiment trumps minority rights, free speech, and human dignity.
  • P.R.A.Y.  (Program for Religious Authority over Youth) Applicants will be taught how to answer life’s tough questions. For example, Why does God(s) allow suffering in the world? Mysterious ways. God(s) found your car keys for you, but allowed the Rwandan Genocide? You are blessed! Your favorite team won the Super Bowl? Goddidit (i.e., Tom Brady).

Many parents are excited that the Christian Nationalism Program will immerse scouts in a culture where Obey your parents and Don’t ask too many awkward questions is the rule. “Andy has been watching Myth Busters lately, and that show’s data driven methodology has made that kid uppity. Just the other day he was asking me why the Boy Scouts refuse to release their perversion files. As a scout leader I told him that God, the Catholic Church, and the Boy Scouts of America are protected from the law and common decency,” stated Albert Speer, father and local Scout leader.

Despite all the excitement with its new Christian Nationalism badge, the Executive Committee of the BSA isn’t finished with faith-based innovations. There is talk that a special Sunni-Shia Muslim badge will be introduced early next year. It is expected that the requirements will be very tough for scouts to earn that emblem of honor, but the BSA has made special deals with airlines that will fly scouts directly into Syria.

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  • I appreciate the sense of humor, but it would be nice if posts that are satire would be clearly marked as satire. Otherwise the post seems dishonest, misleading, and ultimately damaging to the credibility of the channel.

    • Snowflake

      Well, I was upset until I got up to Nathan Bedford Forrest quote. I was going to google to see if there was a council with this name. He did get me with the Every Child Needs Christ in Alabama post. I totally believed it.

    • Atrus

      Well there was a link to the “is this satire?” Question page, but since I don’t normally look at all the links, I missed it at first too.

      • I just threw the links (there should be two in the post) to that page.

    • sirhuxley


      I laughed so hard I nearly dropped my crackpipe when I saw the “The Dominance of Faith over Reason diorama”

      Please tell me that your reply is satire…

  • Maoh

    Stahp! These posts are too easy to take seriously.

    • sirhuxley

      Duuu-uuude! With a site title like “Laughing in disbelief…” you choose to “believe”

      These posts illustrate a point! Humans are gullible! If this site can dupe you even for a second, then imagine the whole construct of Christian faith with your parents and community authority figures….

      Can you see why you need to question…

  • sirhuxley

    Is the badge a little red swastika?