Godless Little Girl Drops Rhetorical Bombs At School

Godless Little Girl Drops Rhetorical Bombs At School July 10, 2015
Andy on the 4th
Mr Scott, before the dark times.

William Scott, aged 38, was gobsmacked when his seven year old daughter’s principal called him in the early afternoon last Tuesday. His daughter, Mikayla, had been expressing her love of logic on the playground earlier that day which had left many of her classmates in tears and others very angry.  The principal reported that the blond, blue eyed little girl had been telling everyone: Magic isn’t real! Santa is magic! Santa isn’t real! God is magic! God isn’t real!

“My wife and I try to teach our children an appreciation for science and reason,” Mr. Scott stated. “I had no idea that Mikayla would say such, well, something like that.”

The principal suggested that little Mikayla be sent home for the last part of the day so that he could “Get some control of the situation” and organize grief counselors to talk with the affected students.

“We haven’t had a situation like this since that fifth grader brought in a copy of The Communist Manifesto. That certainly caused a stir,” the office secretary admitted.

“Mikayla has been a lot more assertive since we bought her that Rosie the Riveter lunchbox,” Tracy Scott, commonly referred to as Mom around the Scott house, wrote in a prepared statement. “When that boy at school told her she couldn’t do math because she was a girl, Mikayla demonstrated that she could swing that thing really well and count at the same time.”

Regardless of the explanations for their child’s behavior, some of the local clergy are crying out that their religious freedoms are at risk. A full page ad has been placed in the local newspaper which explains that America is a Christian country, and that it takes its freedoms seriously. While freedom of speech is important, the First Amendment only applies to discourse that is sanctified by the supreme law of the land – the Bible.

Back at the Scott house, Dad has been debriefing his daughter on the ins and outs of social etiquette. The confused little girl asked her dad whether it was important to tell people the truth. Dad responded that telling the truth was important. However, there were better ways of making your point than hitting people over the head with your lunch box or with syllogisms


Author’s note: While this story is not real it is based on a developmental stage that my daughter just went through where she went around the house crying out, Magic isn’t real! Santa is magic! Santa isn’t real! God is magic! God isn’t real!

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  • Christine

    I’m hoping to avoid that problem with my daughter. I confess that I’ve been slightly misleading, and told her that some people like to pretend that Santa brings gifts, in the hopes of not having this happen.

  • dagobarbz, fine Italian shoes

    I suspect I always knew Santa Claus wasn’t real, and that bunnies don’t lay eggs and deliver them, and that people don’t die and come back to life three days later.

    Kids just go along with this nonsense. Sometimes there is candy. Other times, just hardboiled eggs. Bleh.

    • My kids were Santa fundamentalists for a long time. Then they became Santa liberals. They have fully transitioned and now Santa atheists.

      • Sophia Sadek

        Just wait until they grow up have have to play Santa.

        • Snowflake

          Uh oh. I hope I don’t have to turn in my atheist hat, but I loved playing Santa. We had such a blast. Then when my son got a bit older, he enjoyed playing Santa, picking out a boy’s name and buying what was on his wish list. I think I will always need a tiny bit of magic.

          *Hangs head in shame, but with a sparkle in my eyes.*

          • Sophia Sadek

            When I was a teen, my friends wondered how an atheist like me could celebrate Christmas. I saw no contradiction. Christmas and Santa do not require a deity. It’s all for the sake of the joy of the kiddies, anyway.

          • Snowflake

            And good food, music, lights, snow, friends and family (with enough alcohol on board). And, those Christmas movies that make me bawl, and bawl.

          • Sophia Sadek

            And then there was the bump in business at the retail store where I worked. Nothing like a little extra pay when you are saving for college.

          • Snowflake

            Oh, sure. When are you hoping to attend?

          • Sophia Sadek

            I graduated in ’82.

          • Snowflake

            Whoops. I don’t always read for comprehension. Sorry.

            I put myself through working in a bank, until I became a Grad Assistant. So much easier then.

          • Sophia Sadek

            My work in college was more intellectually stimulating than retail, but I met fewer interesting people.

          • Snowflake

            At the bank, I worked with a bunch of bigots. One who went on and on about food stamps and people of color. Another tortured this Asian woman. I was studying to be a social worker. Was quite the experience. Thank goodness I was learning to counter their arguments with facts and reason. However, they just thought I was cute.

            There are days that I miss my high school job, McDonalds. Less stress and lots of friends.

  • But it’s totes okay for kids to slavishly repeat what they heard their parents say about atheists and the not-correct-flavour-of-Christian™.

  • lawrence090469

    The Communist Manifesto. Seriously.

    • Children of the classroom! Unite!

      • Sophia Sadek

        You have nothing to lose but detention.

    • Joe Monte

      A specter is haunting P.S. 37!

  • Sophia Sadek

    Your daughter will eventually realize the reality of magic when she learns how African Americans were magically transformed into beasts of burden.

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

    I wonder if the school would call the parents of Xtian children who frighten their classmates with stories and threats about hell, and suggest that the Xtian child stay home while the school organized grief counselors for Xtian religious victims.

  • Peter_J88

    Haha… great stuff…
    Really? “organize grief counselors to talk with the affected students – See more at: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/laughingindisbelief/2015/07/godless-little-girl-drops-rhetorical-bombs-at-school/#sthash.cXEAzDqO.dpuf

    So funny that a 7 Year old can stir that much shit up…

  • The Sceptic

    My Father Christmas passed away
    When I was barely seven.
    At twenty-one, alack-a-day,
    I lost my hope of heaven.

    Yet not in either lies the curse:
    The hell of it’s because
    I don’t know which loss hurt the worse —
    My God or Santa Claus,

    Robert William Service

    • That was great. This is the first time I’ve seen it.

  • primenumbers

    It happens. Children will be honest like this: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2009/06/03/the-logic-of-children/ and tell their friends at school, and if their friends are just told and indoctrinated “godfacts” they will get upset. Of course we don’t live in the USA or bible-belt so there was no real issue, and the upset friends didn’t stay upset very long.

  • Hillary Allen

    In the late ’50’s, when I was in elementary school, I said something during recess to the effect of “My mom says there is no god.” Actually what my parents said was more like an intellectual treatise about ‘there are many religions, and we don’t believe one over the other, and when you’re older you can decide for yourself….” etc., but to my 8 year brain, what came out was more ‘to the point’. My sister and I were also excused during the recitation of the lord’s prayer ( which of course made us into instant freaks). Anyway, the children at this school laughed at me, threw pebbles at me, etc., etc., told me I was going to hell, and in those days bullying was handled with “just ignore them.” Looking back, I can see other ways in which my parents could have addressed the issue, but all through my adult life, I have been so thankful to them for making me use reason, not relying on some supreme, invisible being to make me be a moral person. In those early days, there weren’t very many ‘out’ atheists – I would hope that by now a little girl like me could find at least a buddy or two with similar parents. Like primenumbers, I too did not grow up in America, so it probably wasn’t as bad as it could have been. .

    • SamCam

      My son recently ran afoul of some of this. This is in northern NJ, hardly the deep South. Mostly being told he was going to hell. My older son is a bit more savvy and cautious around people. One of his friends is a regular church-goer, but is also an atheist,